of death and sunshine




Last night I dreamt I died. I dreamt of my dying, my death. It was a dramatic and amazing type of death - I was blown off a verandah (at our old old house) by the biggest gust of wind. This gust of wind didn't blow away my loved ones who were standing beside me. It only blew me. And I fell far onto the ground. 
I could hear them all around me. The anxious sounds of a family experiencing something dramatic and unexpected and shocking and difficult. Those noises. But I lay there. Quietly. At peace and calm. Within myself. 
There were no white lights or angels or anything like that. Just the peace and quiet of my ever-decreasing, finally no-more breath. That's all. It was as simple and easy as that. 
My loved one, my man, my soulmate, was beside me. He felt the calm and ease as well. He wasn't in the sound/noise/storm that everyone else was in. Somewhere I heard my dad as well. 
And an ambulance. That came too. But couldn't help me. 
I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared. I let that part of me go. And slipped into whatever was next. The dream didn't tell me what was next. I guess that's up to me.......

And then today. When I woke up. Was a new day. A new life. Today I made sunshine. 
Today also my boy (that eight year old wonder) had emotions he didn't know how to deal with; and we tried hard to help him, but didn't quite know either. We took him swimming to the creek which helped for a bit. I tried to work out what he was telling me; but I'm still not sure. I did work out what my dream was telling me. And even though I couldn't breath all day, I was at ease for letting that death happen and moving on. 

And when you can make sunshine, what does it matter what else happens. Death or tantrums! ha. I can make sunshine!

{this glorious sunshine silk was made in my kitchen, using powdered tumeric. Such a satisfying natural dye to move back into after months of having done none at all. And the sunshine outside shone vibrantly onto the sunshine I made. All things glimmered. And all was ok}.