just like that

Just like that it's been close to two weeks since I last wrote here. My days have been constant, not necessarily 'busy', but just constant. As happens with two little ones, and the general family life that has been enveloping our days.

My sister and her (almost) six-year son have been staying with us since last week. This has been so wonderful, yet so intense, and overwhelming, and noisy, and tiring.

There are so many things battering about in my head to get out - yet also a sort of silence. Well, maybe the thoughts are there, bumping together, but not making enough electricity to turn into real sentences or words.... ??? I am thinking in monotone some days, in overtone other days. (Oh, please don't ask me what that actually means - those words just popped out!).

Sewing has been slow of late, but living has been fast and energetic and inspiring. I have spent days of just being with the children. Of not turning the computer on, or not getting any fabric out, of not having expectations (or wants or desires) of achieving anything other than just being with them.

Today we made a big mess of our dining table, and cut and glued and drew and planned and constructed. We made insects and flowers, and a "jungle" in our front room. We had a tea party for morning tea, with lots of guests; some of them had a nap afterwards. We had a concert in the backyard. We had tickles and laughs and silly flying games. We crawled and roared like monsters. The boys went bike-riding with Sylve. We had ice-creams, and Easter eggs/bunnies. And, miraculously, we cleaned it all up before the day was done - well, most of it anyway.

I made bread again (I have been making it generally every second day of late). And felt totally satisfied with the strength in my arms to 'push and pull, push and pull' while I kneaded and worked the dough. I made a crayon roll to give to a friend tomorrow, and felt satisfaction in my ability to start and finish a sewing project in one night. I enjoyed the things I achieved, and didn't feel bad about the things I didn't quite get to doing. (PS - I washed the dishes, and the nappies, and vacuumed the floor after a glass was broken. I can't remember if I had a shower or brushed my hair today).

I am finally announcing the winner of my 100th Post Giveaway! I have decided to give a special gift to all the beautiful readers who left a comment. So, please email me your address, but don't be rushing to your mail boxes as I know I won't be able to get it all done before at least half-way through April. Congratulations: Beth, Annie, Matroskin, Tonya, Blossom Creations, Amy, Jade, Melissa, djbebe.I hope you all like what I create for you.

Good night. xxx

Added: Sorry everyone, I thought my email address was somewhere on my profile; it's not! ellieabeck@hotmail.com

work'n' 9-5

Last month I started working one-two days a week back at the job I was working before Mishi was born. (Which was different to the place I worked full time for six years, and left before Ari was born). It's a pretty little dress shop/boutique, with lovely homewares and a Japanese feel to it - while all the clothing is made locally in Brisbane.

I used to enjoy it. It was so different from my full-time job (which I loved for different reasons). But now, having only been there for a handful of shifts, I am already bored. Is there something wrong with me? The environment is pleasant, the customers are friendly, the boss is generally fine and I don't see them that much. But, I think, it's just not challenging me anymore. I have so many other things I want to be doing. Instead of standing there and selling for someone else I want to be creating for myself, or playing with the kids, even listening to the music that Ari has been playing on repeat these past few days.

It's so hard to leave my children in the morning. I know they will have a lovely day - today with their Dad, tomorrow with their Grandma. (Yes, we have made the decision, yet also are lucky enough, to not have to put them into childcare). They will often have a better day with other family members, than with me. But, that's not the point!

I have so many ideas, and itchy fingers when I'm standing at work, dusting or telling someone they look lovely in that dress. (I am honest as a sales person. I could never tell someone they look good if they don't). Well, actually, now that I think about it - my creativity seems strongest when I'm not in a position to do anything; driving, putting the kids to bed, working, washing up.... Does that happen to you? And then when I get a small quiet moment, well the quiet happens in head and body and I don't have the urge to 'do'.

I have just put my name down to do a market stall in a little over a month's time; the last Friday in April. Oooh, what date is that? I have done this without having any stock to sell, yet endless ideas of things I can make, and sell (hopefully sell!). I feel that I will work best with a deadline. Hopefully I do, and not leave it right until the last week... urgh, don't let me do that.

Next weekend is Easter long weekend, so Sam will have extra days off work, and I won't be working at all. I am going to send him out, with the kids, each morning. And spend the time at home, cutting and sewing, and thinking, and planning. So, maybe over the next few weeks I will not be here very often, or maybe I'll have things to show you - excited and happy, asking for advice and help, and inspiration, and the continued support you have been giving me.

I have had some lovely comments over the past few weeks. If I have not yet replied to you, I have meant to, but things got in the way - I hope you understand. I hope also, that you know how much I appreciate all the lovely, friendly comments I receive. Thank you. If you have not yet commented on my 100th Post, please do - I am going to keep the giveaway open for a few more days.

And while I'm thanking people. I wanted to link to DJBebe for giving me a "You Make My Day" award, a little while ago. ::Thank you for the lovely flowers:: There are so many people who make my day - maybe another day I'll dedicate a whole post to my favourites, as there are too many to think about right now!

**All of these photos have nothing to do with this post. They are just a few that Ari has taken of me over the past few days. (With the exception of the one of me taking a photo of me in the mirror!). I go through many phases of liking the way I look. But these little snippets of me just doing stuff have lovely parts in them (and posing!). I like the "me" they portray, maybe because they are more a feel than solid images. The white top is one that I made from this pattern (changed a bit). I have plans for some more, as I like it so much - but Sam doesn't, maybe that's why it's taken me so long to get more made.....? I have a friend who had made herself a few dresses out of a similar pattern, which I, too, have been thinking about. There should be a few more photos over on flickr in the next few days, if my computer speeds up a bit.

Just some more rambling thoughts before I head off to bed. Good night.

baby steps

I feel so slack not having posted about this earlier - seeing as how this blog is supposed to be some form of record-keeping of my children's' growing up. Arh well, I'm doing it now, hey!

Mishi has been standing more and more confidently these past few weeks, and taking steps. The first time she walked more than one tumbly step, I wasn't in the room. But since then, she has been getting steadier on her feet, and feeling so proud of herself. She often doesn't walk if you ask her to, she doesn't like it to be a 'show'. But if you ask her to give something to someone on the other side of the room, she wobbles off happily. Standing up and sitting down are easy for her now, which means when she starts to feel wobbly she just sits down, then gets herself up again.

Mainly, she is still crawling, but the walking is happening more and more each day. And she dances, too. Such excellent body swaying - holding herself steady in the middle of the floor and clapping and swinging, and leg bopping. She sure has some excellent rhythm. And she loves clapping, when she hears someone singing about 'clap your hands'.

She is also saying more sounds with little words forming. I'm sure no-one else hears them, but I sure do. When we sang Happy Birthday yesterday at our morning tea picnic*, she surely sung 'ha' and then clapped her hands, and held her arms up above her head in excitement.

More and more she knows what she wants, and she sure tells us. Already I can see that she is a little drama queen, and that she knows how to work it! She also knows so much of what is happening around her, and wants to be involved in everything that Ari or Ashi does. This morning Ari was sitting on a soccer ball, and Mishi simply had to do it too. She wiggled about, bottom in the air, trying to perch on the ball. And when I ask her to lay her head down for a new nappy, she plops it down on a pillow, with her bottom poking up into the air. Not the most practical way to change a nappy, but very cute to see. Often she sleeps like this** - isn't it one of the sweetest poses of a baby?

We've been dressing her in those full baby suits for bed lately (getting a bit colder here, now), and it makes her look so much like a little bub. I think I keep forgetting that she's already 13 months old - and moving closer and closer to the toddler age.

*We have to sing Happy Birthday a few times a week in our house. Ari talks and talks about his birthday quite often, even though it's not until October. So, we have a candle and sing. Sometimes a doll or teddy or baby animal has a birthday for us to celebrate. I don't mind indulging this little bit of magic, I love celebrations too.

**Not my photo or my baby. I couldn't find any photos of my own, that showed her so cute (with clothes on at least - we've had a hot Summer!). While searching flickr I found this. Looks comfy, hey!

my little corner

Finally found a bit of time to get some more tidying and organising, and prettying in my little corner, sewing space. It's half a room - the other half is kids toys, clothes, that sort of thing. (Really, it's our second bedroom, and Ari should be sleeping in here. But he doesn't want to - who'd want to move out of Mum + Dad's bed! - and I'm not ready to give up the sewing space).

The beautiful little acorn picture, and the b/w bust image are from Stefani's Blue Yonder etsy shop. I bought them ages ago, and have been waiting to have them on show.

I still have to put up another inspiration line, underneath the other one. Well, Sam put the first one up for me, so he'll probably do the next one. I'd also like to have a corkboard in there, but they seem hard to find lately!

The screen-printed yarrow fabric hanging down is from the very talented Erin of Blossom Creations. I have the yellow tea towel also, which I still have to find a spot for.

When I lived on my own - well, with flatmates or in my own room at my parent's house - I always had heaps and heaps of inspiration images up all over my walls. Just blu-tacked up. I really like doing that. Lots of fashion, and interiors, and colour ideas. Now that I own my home, and have spent hours and dollars painting it - well, I'm not quite so keen to use lots of blu-tack. (Ummm, actually I think it's Sam who spent most hours, and who isn't so keen).*

I'm really liking the way this little corner is shaping up. I have heaps of ideas and plans and projects that need starting and finishing (let's not get into my WIP list!). So, hopefully the kids and I will manage to keep it tidy enough for me to do a little sewing.

*Now I'm sounding like I can't do anything for myself. I can, it's just that - well, I'm a bit lazy and Sam's much better at it than me! Please, I do think of myself as a modern feminist - I just know my limitations.

That Denyse Schmidt Quilt-It Kit is proving to be wonderful inspiration. It was purchased on a lovely afternoon out on my own a few months ago.

100 - finally here

Well, here it is :: my 100th Post! I know, I know - a lot of you would have done this within 3 or so months. My 'regular' 8 or so a month posting has landed me here. Finally at 100. I've been wanting to use it as an excuse for a giveaway - have been thinking about it for ages.

So, here you go - as a celebration of me sticking at this, and enjoying it, and finding new friends, and inspiration, and doing a bit of sewing and photography and me time. I really love this little space of mine, and I love having all of you as guests in my home.

We may have a party this afternoon - please join us. (Ari can't wait for his birthday in October, so we get to have lots of parties here).

As a party gift, and a thank you for being my friend, for opening up and sharing and listening - I'm going make something (I don't know what yet??), to send to one lucky guest. Please, leave me a comment - say hello all you lurkers (friends + family welcome, too!). I'm going to wait a week or so, and then choose a name. Tell me a little about yourself in your comment.

Thank you for being here for me, and encouraging me.

Inspiration :: red, pink, orange

Inspiration :: red, pink, orange,

1. palm seeds in red, 2. magnets, 3. Pink, 4. Flowery Smock embroidery, 5. Whimsical embroidery, 6. pink avocados, 7. fox pin1, 8. Cards & Wrap, 9. winged red bird ornament, 10. Cherry Blossom Sky, 11. Untitled, 12. Felt vessels, 13. three cups, 14. Resize of Picture 106, 15. you are beautiful too, 16. gift from my friend, 17. The Greatest Love, 18. ribbon1, 19. wednesday {37} the bee, 20. drop, 21. Untitled, 22. Untitled, 23. no emotion2, 24. Untitled, 25. books, 26. "Heed My Warning" Quilt, 27. star jewels, 28. new tacks, 29. The Remains, 30. detail :: front + inside, 31. love, 32. Watching The Rain Fall, 33. bromilead purple, 34. new outfit for Annika, 35. "Red Furry Monster", 36. palm seeds with red + blue

Created with fd's Flickr Toys.

A few favourites - some my own, some yours, or theirs. I've never done this before, using other people's photos on my blog - if any of you mind, then please let me know and I'll delete them.
This took me ages to just get all the links, so I don't think I'll be doing it again in a rush. It was actually hard to pick pictures without seeing them all together.
The cooler weather is happening here in Brisbane. This red will warm me up. Thank you for keeping me inspired.
I have seen a lot of lovely green out there this week, and might head in that colour direction soon.........

cake - didn't think it worked, but it did

This weekend past I made a yummy cake for my Mother-in-laws birthday dinner party. I was going to make a chocolate almond(meal) torte, but Sam forgot to buy the chocolate when he went shopping. So, I had to rethink. I couldn't find any recipes for what I wanted, so I made up my own recipe. This is actually something I normally do, I don't often use recipes word for word, generally as inspiration. (Though I generally try to not have to use my brain at 8pm, when two kids are still up with endless energy and noise). The cake ended up being quite delicious, so I thought I'd share the recipe with you. Please feel free to fine tune it, and let me know your results.

When the cake cooked it looked perfectly browned on the top, but after cooling in the tin, I realised that the bottom still wasn't cooked well enough. So, thinking that it wouldn't be very tasty, I made another cake an hour before we went to dinner. An easy, but delicious and showy chocolate roulade. I'll share the recipe another time - I have no photos, it was gobbled too quickly.

Pear, Ricotta, Cardamom + Almond Torte ::

150g softened butter (I actually used 250g, but this was too much, so will reduce it to 150g next time I cook this recipe).

1/2 cup brown sugar

4 eggs, separated

210g almond meal (hazelnut would be tasty too)

1 cup fresh ricotta

2 cups chopped pears

2teaspoons vanilla essence

20 fresh cardamom pods, well ground

Mix butter and sugar, until well whipped and creamy. Add egg yolks, one at a time, and continue beating. Add vanilla essence and cardamom. Beat in ricotta, then almond meal - until only just combined. Don't work it too much. Beat egg whites until just before stiff peaks. Add to almond mix gently - start with one third, to ease the mixture, then add the rest of the whites. Gently stir in pear pieces. Pour into a lined springform tin - line the sides as well as the base. Put some brown paper or baking paper on top of cake for the first 20 minutes or so, so that the cake doesn't get brown on top quicker than it cooks. Bake at 180Celsius for 60 minutes, or until nicely browned. Test with a skewer, keep in mind that almond meal if moister than flour, so it will cling to the skewer, bit you should be able to see little granules when it's cooked properly.

This is Ari's piece, that he didn't eat. He and Mishi had a squabble about the last four blueberries.

This is a fairly moist cake. Possibly something that kids won't like, so maybe think about making them the chocolate cake too! You could soak the pears in some liqueur - pear or almond? And serve it with a lovely pear icecream.......

Please, let me know how you go with it. I think I'll be making this again, in a few weeks, when I head down to my Dad's house for some family remembering (five years, this year) time.

(Okay, I have more 'arty' photos of the cake, where it looks a bit tastier, but blogger isn't letting me upload them at the moment. So, check back tomorrow - hopefully! Still not working, so check over here for the cake shots - this is the piece that Mishi ate, before I got to have any).

such sweet generosity

Yesterday, while we were at the park with our friends - Momo and Oliver - and having our little picnic lunch, Momo handed me some glorious feeling fabric. We had been talking last week about kimonos, and how I would love to have some for the fabric, as I have heard from so many people about how easy it is to get older cotton and silk kimonos in Japan. Momo said that she had some, and would see if there were any pieces she might give to me.

Well, when I saw them in the park I was so excited. Such beautiful pieces of fabric, so perfect under my fingers. I almost started thinking about what to sew them into. But, when I got home and looked properly at them - well, they weren't pieces but full kimonos. Not cut into at all. Two full kimonos. One a thickish cotton, the other is the most beautiful silk. Both lined, with hand-stitching details.

When Sam got home he put the cotton one on - it looks really good on him. He wondered if maybe he could wear it, instead of me cutting and sewing it. I'm sure Momo wouldn't mind, at least until I work up my courage to put scissors to these generous gifts. I'm not sure if I can ever cut them - I'm not really good at cutting just squares of fabric, let alone something perfectly sewn and in excellent condition (no tears, no holes, no worn parts).

Thank you Momo. You may not know what this gift means to me. It's more than two beautiful kimonos, so many possibilities of what to turn it into. It's possibilities of what our friendship is turning into. We had a lovely time at the park yesterday, with you and your sweet son.

Check out flickr for more kimono fabric detail + dress up fun.

taking memory notes

I have started writing things in a notebook - often I totally forget things when I come here to write. Over my years, I have been a very sparodic journaller, though I have wanted to be more dedicated to personal writing. Little things, and moments, and tiny memories. I tell myself that I will remember the simple daily parts, the child-like way of saying a word, or the things we talk about. I know that so much I will never remember - so much I have forgotten already! So, here are a few snippets of thoughts - you must be getting used to that from me by now.

~~~

Copying (from an email to Anouk)

Ari has been doing sumersaults on cushions on floor, and then Mishi totally following what he is doing straight after. She goes onto the cushions and stands with her head down and bottom up, ready to roll. So quick, that copy and learn thing. Still totally overwhelms and amazes me - though, I think the tiredness pulls back a bit of the real 'wow' about a lot of things with this second child. Does that make sense?

~~~

Remembering Memories (Monday 9:08am)

The way, when she's looking at a book or something, she uses her thumb to point. Stretched out firm, with the other fingers flapped about. Poking and pointing at what she wants to show me.

The way he asks how was my sleeping. And what did I dream about. He dreamt about fireworks.

The way she is gaining confidence in her standing. Longer and longer moments of not holding onto anything. Often she doesn't realise she isn't holding on. Soon, soon she'll be walking.

The way she lunges for a hug. Putting her arms all around his body. Both of them with little smiles of pride (reflected from their parents' eyes?), and tenderness. And sometimes eyes closed, just enjoying.

The way his tongue wiggles about, slightly poked out, when he's concentrating. Writing letters and words. Peoples names in their birthday month, in his diary.

~~~

Water Babies (Thursday 10:55am)

Both my kids are water babies. They could play in, with, at water for hours on end. Water restictions, in Brisbane, mean that they'll never know the joy of running under a sprinkler on a hot day. So - we try other things. A plastic baby bath in the backyard, even a bucket to splash in or climb into. A few times lately, I have set up a plastic sheet on the floor with containers of water, sponges, cups, etc.

And the shower or bath, of course, keeps them happily entertained for lengths of time. If we mention that we're about to have a shower, Mishi heads off to the bathroom. And we find her, still fully dressed, one leg in the bath. It's almost like having to spell out the word w.a.l.k. to an excitable dog.

~~~

Added:: This week she has started taking steps. Small and tentative, and not at all if she doesn't want. But it is happening. She is standing longer and longer, and sitting down with deliberateness, rather than just falling on her bottom. Four steps last week, to her Daddy - while I was in another room (washing nappies). And yesterday, walking to Ari - who held his hands out for her, with glee that she was choosing him to walk to. And moment by moment I see that she is actually walking - will be walking within possibly no more than two weeks, probably less. And with that confidence, she is climbing stairs - up and down - with ease. Clambering up anything she can :: from the stool onto the kitchen bench :: up the big step bits at the park, and then down the slide (with scared Mama assistance). She has been climbing onto and off our couch and our bed for ages now. Everything she does now gets quicker and with more dedication and intensity and wanting.

She is also communicating is a very direct manner. Today when we walked back to where I had parked our pram she pointed at it, and indicated that it was hers and she wanted to be in it. Last night while I carried her in the sling, and then when I took it off, she pulled at it, grunting, and told me she wanted to lie with it tucked around her.

swap photos

I just wanted to put these images up here, so that I can keep seeing them!

This is just a part of the swap items I posted to Sarah and her family for our Valentine's Swap. I forgot to photograph everything. I think I go through the thing of feeling silly about taking photos of everything (combined with the lack of time, and generally a Being hanging off my arm during the good photography light hours). Yet, if I don't take photos then I wish that I had - and sometimes it's too late. Oh well, not everything needs to be recorded - does it!

I really like this card. I love the upside-down geisha lady, and the orange heart is fabric from a lamp shade Sylve gave us years ago that never opened properly. And the other orange-red pieces we tie-dyed quite a few months ago. As a family we sat in our backyard and tied and dipped and laughed and drew. Little memories for me.
Ari's writing of the first letters of their names. And his little hands. So small, so inquisitive, so creative.

The fabric for the bags is something that I've had for a long time - waiting for the right project. Simple little bags, with ribbon handles. And, of course, those special drawings of Ari's. Giving him calico and a fabric pen - and (trying to) letting him do whatever he wants. Of course, I go through the thing of wanting his drawings to be 'perfect' when they are to be given, or shown, to someone else. I have to let go of this need for his drawings to be something - rather than some scribbles.

The pink one for Annika is a person - I think maybe it was a girl, maybe even her. I told Ari about who we were sending these to, and he was very excited for that to be happening. The green/yellow bag for Gunnar is a lady beetle (I think?), with lots and lots of legs. Ari really likes drawing lots of legs for all his creatures. He counts them as he's drawing, and keeps adding more.

I forgot to photograph the little wardrobe pouch that I made for Sarah. It was my first real attempt at 'quilting'. None of it was cut out straight or square, so wasn't sewn straight. It really showed me that I did need to buy the rotary cutter - which I now love using! I had wanted to fill it with lavendar, but couldn't find out from customs if that would be okay or not. I know things coming into Australia are very strictly searched.

Also I stitched together a heap of paper hearts, in a long string to hang up. At the bottom I threaded some beads that my Mum gave me a long time ago. Two whole boxes of assorted beads, just waiting for me to stop feeling so precious about them, and start using them for something, anything.

I have lots more hearts that I cut out at the same time. Sitting, waiting for me to stitch them - easy job, just procrastination, and excuses. Story of my life.....

Arhhh well, trying to stop feeling the guilt about not achieving it all. Trying to realise that I can just sit and enjoy the quiet moment when Mishi is asleep, and Ari drawing, and the washing up done, the nappies folded....

We are still watching the mail box, waiting for the mail man to deliver our swap package. Probably looked so lovely that he wanted to keep it!

weekly update :: mama

This week I conquered my fear of zips. And the result wasn't too bad, not excellent, but not terrible. I can only get better :: I have a few zips, and more than a few ideas waiting to be put into action.

I did strip piecing for this. Something that I have been slowly working on over that past few weeks. And then we did it at the workshop I went to a few weekends ago. We did it onto iron-on interfacing, which is something that I don't use normally, but I really liked it. So, I'm going to do a bit more experimenting with it.

I have been sewing strips onto paper, and loving the sound as the needle pierces through the crisp parchment. And also loving the freedom of using fabric combinations that may not necessarily work for a piece of wearable (ie a bag or similar) 'art'. Some things are so fleeting or looked at in a different way, so can be put together differently. With different views, or eyes, or ideas. One card Sam foam-core mounted for my Dad, for his birthday. Another went to Sarah as part of our Valentine's Swap.

This little purse isn't lined. I like looking inside and seeing the stitch lines through the calico. I really love that 'negative space' aspect of it. Almost like the refuse, the discarded. The messy inside stitching lines are normally hidden out of sight. The cards, also, have the stitch lines quite exposed and obvious in their insides. On show.

I have another purse all ready to be sewn together, and zip sewn on. So, maybe tomorrow - if Mishi has proper naps!

Oh, and with my new rotary blade and cutting mat these sort of projects will be even more fun. Cut lines will be straighter, which means that sewing lines will be straighter (theoretically).

weekly update :: kids

Lots of at-home busyness this past week. Lots of kids play and creativeness - drawing, painting, building lego factories and rockets. Enjoying lots of new books from the library - lots of laughs with "Walter the Farting Dog", and discovering new-to-us Pamela Allen stories. Lots of dressing up, too, this week. Some lengths of fabric that I wasn't going to use for sewing have been turned into anything from dressing as the moon, clouds, rain, rivers, wombats, turtles, kimonos :: endless ideas and play.

And water play - to try to ease these hot Summer days we've been having. Tubs of water, with sponges and cups and heaps of smiles as things are tipped and spilt and coloured icecubes melt down into puddles.

Wearing her new birthday clothes. A lovely cotton knit dress from my sister + dad (from Seed). And these beautiful pants that Momo made for her - they fit perfectly, and are such a great cut. Really love new outfits for my girl! (Sorry about the not-too-focused photo).

And this week, also, a few quiet moments for some mama time!

breakfast conversation :: fruit mythology

In our house, we have quite a few breakfasts (and morning tea, a couple of lunches, and at least three afternoon snacks, before pre-dinner nibbles, and then finally dinner). Yesterday, Ari and I had breakfast number 2, after Sam had gone to work, and Mishi was having her morning (half an hour!) nap.

It's so lovely to sit down with a (not quite) three and a half year old. He is a wonderful conversationalist, funny, generous. We love those simple moments of doing everyday things, and putting a little specialness or ceremony into it. I had a cup of tea, Ari had warm honey milk. He chose the cups for us to use, setting them out on his little table.

When I frothed his milk (with a great little whizzer we got for $3.49 from the supermarket), he told me I was like a cap-a-machino person. ie: a waitress. He likes playing that game - I set the table with a pretty cloth, and serve them like in a cafe.

I also had to show you these beautiful images of a pomegrante we had this week. Ari doesn't like them (but, truthfully, there is a lot that he doesn't like), but Mishi really loved it. Picking up the teeny little juicy jewels with such delicate fingers. I love pomegrantes for so much more than their flavour. They are like treasure, mystical, luscious.

Remember the story of Persephone who only ate three seeds, while in the Underworld, with Hades, and was therefore made to stay for three months of every year down in the depths of the Earth. While her mother, Demeter, mourned her loss creating Winter. Then rejoiced and danced throughout Spring and Summer, when she returned.

I had to leave you with this tender, precious, heart-melting photo of my two special little creatures. Mishi leant into this hug so enthusiastically, and they both stayed there for more than a few moments. True love between brother and sister. Also, she has started saying a word that sounds a little like brother ("bo bu" or something like that). Or, are we just romantacising it?!

birthday photos

I just wanted to add a few photos of Mishi's birthday, as I only loaded them onto my computer. We had a lovely afternoon party for her birthday, at her Grandparents' house. I was too busy, being busy, to take photos. And a simple breakfast on her actual birthday, at home :: Sam was late for work + Ashy was late for school.

But, I have some sweet ones from her birthday breakfast, at home. Ashy + Ari sang her silly songs - thankfully we got it on video. We stuck some candles into playdough, and put it out of her reach - a one year old isn't so good at knowing not what to touch! Pancake/pikelets have been a big hit in our house with all kids (and adults), since our new kitchen makes it much easier and more fun to whizz them up. Quick, easy, tasty breakfast. We love them with frozen blueberries or raspberries, yoghurt and syrup or honey. (Looking at her berry stained singlet, I'm glad I didn't dress her up for birthday breakfast!).

birthday letter :: Mishi :: ONE

Well, a little overdue, I'm sorry, my Darling Girl. One day when you're reading this you may understand. I hope so - I hope also that I am there to share the days with you when you are a Mama yourself.

My daughter. You are now ONE. I cannot quite believe. I see you, experience you totally differently than with Ari as a baby.

You are such a beautiful little creature - also, so cheeky! You giggle with your brother - I know that you two will play together so well, so happily. You both accomodate each other so much more than I had thought. You look up to him, smiling and laughing with him.

Little kisses from you are so precious. You have been giving us kisses for a short while now. Making a smoothy noise, and scrunching up your lips. At bed time, you love giving us all kisses goodnight before I take you into bed for your milk. At first you would only kiss us, your immediate family :: Dada, Ari + Mama. Now you give kisses to select others at your discretion.

You are talking so much. Making noises into a telephone - or any object you hold up to your ear. Chatting away. You sit and read books, stories to yourself. Perched up on a cushion, or curled up in the corner of Ari's bed. At night-time when Daddy reads to Ari, you bring your own story over and want to sit and read it altogether.

You love dancing and singing. When we sing songs, or have music to listen to, you stand - holding onto someone - and bounce your legs up and down, and nod your head. You have a big smile on your face.

So often you have a smile or laugh. You have a crazy grin you give - of pleasure, satisfaction, intent dedication to whatever you are trying to do - with your teeth showing through a scrunched up grin.

You are understanding so much, and watching, and copying so much. If Ari does a tumble on the carpet then you want to do it too. You do a lot of downdog, and yoga poses - I really love seeing you do this, makes me think over my own Mum all over again.

A lot of things about you make me think of Mum. The way you play with your hair, twirling it in your fingers. My Mum used to do that too. And I think you will look a lot like her when you are bigger.

So many things about you are so different to Ari. You are a very different baby. Yet, so many things that you do remind me of him as a baby. And remind me that it's all going so quickly. When you have your lips clenched around my breast for your milk, and you start to giggle at something - either someone sitting beside us, or you trying to tickle me face while you feed. Ari used to do this - with his lips still keeping grip onto me.

Today, while we were playing peek-a-boo (when we were mistakenly trying to have your nap), you said "there" when you peeked out of the blankets. "there" as in 'there you are'!

And while I was cooking dinner, you indicated that you wanted to help me stir the saucepan. Well, of course I let you (after all, that's how Ari first learnt to cook). You loved it, wouldn't let me put you down, you wanted to keep holding that wooden spoon and stir and stir and stir the dahl until it was ready. You had such a look in intense pride on your face. When Daddy got home, you wanted him to watch you cooking, to see what you were doing. You love doing big person things, not baby things. You don't eat baby food (you never did), you like sitting in a big chair, not a high-chair.

Some days it feels as if everything is moving so slowly and we never see any change, yet other times I can only watch things speed by me. Thank you for the moments, fast or slow, for letting me spend time with a beautiful, laughing, smiling, happy, inquisitive, intelligent little creature. Love you Baby.

breakfast at warhol's

This is (l - r) :: me, my Dad + my sister, Sylvia. In the photobooth at the Andy Warhol exhibition at GOMA. We went today. I like going to exhibitions with my Dad - he is a very intelligent person, he knows so much about so many things. Wish I knew a little bit about a few things! He tells me things about the artist or muscian or event or process or artwork.

A lot of who I am comes so strongly from my parents - who they are, who they helped me to be, the way they helped me be me, yet educated me to look outside myself as well. Dad is my hero!

These breakfast images I took a few days ago - one morning when Mishi was having a very early nap, and I had quiet breakfast, thinking and photographing time. By quiet I mean, just Ari was there talking to me, wanting to share my toast, or me to make him something else.

I would really like to have more time for styling + photographing my mundane moments :: eating, cooking, folding clothes, reading. But these moments seem to just happen, without being able to stop and think too much about it. I hope by the time my children are big enough for me to do things like that, that I am still inspired in the mundane. I think I will be :: probably I'll enjoy the time and space for these activities so much, that I'll want to record them.

These particular images are very inspired by simply breakfast who sure has a varied and interesting, delicious looking diet. A lot of inspiration in Amanda's 30 days in photos. And the noticing project is beautiful everyday moments - I love the name. And, of course, six one way continues to make me smile at the snippets of life with kids.

weather the weather be fine or weather the weather be not

I just wanted to quickly show you the weather we have been having lately. Endless rain, and in some parts of our country - lots of flooding. Our city dams, which have been at scary low levels (down to almost 15% last year), are finally getting a small bit of relief. Thankfully the city council is not lifting the water restrictions - just easing them. Though, honestly, I do not know how people can use as much water as they do. (I say this, smugly, knowing that we fall into the smallest water usage in our area, even with washing cloth nappies!).

After torrential downpours yesterday, where Sam had to ride home on his bicycle, it was warm (think muggy) and sunny today. Yesterday and today we were blessed with glorious afternoon skies.

And, while I'm talking about skies - the other morning, at about 5.30am, the sky was the most magical honey colour. Pouring in our windows. Both kids were drawn to peering out the windows at our bed, as soon they woke up. Stretching out to soak up the colour and magic. The whole sky was overcast / cloudy, the sun was reflecting across it all. Within only minutes it was back to grey clouds. But lying in bed for the few moments of quiet before getting up to go to yoga, I thought and thought about the Joni Mitchell song where "the sun poured in like butterscotch, and stuck to all my senses".

swaps :: new projects

Well, I finally managed to get my swap posted to Sarah for the Valentines Swap. It seemed to take me so long to get it completed and then extra days to get to the post office than necessary - but finally it's headed off to her home.

I really enjoyed this swap, for so many reasons. This was my second swap, and I'm loving the friendship and community that has been developing for me lately, mainly through blog-land. While making my Valentines swap I was thinking of Sarah and her family - of how I have so enjoyed reading her blog over the last .... has it been a year, I'm not sure? Not just the reading of her blog - but the feeling like I was being welcomed in. And the inspiration of her projects, her days, her children, her words and photographs (and the photographs of her son, as well!).

I also really enjoyed this swap because it gave me a heap of ideas and motivation to make sure I send some Valentines to my loved ones - friends and family. I have projects started that I will be attempting to finish over the next few nights (though I have busy days ahead).

I also just jumped into some of my projects, and didn't over-think them. I feel that I may make this my year of just doing, and experimenting, and trying things. To not worry about the mistakes or the end result so much as the fun of the making. While I do want to try (when I have a few spare moments) to start some form of business from my sewing / craft, I want it to be something I enjoy doing for me - not for the end salable product. I think that so many things happen from just doing, and learning how to use basic plans, but being flexible about it.

For now, I'll only show snippets of what I sent - I do want it to be a surprise! But hopefully next week I will have more finished projects to show you.

Next weekend I am going to a fabric manipulation workshop. I am so looking forward to this - to learning heaps of new techniques, to hopefully learning how to put a zip in (once and for all!!), and having a whole day of sewing sewing sewing with fabric scraps. And, also, to spending the whole day with my sister (who is also doing the workshop). We both have young children, and while we visit each other often, we rarely have long moments of time for just being, or chatting, or creating together and for ourselves.

On other topics :: Today we went to look at a kindy for the possibilty of Ari (and me) moving into that next phase. We went along with Momo and Oliver - both the boys are very close in age, and I feel that Momo and I have similar wants for our child care aspirations. It was a lovely centre, with a great outside and inside play space - lots of nurturing wooden blocks, an amazing amount of books, cubby houses, chooks and guinea pigs, an excellent craft corner....... Our boys loved it - playing and looking and touching :: while we were within their sight. We had to stand and watch them, or sit beside them.

For quite a while I have been asking Ari if he wants to go to kindy (he was in daycare before Mishi was born, while I worked part-time, but he's not anymore). He keeps telling me that he wants to be with me and Mishi. And that he'll go to kindy and then school "when I'm bigger". If I ask him how much bigger, he points to some random height above his head. Today was no different, with the added comment (to his uncle) that we had just been looking at Oliver's kindy. I feel that that really said it all - his feeling about going at this point. While I know that there would be so much for him there, I am not going to push him into anything he doesn't feel happy about. At daycare, in the past, the carers have told me that he stops the separation crying after a few minutes - sure, I belive that - but I also know that he did cry when we left him, and maybe he only stopped because he knew there was nothing he could do about it.

So much guilt, so many steps and milestones and things to know and learn along this parenting road. Through it all, I can trust only my own base instinct and the words, feelings, (imploring) eyes of my children. They know their role of being Child so much better / stronger than I know mine of being Mother.

my year of exhaustion

Having two children is so exhilarating :: exhausting, entertaining :: exhausting, enlivening :: exhausting, everlasting :: exhausting, educational :: exhausting, explorative :: exhausting, emotional :: exhausting. I have laughed more, cried more (with happiness), giggled more, told more stories, sung more songs, read more stories, made more meals, washed more clothes, cleaned up more (or cleaned up less - depending on what day you visit our house!). I have heard the best singing, the best concerts, watched the best dancing and twirling and hopping and yoga poses, seen the best paintings and drawings, tasted the best cooking, kissed the sweetest lips, hugged the softest bodies, heard the best secrets, had the best conversations*. Had the most intense ups and downs. And, the least sleep.

Mishi will be one in a week.

not a lot of time for these loves over this past year or so!

This has been my year of exhaustion. But, it has also been my year of learning and opening and growing and letting go and enjoying so much more - enjoying myself more, as well as those around me. Some days I drag myself around, but I know that all Mums and Dads just learn to live through the tiredness, and get used to it, to opperate on untapped reserves, each time thinking we have reached the bottom of these reserves yet finding more. I know that the having of the children themselves fill up these reserves, overflow every emotion, so exhaustion no longer feels so tired, it feels uplifting and generous and true true depth of love.

Regardless of all the wonderful topping-ups I receive from my babies, I am hoping that this has been my hardest year, my most exhausting year. I am saying goodbye to exhaustion. I am hoping that it does get :: will get easier and easier. (If any of you have contrary evidence, please don't pop my bubble just yet - though some advice on how to continue surviving on minimal sleep would be welcomed).

I would like to say a big thank you to all the beautiful comments I received for my last post. Your words were uplifting and heart-felt. The past few weeks for me have been a bit emotional and intense in a lot of ways - and I think I was feeling a bit lost and lonely. I do know that I have true friends :: lots of people I have known for so long and feel so close to, as well as lots of people who are new friends, who I am getting to know more. And, yes - that includes you Beautiful Blog Women. So, thank you for being my world-wide friends - to learn, share, laugh, help, love.

After I wrote that entry, about being 'friendless', I had a wonderful conversation with Ari. Make believe play that we both had children (me two boys, him two girls) and that we were visiting each other's houses, and picking our kids up from school, and making afternoon tea for each. Sometimes, so silly, I forget that I have the best of friends right here with me every day. And this week, I have visited two friends (play for the kids, talk for me), and I have another two such visits planned for the week. Hmmmm - I think in my life I get to a point of crying out about something, and then somehow it completes or materialises something.**

And - I smile with happiness when I announce that I have just been awarded with my first blog award. Thank you, Amy. I thought that I had finished all the 'E' (to go with exhausting), but I have been given the Excellence Award. I'm not sure how to put the little logo thing here, so look here to see it. To pass this on :: I know so many excellent blogs. Excellent for their writing, their photographs, their crafts, their dreams and aspirations, their openness and honesty, their recipes, stories...... Let me stick with these few. Momo (kurashi), Sarah (still life in yarn), Sarah (cloth.paper.string), Beth (write, mama. write).

*Some wonderful conversations with some wonderful mums. As well as some astounding words and conversations and stories with Ari and Ash, and soon enough Mishi.

**The days before I met Sam (my partner of almost ten years), I had been crying to my Mum of how I never seem to meet anyone, or be able to form any sort of relationship. She told me the words of wisdom she was good at telling :: that I would meet someone when it was right, to stop 'looking' and it would happen. And, of course she was right. I met Sam, who had lived next door to me for more than six months! And we both fell for each other straight away, and I have loved him since.

my heart wanders :: wonders

The other afternoon we all went for a little walk together. The kids had had a late afternoon nap, and we needed to tire them out. Mainly we wanted to have an explore and wander as a family. It seems often we don't get the time, or make the time, to just do simple things all together. Last week we spontanously went out to Mt Cootha Botanical Gardens, and had such a lovely time just hanging out together.

While pushing the pram with a three year old who declared he didn't want to walk, I managed to capture a few photos. I noticed quite a few heart shapes in nature - I think I was really looking out for them, inspired by Pia's My Heart Wanders project.

We also went along a few streets that, while only around the block from our house (where I have lived for ten or so years!), that I have never explored before. It made me realise that while I keep pining for a new home and location, there is still so much to offer me here.

On other thought tangents :: I have been feeling quiet (deep within myself) this week. This is the year I turn 30 (23rd of May, for those of you slightly interested), and I have been thinking of the things I had anticipated having "achieved" before this milestone approached. Mainly, I actually really don't have exact goals for times, that sort of thing. I guess now that I get to this stage, things are roaming into my mind.

I guess a big thing for me is my lack of real true and deep friendships. I have always been so close to my family - being not just connected through being related, but also through actually enjoying each other's company. Yet, there are many times when I wish I had friends who wanted to be my friend as much as me. I have spent lots of times throughout my life having hopes about how a friendship will turn out. I know that I'm not the most social, getting out there person, I enjoy being in smaller groups. But, I still make efforts to get to know people and see them regularly. It seems that it takes so much effort to actually make friends :: sometimes I wonder if the effort on my side shows that the friendship isn't really reciprecated. Maybe I should remember the lessons I should have learnt during high-school!

Sometimes my heart just aches that I don't have a close circle of dear friends who want to be with me, who appreciate me for who I am, what I do, how I am.