rosey garlands // rosey cheeks //

Last weekend we made some garlands with the petals from our roses. The roses were nearing the end of their blooming beauty, and some had begun to let their petals tumble onto our table. We thought this would be a great way of remembering the velvety roses and having some fun as well. 

The garlands themselves were very simply stitched with a needle gently through each petal, and threaded onto some variegated embroidery thread we had. The kids decided that they wanted head garlands as well as one necklace for Ari - it matched his t-shirt better!

What fun they had in the garden. Running and giggling and being silly. They do love posing and playing up for the camera. And with lush green grass and vibrant colours as the background I just snapped and snapped as they kept on posing and moving and giggling and finding new props. I'm so glad our beautiful cat Lou-Lou made it into the photos too - even though he wasn't the most willing model. 

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I think these photos perfectly sum up what I wish and hope my Mother's Day to be. My beautiful babies enjoying living in the same place that my beautiful mama (and dad) raised me and my siblings. Exploring and discovering treasures in our forest. Sitting still and watching little birds with fascination and joy. Running and laughing and being children. And all the while making this mama's heart sing through the pure joy they are experiencing. 

Oh yes. So it is. Happy Mother's Day to all you Mamas out there. 

{and extra big hugs to all those of you who are missing your mama today}. 

E xxxx

a + m

 I am making some changes to this very old blog that I once wrote on about the kids. Have decided we will start using it again, though differently. I won't delete what is already there - but as the 'abouts' will change, I wanted to keep them here as a memory. And also to make me take the time to record those little creatures of mine more and more. 

Was: 2009

A is 5.
He likes to draw and invent things.
He just received his very own camera for his birthday.
He is currently collecting parts to make a rocket ship, with his cousin.
He reads stories about dinosaurs and spaceships.

M is 2 1/2.
She likes fairies and princesses and all things pink.
She likes to draw.
She likes to read stories to her baby dolls.
She designs clothes with her mum's fabric scraps.
She is helping her brother, A, collect parts for his rocket ship.

Now: 2013
A is 8 1/2
He loves reading and can devour books in a day or so.
He is an explorer of all things.
He likes to invent and talk about inventing. Today he said 'if you believe it can work, then it can'.
He is sometimes shy, but is good at talking with adults and asking for help. He likes ordering at the restaurant, when he feels comfortable.
He says to me "mama can I ask you something", and I know he will want a cuddle. He is such a cuddly and affectionate boy.

M is 6.
She still likes fairies and things pink and purple. But she likes other colours now as well.
She loves drawing, and is very skilled at foxes and clothing and people.
She is writing and illustrating a book about some foxes.
She makes clothes for her Barbies and her dolls, using fabric or tissues, or wrapping paper, or even simply just washi tape.
She helps her brother sort the parts when they play Lego.

* The other blog may take a few weeks to get worked on, and start being regularly posted to. I hope that both of the children will be active on it as well. I will let you know. 

the little ones

this blog started originally, I think, as a place to talk about and share and mostly remember the things 

about my little ones. I am not good at regular journal keeping - and here now it seems I am not so good at blog journal keeping. I keep forgetting to write updates and birthday posts about those little creatures of mine.

today they are finalising the writing of speeches for school. The words they will say, and timing it to fit within the two or one minute they are allowed. And writing it down on palm cards so they can present it in class.

They both learn and experience words so differently. Both of them love reading, writing and story telling. Yet for Mishi spelling and writing words seems to come easier than for Ari. Sometimes I wonder if this is because of the difference in their start to schooling (Ari in Queensland prep system where reading and writing was much slower to be taught, compared to Mishi who was taught in pre-school and now in NSW kindergarten has learnt the whole alphabet and can read and spell and write and sound words out so dramatically differently. Perhaps it's also the being a second sibling, and learning so much from the older brother. That makes a big difference, I know.)

Anyway, Mishi has happily written her whole speech almost on her own. It's about kookaburras and is wonderful. She's actually worked out what she wants to say, and written it down on paper and now has transferred it to palm cards. We have timed her as she talks, and ends with her wonderful kookaburra laugh. I must remember to record her.

Ari has needed help every step of the ay with his speech, from thinking up a topic ("my grandma") to working out questions to ask, and then what to write. And then, he wants us to write his palm cards. Thankfully I think he will present it in class, and won't expect that of us as well....

Saying this - Ari is excellent with words and spelling and reading and writing. Especially for his age. 

They both have a big love of words and language. And this makes me happier than happy!

*this was written a few weeks ago, and has sat unpublished as i didn't have an edited photo to put with it. it is increasingly harder to get the photos/blog thing happening. but steps are being made to get electricity on at home - that will surely change life in quite a dramatic way. or perhaps not at all.

lines to make me smile

 

There was quite a fun, and super excellent, little thing yesterday at the Matisse Exhibition, at the GOMA. Called The Drawing Room (cute name, yes??), it was set up as a very tidy and lovely artist's studio space (sort of). There was a life model (clothed, not naked), and lots of fantastic still-life set ups, with flowers, fruit, etc. Drawing paper and pencils and space to sit and draw. Such a wonderful inspiration room. 

I wasn't feeling it for the life model drawing, but sat and did some still-life sketches of bottles and jars and such. These above are drawn on an ipad they had, where it then draws back to you each line as you drew it. If you go here, I think you can have a go yourself. The top drawing, vase with flowers, is by Ari, the bottom teapot by me. And look at this excellent one that Ari drew of the model in chair. His drawing skills are improving so much, and he's enjoying looking and just going for it. It makes me so happy to see him just draw and not get upset that it doesn't work out exactly as he wanted/planned/expected (I do that much too much myself....). I think he was really inspired by the Matisse exhibition.

I am hoping to put aside more time for myself to do drawing, painting, sketching, over the next few weeks. It's something I think I'll have to put into my diary to make sure it happens... Tell me, what do you wish you made more time for? Will you do it - join me in spending time this year doing more of what you love, for yourself. I do wish I had space to set up tablescapes like this, that could stay until I was finished..... next year for sure.

overview

a small selection of images i've snapped (on my phone) lately.
a small selection of life.
from top -
1)the boy wanted to have a sweet biscuit, i said no sugar, so he crossed out 'sugar' on the ingredient list. i so so so wanted to give him one, just to let him know how fantastic he was, and how much i love the way his head works.
2) a scene driving into town. afternoon. sun setting after the briefest of rain showers. heading on my own, out to dinner + a play with my sister.
3) on our window sill this morning. collections that Sam + the kids brought home from school athletics carnival the other day (which was held near the beach, hence the beachy type plants).
4) on the window sill - blossoms from our stone fruit trees. never any success with the fruits, so i think it's okay to pick and enjoy the blossoms.
5) as #2
6) the bees from HoneyWorld. school excursion yesterday. was quite amazing standing a room with all those hives - a most delicious sweetness of honey-smell.
7) a little piece of coral set into the stonework of the wall in our kitchen.
and below) is a fuzzy shot of those bees. i love the "mess" of their wax. and the colour. i'm so curious about the wonderful, complex world of bees - what an interesting, important creature. do you know much about bees? we have a native stingless beehive at our house (my brother put it there). they don't produce much honey (about 1kg per year), so i'm considering another hive of imported bees so we can maybe 'steal their honey'. i have to do the research about how imported honeybees might attack / take over from the native defenceless tiny little bees.
[talking about bees, look at this amazingness! what a lovely mama bee, making baby nests inside flower petals.].

now we are 6*

This is a little letter to my boy. Hello Boy. Now you are 6! {25/10/04}

Little one, you have grown so big, and bold, and confident and so yourself.

It really is wonderful to see how you can easily interact with everybody you meet on your daily adventures. You are confident chatting with adults, and easily take the lead when in a group of other children.

Your ideas, thoughts, observations are amazing to be part of. To see the things you notice, and how your brain leads you to conclusions or the stories you make up about little things.

I really do like the way you tell you little lies to me; about how you've brushed your teeth or done something or other, when really I can tell by looking at your face that you're trying to trick me.

This is you on pirate day at school (in prep, in Mrs F's class). You've loved being in this class, coming home with all sorts of facts and bits of information, new songs and stories. Constantly singing pirate songs that you've learnt.

Your drawings constantly inspire and amaze us. The dedication to your artwork, and the pride with which you present your new piece to us is so good to see and be part of. I love seeing you grow and develop into your own drawing techniques.

This is you on the walk to school, for the art night. You are dressed in those red+white striped pants that I love so much (from Blossom Child), with the singlet we made for your friend's robot party. You threw the jacket on at the last minute, as we walked out the door, announcing it made you look like a real artist! You do really care about how you look, mostly, and take pride in wearing your lovely clothes. Thankfully you will wear what we ask you to (not at all like your sister, who will only wear exactly what she wants and nothing else). I love your sense of style, and also how you appreciate other people's clothes and outfits - often you tell me in a very loving voice that you like my dress, or skirt or that I look pretty today.

You are such a beautiful, loving and caring big brother - when you want to be! Both you and the little one play fantastic games together, making up stories and making a mess all over the place. You love playing shops; you are always the shop keeper. Or if you play cafes, you make the best little menus for us to peruse before we place our order. Sometimes, with Grandma, you are a travel agent booking tickets for her to go to Italy on a cruise ship.

You got a new bike for your birthday. A beautiful blue + white treasure. You and daddy have been spending time in the street learning to ride (no training wheels on this bike!), and I think you'll be quite the bike trickster. Especially when we move to the land and you have lots of flat space to ride about with no cars nearby.

I love you, my boy. To the moon and back. The boy who made me a mum. And made your dad a dad.

*{any excuse to use an A.A. Milne reference}.
** top picture of Ari in his Mad Hatter's tea party hat, with the hat cake we made, was taken by Sally (a school friend mum).

two in green

Just a few images from a little treasure walk we went on the other day.
Both kids wearing green t-shirts.
Carrying their own little bags (both made by mama, of course) for collecting all sorts of lovely little treasures.

the remains of the day

today is ari's birthday.
5.
big boy. my baby boy.
we were talking about the day he was born. how we almost didn't make it to the hospital (which was only 3 minutes down the road from our house), because i didn't recognise the 'pushing' sensation. we did get there, with 45minutes to spare, though fully dilated. just enough time for sam to park the car and get back to the birthing room!
for parents, you know that feeling as if you've known your children for your whole life, they are so ingrained your every day and essence. you can barely remember time before them. yet you can also not quite believe that they are now old enough to..... make jokes, back chat, get themselves dressed, feed themselves... any number of every day activities.
we had a party yesterday.
so lovely. family and friends in the backyard. a Japanese theme dress-up party - so fun to see everyone pull out their kimonos. and the 'party activity' was sushi rolling - seemed most kids quite enjoyed it, and also meant i wasn't in the kitchen for hours on end rolling sushi (was in the kitchen for hours on end doing other stuff!).
and today, a quiet day. with brother + nephew and my sister + nephew.
and this afternoon. the end of a long weekend. two sleeping kids (sam at work). a quiet house. with the breeze outside bringing snippets of kids playing and birds calling and cars driving.
and me tired too. but many things heavy in my mind, things needing to be done. work to be ready for next weekend.
yet one small quiet moment to stop and observe and remember.

beep bop beep bop

We like robots around here; well, I suppose, actually, that most kids do.I had this sweet little robot from Kristen Doran, hiding in my present (underwear) draw, waiting for the right moment to hand it over to Ari.
Last Friday night we went to the Avid Reader Little Market, and Mishi chose a beautiful little handcrafted doll. (pictures another day, sorry).
Of course, Ari felt a bit sad that he didn't have a new friend. So, out came the little robot.
He loves it. Thank you so much Kristen for this perfect friend. It has all the detail that a kid loves; he keeps asking me what each button does. There are so many buttons, so many different things your robot could do.
The morning after we gave it to him, he woke up and drew this amazing illustration of 'Robie'.
Every morning Ari draws, each and every morning our house is filled with glorious images like this - and while beautiful and special and magical, it can get a bit crazy with paper everywhere.
I'd love some ideas on how you keep all the paper and artworks contained, while showing them off and appreciating them at the same time.

You can buy Kristen's robots made up, or as fabric panels - with lots of little robie friends. Over here.*bottom photos from Kristen Doran's site. Top is Ari's artwork.
**Also, just wondering, does anyone know much about kids writing styles, etc. The other day Ari wrote a whole word upside down (the word was imagination). All the letters were correct, and totally legible. He is left-handed and writes backwards just as easily as forwards, but this is the first time I have seen him write upside down. Is this natural in kids, or...... is my kid special!!. (I hope you understand the joke in asking is my kid as special, but just wondering).

today ::

today ari asked me, as we were driving past the cemetery, what it was.
i explained to him, though i knew he already knew, that it was where some people bury the people they love, when they die.
he then asked me, when all the family people have buried all the people who have died, who buries the last family person, when they die.

i had to stop and think, for a moment, and totally appreciate his thinking. his logical way of working it all out. and i smiled.
i took it literally to mean - the very last person on earth. who will bury that person. or who will mourn that person.
of course. we know
no-one will need to mourn the last person.

children remind you to think about things, don't they.
they take nothing for granted.
accept nothing as it is presented.
ask many questions until they are content that they know for themselves, what it means.
not knowing the rote of learning, the knowledge of learning.

i'm going to have to start sharing

My big boy decided that he can sew by himself. On my machine. He had this long stretch of white felt that we got from (possibly) Reverse Garbage. He drew great lines on it, just strips of colour. And a few cross lines as well. Simple. And perfect. In a very graphic art way. I really like his simplicity, his restraint with the shapes and lines. Just keeping it still and uncomplicated.
(Someone outside, in another house, is playing a beautiful lyrical piece on a flute, or something. Another one of those moments you have of living in the city. In a street where you can hear your neighbours breath and talk and yell, and play music, and laugh).So, after much talking, and me having to finish sewing my skirt (photos tomorrow, or some other time, I promise), I let him at the machine. First he sat on my lap, moving the fabric about with his hands, and pressing the button to reverse the stitches, lifting the foot up and clunking it down. All to my instruction. With me pressing the foot presser, to make it all go.
Then, while I was doing something else in the same room (my machine is now in our kitchen), he hopped onto the chair, and stretching his legs to reach the foot presser, he started doing it all on his own.So, my big (little) boy can sew. Have a look at that concentration.We got a box to make the foot presser higher, so that he can reach properly. And with standing over shoulder instructions from both mum and dad about being careful to not get fingers sewn on.
He did it.
He decided exactly where to start and when to stop the stitches. And then, half way through a line, half way across the 'page' he stopped, lifted up the foot presser, cut the thread. And declared it finished.
So, I suppose I'm going to have to share my sewing machine with him now, hey. Or buy him his own.

portrait of an artist

These photos are all taken by the little artist himself. I love the composition and viewpoints in these images.He painted this one by squeezing the paint straight from the tube, and working it into shapes. He did this all on his own, while I was doing something else. He asked me to get the paints down, while the littest one was asleep, and set about doing some beautiful and textural paintings. Pieces that needed a few days drying time.
This one, the smaller one in the middle, was a collaboration between Sam and Ari. Done with those paint pen things, straight onto canvas. Many beautiful parts in this. I hadn't even got out of bed for the day, and these two artists had completed this mini masterpiece.
The red and black piece on the left is one of Sam's canvas lipstick palms, which he has hand drawn on top of. The beetle vase in the front is by Deb Cocks, I've mentioned her before (somewhere, I think).And this is, of course, a fun and childish self portrait!

almost four

Ari will be four in just over a month.

At the moment he is such an intensely sweet boy. He brings me flowers, and little leaves; when we were at a park party this weekend past he went off with all the big boys to look at the jumping-off-bridge, and he came back (the smallest one, wrapped in my sister's jumper) with a cluster of leaves he had picked up for me. They looked like a flower. He handed them to me with a matter-of-factness, yet a simple lovingness as well. And then went on with doing his playing of running around with his cousins and friends.

The other night, while I was lying with Mishi on her bed giving her milk, he lent his head over his bed railing and said "I can't stop thinking about you". Every night he needs me to hop into bed with him, after I've fed Mishi. And he says that I can't forget, I have to make sure that I do lie with him too. Even though he's fast fast asleep I lie down beside his warm and tossing body and listen to his steady child breathing.

He gives me the most delicious kisses. Sometimes little kisses all along my arm. Such sweet tenderness. I truly know that he loves me. Mishi doesn't like to give kisses very often, but Ari always does. And hugs too.

We have fantastic conversations together. In fact, he rarely stops talking. Even in his sleep. He notices everything, observing more than I expect a four-year old to; I know he gets that from me (in fact, I think he's taken that from me, as I seem to have lost it!).

He always knows whats going on, listening and asking. Constantly asking. Wanting to know about so many things. I tell him I don't know, that we'll find out.

Just now, when he went out with Sam to go skateboarding, he came and gave me a kiss goodbye. He lent against me, eyes closed, lips on mine. 'Bye, see you, see you soon.' Such maturity, and depth in his look and his voice.

I can't fathom who he will be, even in year, let alone as a young man, or a father, an adult. I know he will be opinionated, wise, loving, gentle, funny -on so funny that boy of mine.

He seems to have a definite artistic leaning, which is to be expected considering our whole extended family has talents in many creative fields.

Some times he talks little stories, the whole time he's playing or just doing something random he'll be talking out what he's doing as if it's a story bout someone else. Things like (but not these exact words, as I can never remember the exact words) :: 'then the boy went and he talked on the telephone. And he was drawing a picture of a robot. And the boy was wearing a blue shirt.....'. We often have shows to watch, performances in the loungeroom. He and Mishi rehearse; Ari sets up stage lights using things like pieces of lego or some colourful coasters or rocks. We have to sit and watch and listen and clap. Of course we enjoy it.

He is melodramatic too. On the weekend, he fell and hurt his foot. Blood, and scrapes, and exposed flesh. I wasn't allowed to put any teatree oil on it. He lay on the couch for almost an hour, moaning extravagantly. He wouldn't get dressed for the party we were going to, lay there in his pyjamas. Flopped across the couch cushions, calling me to help him. And for days he talked about his blood, that he couldn't walk properly because of his sore. Oh, I remember doing things like that.

He talks about when he's older. How he and Ashy will live together, and will I live with them too. about when he can drive a car. And that I told him I would take him to the snow one day. Yet the other day he asked me why big schools don't have toys (toys are what he calls play grounds, swings and things).

Lately he's been planning his birthday party. Pretending to phone people, on his own no longer working mobile phone (kids nowadays have many playthings don't they?). Telling me what sort of cake he wants. And what games we will play. He knows the street name of the park we have decided to have his party in; and tells people 'the party will be at W*** St'.

He'll come home happy about having been skating, telling me the things he did. And then he'll be tired; dinner time, and bed time. Upset that he can't come out with me and Mishi when I go for craft night. Yet understanding and accepting, and having a lovely time at home with just Sam.

And then falling asleep as soon as he lays his head on the pillow (like I used to). And sleeping, and dreaming...........

summery market day

Well, after a busy and tiring two+ weeks preparing; the Southbank Young Designer's Market has come and gone.

We had quite a lovely day (albeit tiring, standing all day in the hot afternoon sun).

Only a few photos of our stall. First of all we forgot to take photos, then when we remembered the sun was too shiny on all our things. Oh well. More markets to come. This coming weekend, in fact. Our stall wasn't set up quite as we would have liked, due to market restrictions and the wind - so next time we'll take more photos, as I know it'll look more like we imagine - more the way it should.

I am so pleased and proud of what we produced. The work that Sam particularly put in these past weeks to get all our work done is amazing. And the results are simply stunning.

I for one, really like everything we had for sale. And, you know what - it's all us. Looking at what we made (and believe me, we made everything ourselves*), I see us in it all. You know when you see something and think 'hey, that's cool, or beautiful or funky or.. whatever word you may use - wish I could do something like that'. Well, that's what I think when I look at our own things. The tag we made to sew onto the cushions (and when I get to making our own screen printed bags and purses and things) is so cool - I love it. I'll take a photo tomorrow to show you.

Canvas artwork :: Sam's original hand drawn images, scanned, then printed, coated and stretched. Also matted prints of same images - right size to fit into a normal photo frame.

Hand screen printed hemp / organic cotton cushions :: Again Sam's designs, hand cut stencils, then hand screen printed (by both of us) and sewn into cushions by me. This fabric is so soft and textural to touch. I loved cutting and sewing it; using this fabric is more than just the feel - it's the thing of trying bit by bit to use things a little more environmentally conscious in their process and growing and manufacture.

Little by little we know how we want this small business to try and evolve. We have so many ideas - and can talk and talk about them together. I hope we can watch it unfold happily and successfully over the coming weeks, and months.

I have my regular fortnightly craft night tomorrow, with some lovely friends, at my beautiful sister's house (her house is beautiful, and so is she!). So, I'm off to bed to dream up what craft I can take and work on - this seems to be the only dedicated "me crafting" time of late.

Memories for Ari :: these last few days you have been saying "I don't have any time for me" or "I want some me time". You say it with such meaning, as if playing with Mishi is simply too much and you want to play on your own - and that no one ever lets you play on your own (or read a book, or listen to your own music once in a while or....).

*I do have to admit that some things we had a little bit of family help with, to get it all ready in time. Sam's parents for so helpful. His dad stayed up late helping with the printing, and his mum looked after the kids for both weekend days (long days too). And Sylve helped with kid caring (even though she was sick, and is was her only day off work), and she made a few fabric covered buttons too.

swaps :: new projects

Well, I finally managed to get my swap posted to Sarah for the Valentines Swap. It seemed to take me so long to get it completed and then extra days to get to the post office than necessary - but finally it's headed off to her home.

I really enjoyed this swap, for so many reasons. This was my second swap, and I'm loving the friendship and community that has been developing for me lately, mainly through blog-land. While making my Valentines swap I was thinking of Sarah and her family - of how I have so enjoyed reading her blog over the last .... has it been a year, I'm not sure? Not just the reading of her blog - but the feeling like I was being welcomed in. And the inspiration of her projects, her days, her children, her words and photographs (and the photographs of her son, as well!).

I also really enjoyed this swap because it gave me a heap of ideas and motivation to make sure I send some Valentines to my loved ones - friends and family. I have projects started that I will be attempting to finish over the next few nights (though I have busy days ahead).

I also just jumped into some of my projects, and didn't over-think them. I feel that I may make this my year of just doing, and experimenting, and trying things. To not worry about the mistakes or the end result so much as the fun of the making. While I do want to try (when I have a few spare moments) to start some form of business from my sewing / craft, I want it to be something I enjoy doing for me - not for the end salable product. I think that so many things happen from just doing, and learning how to use basic plans, but being flexible about it.

For now, I'll only show snippets of what I sent - I do want it to be a surprise! But hopefully next week I will have more finished projects to show you.

Next weekend I am going to a fabric manipulation workshop. I am so looking forward to this - to learning heaps of new techniques, to hopefully learning how to put a zip in (once and for all!!), and having a whole day of sewing sewing sewing with fabric scraps. And, also, to spending the whole day with my sister (who is also doing the workshop). We both have young children, and while we visit each other often, we rarely have long moments of time for just being, or chatting, or creating together and for ourselves.

On other topics :: Today we went to look at a kindy for the possibilty of Ari (and me) moving into that next phase. We went along with Momo and Oliver - both the boys are very close in age, and I feel that Momo and I have similar wants for our child care aspirations. It was a lovely centre, with a great outside and inside play space - lots of nurturing wooden blocks, an amazing amount of books, cubby houses, chooks and guinea pigs, an excellent craft corner....... Our boys loved it - playing and looking and touching :: while we were within their sight. We had to stand and watch them, or sit beside them.

For quite a while I have been asking Ari if he wants to go to kindy (he was in daycare before Mishi was born, while I worked part-time, but he's not anymore). He keeps telling me that he wants to be with me and Mishi. And that he'll go to kindy and then school "when I'm bigger". If I ask him how much bigger, he points to some random height above his head. Today was no different, with the added comment (to his uncle) that we had just been looking at Oliver's kindy. I feel that that really said it all - his feeling about going at this point. While I know that there would be so much for him there, I am not going to push him into anything he doesn't feel happy about. At daycare, in the past, the carers have told me that he stops the separation crying after a few minutes - sure, I belive that - but I also know that he did cry when we left him, and maybe he only stopped because he knew there was nothing he could do about it.

So much guilt, so many steps and milestones and things to know and learn along this parenting road. Through it all, I can trust only my own base instinct and the words, feelings, (imploring) eyes of my children. They know their role of being Child so much better / stronger than I know mine of being Mother.

city learning

Even though the countryside keeps pulling and enticing me, we still continue to find advantages of city living. Last night we went for a walk, after dinner, in the glorious afternoon-sun colours of our Summer. We had to go and water the plants at my sister's house - and of course, have a jump on their trampoline. She only lives one long block away, but we managed to draw the five minute walk out. Exploring and learning on the way.

I keep going round-about on this thought process of homeschooling. Keep wondering if it will be something that is good for our family, if we will do it. Last night really reconfirmed to me that it's not will we, but that we already are homeschooling. Each house number, letterbox we passed on our walk we stopped at. Ari and I talked about what the number was, he traced the metal forms with his fingers. We talked about how a 3 looks like a backwards E, and a 5 almost like an S. And yet again, he impressed and surprised me when he could read all but one of the letters on the STOP sign. (The P is a letter that isn't in any of our names, so he doesn't know it as well).

He has been recognising letters for quite a while now. Seeing them on street signs, shop signs, boxes we bring home from the supermarket, at the bakery, on the corner store. Especially he knows an A, I suppose that would be the first letter that most kids learn - the letters in their own name.

So, following on from that, he can write his name - beautifully is I do say so. And other letters and number-forms are slowly following.

For a long time we have been talking about numbers and letters, and it is falling into place for him (and me). His first 'writings' (possibly even more than a year ago) were generally shopping lists, long squiggly lines of words that he told us said pasta or toothpaste or cheese or tofu.

We were always reading when we were kids. It is my hope is see my kids curled up or sprawled out devouring their books, or languishing over images and words. Pity that they don't see me doing much reading these days - I think since Ari was about six months old, I have not been able to focus on any book for long enough to actually remember what the story is about! Maybe one day again, I will find the time and mental capacity for novels, and finish those that I have started.

snippitysnippitysnip

Enough of our little boy being called a girl :: not that it was really so much of an issue for me. It does mean we can't dress him up like this anymore! I'm getting used to it slowly, slowly. He doesn't quite look like someone I know. When he talks to me in Ari's voice, I've been wondering who is this boy in my house, this boy holding my hand, this boy who is talking, laughing, smiling like my boy. So, I guess I'm getting to know him differently, anew, fresh. That's always a good thing for such an everyday intense relationship between mother and child.

Anyway, he seems to really like it. He says it's good. So, that's it then. The baby hair is gone :: does that mean my baby is gone? Oh, I hope not. We're going to find out!

Ari's hair was so fine and soft and curly and wispy and long, fluttering and flopping in his eyes, mouth, food.... Running my hands through it, combing it with my fingers. Seeing that messy mop every morning sticking up all over the place. Now it's velvety, dries in moments.... short short short!

wisdom of a three year old

The other day I overhead Ari talking to himself. He wasn't talking on the (pretend) phone, as he often does - conducting a great conversation through a wooden banana or one of our old mobile phones. (With the batteries taken out, they are an accessory that Ari enjoys!).

No, he was talking to himself - or possibly to one of the people he keeps telling me are in the room with us (or building our house, wearing pink clothes).

"Dear Ari, Accept (or was it except?) that you'll be older. When you're three. Mummy, I'm three aren't I?". I don't know what he was thinking or talking about. Really, mostly his mind wonders and scrambles so much quicker than mine, and his mouth manages to keep up! Anyone with a young child, who can string a few words together will know what I mean. This little boy who used to be so quiet as a baby and small toddler - well, he fills our world with noise. With words, stories, questions, questions, questions. He rattles off songs we've listened to, stories we've read, conversations he's overheard. Just yesterday he copied every single word I said while on the phone to someone, having to pay a bill (or pay off a layby!!), so I was telling them my credit card number.

Every moment I look at him, listen to him, spend time with him - he is growing and growing. Right now - despite the tantrums and whinging (which really isn't too bad anymore) - he is a very thoughtful, caring boy. Today, while we were waiting for new tyres on our car we went to a cafe. Whenever my glass of juice was empty he topped it up again for me, without spilling a drop. He kept offering me bites of his biscuit. This afternoon he wanted to put Mishi to sleep, telling her a story and patting her on the back. The lady at yoga-care said he had such lovely manners, and was nice to be with :: Well, I agree.

I especially love when he comes over to me, just while doing his things, leans against me and gives me a kiss. Sometimes on my leg or my shoulder, sometimes on my mouth. And he says "I love you in the whole world".

Thanks Ari for brightening up my days, for making me think about things differently, or again and again, for expecting me to be a wonderful Mother. For loving me for who I am. I love you in the whole world Baba. xx

happy birthday baby boy - 25 October

Well, my Darling, now you are three. You are 97cm tall. You weigh 14.6kgs. I love that this is a reference for something for you :: you use it when we play shops - icecreams cost 14 point six, and the books you set up and sell cost 14 point six. When you measure things with your tapemeasure they are generally 14.6, sometimes you just say things are centmeet.

Every single day I see you growing bigger, learning and discovering more. I can hardly keep up with you. I don't quite feel like I know enough to keep up with you. All day you ask me what things are, what words mean, why this, why that. Both Sam and I try the best we can to explain things to you, we tell you how things are, and don't make words up or use baby-talk. (You know all about Mummy's period :: and have told a few people too!).

Lately you have been singing and dancing a lot. You remember words of songs and stories really easily. Last week everywhere you went you sang "Wobble your Knees" and walked around shaking and knocking your knees. And you pick up and recite stories really well, already you know words from your new birthday books. Though you are still convinced that you can't read.

I'm sorry, Honey Bear, but we lost Bunny again a few weeks ago. This time, he has not come home. Yet, it seems to be a good time - if ever there really was. Bunny had become a wonderful friend for you, you called him such, so I wanted you to be able to have him always. You didn't need him, or rely on him for comfort so much anymore. You have taken the loss so well. Occasionally you have asked for Bunny, but have understood and almost accepted when we've told you that he's gone somewhere else. On the first day when I really explained his loss, you had a big cuddle and quiet-time. You also said that you didn't want Mishi, you wanted Bunny.

About Mishi :: you do love her. Last week you finally gave her a kiss goodnight, and when we were lying down for sleeping you were stroking her hair so softly. She looks to you, loving playing with you and following you - just the way you do with Ash (and the way Sylve did with me when we were kids!). I know right now it's hard for you, not wanting someone competing with the attention and time from your Mummy and Daddy. Soon, I know, Mishi will be a great friend for you.

I love spending time with you. Drawing, talking, walking, cooking, reading, playing cafes or shops, or building lego or mobilo, or painting. You are an excellent cook, measuring things out and cracking the eggs, turning the mixer on and off, pouring batter into muffin or cake tins. Last weekend you and Daddy made sushi for dinner, you stood up on your stool, helping, and eating seaweed.

We all still sleep in one big bed together. Mish's cot is joined to our bed on one side, and your little bed on the other side. I love having my whole family in one big bed. You wake up in the morning, happy for the day, you ask me "how was your sleeping Ellie?".

You are still my little baby. Sometimes I look at you, and remember you as a baby. My tiny little boy. Your face is growing leaner, and your body skinnier and taller. You have the same body shape as your Dad. I see a boy, a baby. My boy, my baby.

Giggle, laugh, learn, grow, experience, feel, see, hear, show, listen, tell, help, know. You show me how to do all this and so much more every day. Thank you, Honey Bear. xxx

ode to a friend

THIS* just made me (almost) cry. My heart pumped up, my eyes swelled. My guilt was evident all over again. I suppose to most people these images would be beautiful, yes emotive, evocative, a wonderful memory or story of childhood. To me :: they remind me that I am the Mother who lost her son's special friend.

Well, I don't know if I lost it, or if Ari did. But really, I am the one who takes the blame and responsibility for Bunny not coming home a few weeks ago. I still keep hoping I'll find him squashed under the car seat. Yet I know this can't be. We've looked and looked and looked.

And the gallery never rang to say they had found the grubby blanket bunny head. And we went back and looked around the streets. Strange. Gone.

Ari has been so very good and understanding. I suppose if this had to happen (again), then now really was the best time. Having his birthday excitement. Moving into the next phase of being a bigger boy. He didn't need Bunny for that 'security' so much anyway. Yet, Bunny had become an excellent friend - that's what Ari called him. Really, he could have transitioned away from the needing of Bunny yet still kept him as that precious little friend. And - memory for this Mama of that precious moment of childhood.

These photos were taken only a few days before Bunny went missing. On their last outing together.Ari, darling. You love(d) Bunny - he was real, important, special. When we talked about him not being here anymore you were brave but sad. You kept saying that you didn't want Mishi, you wanted Bunny. You have asked us a few times over the last weeks where Bunny is :: each time we tell you the truth. You understand and listen, yet you still say 'I want Bunny, get me Bunny'. I love Bunny too, and miss him. I miss who he turned into - for you, what he represented, his lovely little head and paws, his grubby grubby grubby totally loved self. The fact that he went so many places through your childhood with you, yet was tossed easily across the room and left in a corner until bedtime when we had to turn the house upside down before you could go to bed.
Bunny :: moved in with the fairies. We miss you.

*Link doesn't take you to exact image. Thank you Leigh-Ann for your tutorial, but somehow it's not letting me upload the image.... So :: go to "The Doudou Projects", image 13 esp but all of them really.