parenting as I was parented

I want to thank my father for the wonderful words he always offers me; the advice and care, and thoughtfulness of my situation. He reminds me that I don't need to be doing 'projects' with the kids all the time, that the general everyday living is life in itself. I think back to my childhood, and we didn't have planned craft activities; we adventured and explored and watched and learnt and were involved in the life around us. My parents didn't read how-to parenting books, or activity books; they just did what they did and we were there doing it too. I suppose they also watched what we, as children, naturally wanted to do, to learn or explore and supported that :: the building of roads in the mud for our Matchbox cars, or houses and clothes for our Barbie dolls, or making fairy houses in the garden, or going for walks in the forest and telling stories, and finding treasures, or looking through endless books that fueled all of our imaginations. Too many books, and stories and memories to even begin naming; collected over many lifetimes that both my parents seemed to live. And also, very importantly, my parents left us alone and didn't constantly prompt us in what we should be doing or thinking or feeling or wanting. They let us go off up the hill, down the creek, across the ridge, around the corner; and out into the world on our own.

originally written 10th July

berry-ness

Mulberries :: enjoyed and quickly photographed before they were all gone.

Little treasures of deliciousness, from our backyard. Only a tiny tree, but we are getting about 10 or so berries each day. Sharing and enjoying them just as they are - full of warmth from the sun. Despite her funny facial expressions, she really does love them. Her stained mouth says it all.

Memories of my childhood, of days spent in the branches of ancient trees with school mates. Filling our bellies, and returning to the classroom with red lips, tongues and stained clothes.

waiting

for these beautiful new season nectarines to ripen.

Bought yesterday at the organic farmer's markets, where we do our weekly shopping. I couldn't help myself when I saw the baskets of red.

The aroma of them, sitting in our kitchen, is almost too much. Sweet and delicate.

Waiting for breakfast tomorrow.....

Also enjoying Ari coming and showing us his random assortment of letters he has written. Asking what does this say.

almost four

Ari will be four in just over a month.

At the moment he is such an intensely sweet boy. He brings me flowers, and little leaves; when we were at a park party this weekend past he went off with all the big boys to look at the jumping-off-bridge, and he came back (the smallest one, wrapped in my sister's jumper) with a cluster of leaves he had picked up for me. They looked like a flower. He handed them to me with a matter-of-factness, yet a simple lovingness as well. And then went on with doing his playing of running around with his cousins and friends.

The other night, while I was lying with Mishi on her bed giving her milk, he lent his head over his bed railing and said "I can't stop thinking about you". Every night he needs me to hop into bed with him, after I've fed Mishi. And he says that I can't forget, I have to make sure that I do lie with him too. Even though he's fast fast asleep I lie down beside his warm and tossing body and listen to his steady child breathing.

He gives me the most delicious kisses. Sometimes little kisses all along my arm. Such sweet tenderness. I truly know that he loves me. Mishi doesn't like to give kisses very often, but Ari always does. And hugs too.

We have fantastic conversations together. In fact, he rarely stops talking. Even in his sleep. He notices everything, observing more than I expect a four-year old to; I know he gets that from me (in fact, I think he's taken that from me, as I seem to have lost it!).

He always knows whats going on, listening and asking. Constantly asking. Wanting to know about so many things. I tell him I don't know, that we'll find out.

Just now, when he went out with Sam to go skateboarding, he came and gave me a kiss goodbye. He lent against me, eyes closed, lips on mine. 'Bye, see you, see you soon.' Such maturity, and depth in his look and his voice.

I can't fathom who he will be, even in year, let alone as a young man, or a father, an adult. I know he will be opinionated, wise, loving, gentle, funny -on so funny that boy of mine.

He seems to have a definite artistic leaning, which is to be expected considering our whole extended family has talents in many creative fields.

Some times he talks little stories, the whole time he's playing or just doing something random he'll be talking out what he's doing as if it's a story bout someone else. Things like (but not these exact words, as I can never remember the exact words) :: 'then the boy went and he talked on the telephone. And he was drawing a picture of a robot. And the boy was wearing a blue shirt.....'. We often have shows to watch, performances in the loungeroom. He and Mishi rehearse; Ari sets up stage lights using things like pieces of lego or some colourful coasters or rocks. We have to sit and watch and listen and clap. Of course we enjoy it.

He is melodramatic too. On the weekend, he fell and hurt his foot. Blood, and scrapes, and exposed flesh. I wasn't allowed to put any teatree oil on it. He lay on the couch for almost an hour, moaning extravagantly. He wouldn't get dressed for the party we were going to, lay there in his pyjamas. Flopped across the couch cushions, calling me to help him. And for days he talked about his blood, that he couldn't walk properly because of his sore. Oh, I remember doing things like that.

He talks about when he's older. How he and Ashy will live together, and will I live with them too. about when he can drive a car. And that I told him I would take him to the snow one day. Yet the other day he asked me why big schools don't have toys (toys are what he calls play grounds, swings and things).

Lately he's been planning his birthday party. Pretending to phone people, on his own no longer working mobile phone (kids nowadays have many playthings don't they?). Telling me what sort of cake he wants. And what games we will play. He knows the street name of the park we have decided to have his party in; and tells people 'the party will be at W*** St'.

He'll come home happy about having been skating, telling me the things he did. And then he'll be tired; dinner time, and bed time. Upset that he can't come out with me and Mishi when I go for craft night. Yet understanding and accepting, and having a lovely time at home with just Sam.

And then falling asleep as soon as he lays his head on the pillow (like I used to). And sleeping, and dreaming...........

this is finally off my to-do list

Have had this little project sitting in my head, and then half completed sitting about waiting to be finished. Finally late last week I just DID IT!

I am so so so happy with the results, that I've wanted to use the bag every day. And show it off to the lovely ladies in the lift going to the supermarket, or down at the swimming pool.

Ari drew the picture straight onto the easy-cut stencil paper. It was similar to a drawing he'd done a few days earlier, and I gave him strict instructions to make it a good drawing. (You know when they have the 'good paper' to make a card for a relative and they just scribble, when only moments before they'd produced a 'masterpiece' on a scrap).

So, I hand cut the stencil. Which I love doing. Really fun - maybe I should do more papercuts and work with that more.

Then that stencil sat around while Ari and I waited for some time together without Mishi. So that he could help me with the screen printing.

Ultimately I think he got a bit bored with the whole process of setting up - taping up the screen, mixing the ink, setting up all the fabric and marking it all out. But finally we got to the fun part of pulling the squeegee across that silk stretched taut over the frame. And that perfect sound it makes.

And even though the prints aren't perfect I love them. Actually, it's because they aren't perfect that I love them. I love that my son, my not yet four year old drew (we call it designed), and then hand screen printed his own bag. And I sewed it up for him. We also made one for a friend's birthday, which we gave with a sweet little book about a platypus.

I used the hemp / organic cotton that we use in our Red Seed Studio cushions. The natural as the main bag body, printed with blue ink, and then teamed with blue handles and a blue collar (well, the inside top bit of the lining - as the bag isn't fully lined due to the fantastic weight of the fabric on it's own).

More bags will be coming soon. I do think we have enough bags in our house, but I love them. So, more gifting needed. Also, if anyone is interested in a custom design bag or purse or cushion, I'm really interested in moving in that direction.

bedside table

Now, to a lot of you, a bedside table may not be such an important or noteworthy thing. Not even the actual table itself, but the fact of having a table. Of having the space for a bedside table.

For about the past almost four years we have shared our bed(room) with one and then two little children. When my son was born of course he slept in our room. First in a little bassinet, then in a cot that was pushed up against our bed. But mainly, really, he slept in our bed. Actually, he spent quite a lot of time sleeping on my chest. Which, really I loved and miss so much.

We managed to move him out of our room, and into his own room before my daughter was born. Mostly he did stay in his room, with times of coming into our bed half way through the night. Yet when Mishi was born Ari wanted to come back into our room. He didn't want to be on his own, with the rest of his family in one big bed together. And I understand. I didn't want him in his own room. I wanted my whole family in with me.

So, that's how it's been for the past 19months. Four in the bed. Ari in his own little kid bed, but pushed up against our bed, so easily rolling and tossing into our bed. And Mishi in our bed too, generally right beside me, generally drinking lots of milk from me a lot of the night.

But there comes a time when you say enough is truly enough. And you need to kick the kids out of your room! Does anyone know where I'm coming from? I so want them to be able to jump into bed with us, but not until at least 7am (or okay, 6am I'll put up with...).

I have lovely memories of sleeping in the bed with my mum and dad, or of climbing into their bed in the morning. Those lovely talks and tickles that a family has before they have to get up and go out into the world. The way, as a kid, you can lie and listen to your mum and dad talking, and be part of that adult world for a few moments. As things talked about in the family bed are precious and true and love and warm. Memories. I hope there are lots of kids out there that have the opportunity to have such warm memories as I have of those moments of my childhood. I hope my own children do.

Yet - I know for my own sanity that I need to have the space for a proper sleep, without kids tossing and turning or kicking or suckling or waking me endlessly. I need to have a decent night's sleep to continue to be a better mother during the day. Finally, I have no guilt at putting them in their own beds, in their own room.

And boy have I liked having our room to ourselves again. Of having the space for a bedside table, With flowers - jasmine flowers have filled our room with the most intoxicating aromas of spring. Of having a lamp, and possibly night time reading - though the reading hasn't quite happened with all the sleepless nights preparing for Red Seed Studio!

And now, with only one bed and a "proper" bedroom set up, I have been making the bed each morning. It feels lovely to see a fresh, neat bed, and not a tumble of sheets and mixed up doonas.

Of course, Mishi still spends many hours in our bed, but slowly I can feel that will ease. They both go fairly happily (mostly) into their own beds. In their own lovely little room, a room for siblings to play and read and make believe and sleep and tell secrets!

summery market day

Well, after a busy and tiring two+ weeks preparing; the Southbank Young Designer's Market has come and gone.

We had quite a lovely day (albeit tiring, standing all day in the hot afternoon sun).

Only a few photos of our stall. First of all we forgot to take photos, then when we remembered the sun was too shiny on all our things. Oh well. More markets to come. This coming weekend, in fact. Our stall wasn't set up quite as we would have liked, due to market restrictions and the wind - so next time we'll take more photos, as I know it'll look more like we imagine - more the way it should.

I am so pleased and proud of what we produced. The work that Sam particularly put in these past weeks to get all our work done is amazing. And the results are simply stunning.

I for one, really like everything we had for sale. And, you know what - it's all us. Looking at what we made (and believe me, we made everything ourselves*), I see us in it all. You know when you see something and think 'hey, that's cool, or beautiful or funky or.. whatever word you may use - wish I could do something like that'. Well, that's what I think when I look at our own things. The tag we made to sew onto the cushions (and when I get to making our own screen printed bags and purses and things) is so cool - I love it. I'll take a photo tomorrow to show you.

Canvas artwork :: Sam's original hand drawn images, scanned, then printed, coated and stretched. Also matted prints of same images - right size to fit into a normal photo frame.

Hand screen printed hemp / organic cotton cushions :: Again Sam's designs, hand cut stencils, then hand screen printed (by both of us) and sewn into cushions by me. This fabric is so soft and textural to touch. I loved cutting and sewing it; using this fabric is more than just the feel - it's the thing of trying bit by bit to use things a little more environmentally conscious in their process and growing and manufacture.

Little by little we know how we want this small business to try and evolve. We have so many ideas - and can talk and talk about them together. I hope we can watch it unfold happily and successfully over the coming weeks, and months.

I have my regular fortnightly craft night tomorrow, with some lovely friends, at my beautiful sister's house (her house is beautiful, and so is she!). So, I'm off to bed to dream up what craft I can take and work on - this seems to be the only dedicated "me crafting" time of late.

Memories for Ari :: these last few days you have been saying "I don't have any time for me" or "I want some me time". You say it with such meaning, as if playing with Mishi is simply too much and you want to play on your own - and that no one ever lets you play on your own (or read a book, or listen to your own music once in a while or....).

*I do have to admit that some things we had a little bit of family help with, to get it all ready in time. Sam's parents for so helpful. His dad stayed up late helping with the printing, and his mum looked after the kids for both weekend days (long days too). And Sylve helped with kid caring (even though she was sick, and is was her only day off work), and she made a few fabric covered buttons too.

Introducing

Here is the reason I've been absent lately ::

It's going to be a rush to the finishing line - as usual. But I'm quite (well, sort of) confident that we'll get it all done, and be happy with it. And we keep talking positively about how well we'll do there (and that we'll actually make some decent money after all our hard work).

I'm still working on the blog for our new business. Finding time in between sewing and choosing fabrics, and finding wholesalers, and watching plays in our lounge room, and learning screen printing, and making cubby houses. And rearranging our whole house. And .....

So, if you don't see me around here much over the next little while, you might find me over here. Or at least, hopefully here. Possibly I'll be visiting you, when I steal a few moments for my guilty pleasure of blog surfing.

Mostly I suppose I'll be sewing or printing or planning or budgeting or just looking at the lovely fabrics (hemp and organic cotton), or having fun buying wholesale(!). Or at least playing with the little ones.

PS - In other exciting news, today I am officially a real driver. My P's (provisional) license is up, and I'm on my proper open license. When I drove today, in the pouring rain, without those green P plates on my car I felt a little loss of security. Though Sam assured me that the P really didn't make much difference to to drivers around me.

trials & prototypes

Hmmm. Been busy. And tired. And... usual stuff.

This week just past I had a lovely day at home, on my own, for sewing. Finishing up some long long long overdue projects, that have been sitting on my sewing table for ages and in my head for longer.

I also sewed up a prototype of a bag that we are going to be selling at our upcoming market stall (more about that a bit later). I had a bag that I liked the look of, and tried to make something similar, but also my own style. I'm quite happy with the result. As a prototype it does have a few errors, but I know what I need to fix for the proper batch of bags.

Sort of like a market tote bag, with topstitching to make a piping on the edge. It's all one piece front to back, with a gusset on each side. I want to make it out of hemp or organic cotton; and still trying to find a local (well, Australia local) supplier. And we are going to screen print Sam's designs onto them.

I have another bag idea / shape in my head, just need to find a few spare hours to turn it into a proper form. Something similar - a simple market tote, but with a different shape. You'll see it next week.

The other things that were taking up head/desk space are the things I am making for the 100th Post Giveaway. Yes, I know that most of you have probably given up on me with this one. Seeing as how it was.... months ago. I think the main issue has been that I really wanted to make something totally special and unique for each and every one of you. So many ideas formed in my head, and I wrote and drew. Yet nothing seemed quite right. It has taken me this long to finally come up with what I am happy with.

1.

2.

3. (two of these).

Also, I told myself to stop procrastinating and get it made already! I knew (hope) that you'll like whatever I send you, based on the fact that it's been made with thought and care and attention and love. I'm going to let you choose which one you each like best, colour wise. There will be a few other little goodies as well.

4.

5.

6.

So, if any of you winners are still reading my blog - please comment on which little pouch/bag you like best. And hopefully everyone will be happy. (If you really like one that someone else has picked, let me know, as I can possibly make more. I have little bits extra of most fabrics). Excuse the terrible photos, I just wanted to get them done, and kid-free time is precious.

7.

8.

9.

And finally, thank you for all your patience - not one of you asked or hassled or prompted me. That makes me feel that you do respect me, and acknowledge that I am something doing a little more than I should be. Also, I have learnt :: no giveaways unless I have something to giveaway first!!!

10. (two of these).

kids in the kitchen

On Tuesday, when my Dad was visiting, he took Ari over to Sylve's house for dinner. This meant that Mishi and I had the afternoon at home together. This is quite rare, so was really lovely. Once your child starts talking, incessantly, you forget that quiet of the 'non-talkative' child. The talking to yourself aspect of spending time with a little one. While Mishi says words, and makes lots of noises, she doesn't yet conduct a conversation.

So, it was really lovely to do some baking together. And for me to have those moments of quiet head space. Of talking to Mishi, and to myself. Of having her tiny sounds to accompany my quiet words. Being able to think about what I'm cooking, to stop and enjoy the process a little bit more. Having one child do the mixing; rather than two children bickering over who stands on which stool and who uses which spoon.

We made some little biscuits. Some with our new cutters - some great carshapes. And some with Mishi's thumb print to form the balls into shapes. I sort of made the recipe up as we went on. No dairy, no eggs, no sugar. Delicious. The kids ate them happily, while we were walking through the Mt Cootha Botanical Gardens with my Dad the very next day. (That was a fun day, no photos - just enjoying looking at things, and really taking it in, and having time wandering through trees and plants with my Dad).

Sultana + Marmalade Cookies

1 cup Self Raising flour

1/2 cup Plain flour

1/3 cup vegetable oil

few handfuls of sultanas (that was Mishi's job - don't know how many went in!)

3 or so big spoonfuls of sugar-free marmalade or jam of your choice

enough water to make a firmish mix

Mix everything together, slowly - try not to spill too much flour on the bench, try not to eat too much dough. Have fun. Don't worry if quantities are a little bit wrong. You can add some dried spice or other dried fruit if you want. Or use fresh fruit juice, or milk if you want instead of water.

Roll out flat, and cut with cookie cutters or roll into balls and push flatish (once they are on pan) with your finger - this makes a nice little shape.

Cook on a lined cookie tray at 180C (approx) for about 25 or so minutes, or until nice and golden. Leave them to cool on a wire rack before you eat them.

Then do a little dance for your Mama, to show her how much you like the cookies - and how happy you are, in general. She's been calling me "marmee.... muuuummie".

I also have some yummy pie recipes to share with you. We've had quite a baking week this past week. Cheesy pastry recipe to come in a few days, or so.

night time

Continuing on with the 'fuzzily' theme, here are a few not very focused photos. But I like them anyway. Life doesn't always have to be sharp and clear and crisp to make sense, or be correct. Does it?

Tonight is the second in a row that Mishi has gone to bed with not 'mummy milk'. This is a big breakthrough for such a milky-girl. I have been trying to slowly ease her over the past couple of weeks, with mixed results. But progressive results, at least.

Last night, on a whim, I suggested that maybe Mishi might like to have a special bottle of milk for bed. Sam went and made her a bottle, and she happily followed him into the kitchen. She carried her bottle around, almost proudly. And suckled it easily, contentedly in bed while I sang songs to the kids, and cuddled Mishi to sleep.

It did take a little while, but not so long as it could have. She fussed a bit, mainly about being comfortable how she was lying rather than wanting my milk. Eventually she slept. Waking 45 minutes later, I settled her with more cuddles.

So, night one - no milk! (She did have milk in the morning, at about 4.30am. But I'm okay with that. We're already happily lying beside each other, and it keeps her sleeping a bit longer in the morning. After all, I don't think that I'm entirely ready to be weaned from her!).

So, for bed tonight Sam made her bottle, which she took off to bed (after reading my favourite - "Emily's Balloon"). Much more fussing than last night, and hitting me in the face. And trying to pull up my shirt. "mik. mik. mik". But I cuddled her, and let her hit me. Whenever I tried to sing she hit in the mouth, informing me no singing. Yet finally she settled, mainly by herself - not letting me touch her. And little whimpers, then soft breathing. Then sleep.

So far she hasn't woken up since finally falling asleep at 7.45pm. That's almost two hours. I'm sure writing this will be a jinx - that's okay.

I think that maybe Mishi is ready for this weaning thing. Maybe she'll be okay. And I can go out at night time for a cup of tea with my friend. And not be called home for a screeching baby. Maybe I can have my body back to myself - once the milk eases and dries up (sure there will be a little while of soreness first!).

Now, am I ready for the weaning? I can't ask my mum about when we were weaned, or how. My dad doesn't remember. I always thought that I would feed my children until they simply stopped. But life isn't happening that way, and I have to learn to change my expectations of my mothering. And still be happy with that. I have to believe when I tell myself that I have given Mishi so much feeding her this long, and that it's only taking from both her and me if I continue feeding more when I'm so not wanting to.

With Ari I stopped him because I was five months pregnant with Mishi. Ari was 23 months old. He had started biting me. He was down to only 2-3 feeds a day anyway. I remember it as being quite easy. One day when he bit me I simply said no, and that was it. He asked a couple of times over the next few days, yet didn't push or whinge or cry. So. Let's hope both Mishi and I can wean that easily, happily and healthily.

My thoughts of the word weaning are not negative. Instead of taking something away from my daughter, I feel that I am opening her up to more. And myself in the process. Dr Sears says that the Hebrew word for weaning is 'gamal' which means to ripen. I really like that thought and perspective on a natural and necessary aspect of mothering and breastfeeding. What are your thoughts, ideas, experience? Please, I love having advice from other women.

fuzzily

My house is in a fuzzy sort of mess.

My life seems out of balance, and well fuzzy too.

My finances aren't at all in the happy or healthy zones.

My mind most definitely is fuzzy, and out of balance and while there are some happy moments in my head there have been some quite unhappy and not so healthy aspects. So many things going on.

Yet despite all this my little ones still have the power to stop me, and make me laugh, or read them a story, or push them on the swing - or fly on the swing with them. They give the happiness and remind me to soak up the Winter sun, to look at the flowers - "the fairies danced so that the flowers could open".

So, with head too fuzzily muddled to write what I might want - I've decided to try and just keep my posts simple, with some photos and maybe a few words. And try and post more often than once or twice a week (I've tried that a few times before, haven't I).

And one friendship in particular, that continues to strengthen. That, too, is giving me motivation and ability to enjoy the small moments of peace and listening and being listened to, and of just being. And not having to be anything particular - just myself.

Sam and I are thinking and planning and working madly on our new business venture. I'll tell you about it soon, when I feel we really have something proper to show you. oooohhhh the anticipation is killing you, hey!!

Also - I wanted to say hi to my family and friends who read this little part of me, and don't often comment. Please do comment, just to let me know you're there. :: Hi Lea, Tal + Suri - lovely to hear from you

family day out

A day out at the bayside*.

With Grandma and Granddad (Sam's mum and dad).

Playing in the sand.

And the climbing ropes.

Eating icecream.

Talking.

Looking. Exploring. Laughing.

Enjoying the sun and the coolish breeze from the water.

*Wynnum. Which is not the beach, where you can swim. But mudflats at low tide; with a made beach area. The closest that Brisbane has to the bayside, without going up or down the coast to proper beaches. (And, if you happen to ever visit - some of the best beaches in Australia).

changes

You may have noticed that there've been a few changes around this blog, here. Maybe because I still haven't moved (changed) houses - so this is my little virtual house. Maybe because it's so much easier to spend time sitting on my b.t.m (hey, Stef, remember "Under Milkwood"??). Maybe because I'm really enjoying teaching myself, and reading tutorials on how to change the html myself.

I don't even know what html stands for, what it all means. I'm good at learning and teaching myself, I really enjoy it. But it's all slow. And I don't know what a lot of things are for. I only just realised why people don't put their full email address on their blogs, but write it like this: ellieabeck (at) hotmail (dot) com. For those few of you others who didn't know, it's so that the computer spiders can't spam you.

And all that technorati stuff. Truly I don't know what it's about. Okay, I understand that it's a ranking system. And if you're more popular well then technorati tells you. If you're not so popular then you can read your exact number of people who like you. I'm quite used to being not so popular. I grew up being a bit of the odd-one-out within the school community. I hung out with the other odd-ones-out. Honestly, I keep saying that I'd prefer only a small handful of real friends, compared to a bucketful of acquaintances. Hmmmm. maybe sometimes I'd like a few more people to chat to. To feel a bit more popular. Arhhh well. Guess it's quite lucky that I have a good connection with my family - wish a few more of them would comment on my blog! (Thanks Timbo).

Anyway. The new pictures on the right sidebar link back to other places. Check them out, if you feel inclined. I'm going to add more as I get more time - oh, and maybe more things to actually add. And that label cloud. Isn't it the coolest. I found this tutorial and then found this colour chart to change the colours - that took me a while to work out. And this is the tutorial I used ages ago, to make a three column blog; which I may go back to at some stage.

There are lots of changes happening at home too. Not the house moving stuff. But new job stuff. I was fired a few weeks ago (via email!) from my part-time job. Sam will be finishing up at his job in a couple of weeks. Instead of going out and looking for new jobs, we are both jumping head first into wanting to start our own business together. This is something that we have talked about together for so many years; now we finally have no other reasons to not do it.

We are heading towards a market in just under one month, as being our main starting leap. So, lots of talk and work ahead of us. Lots of plans and ideas and work work work. But our minds keep ticking and tumbling, we are thinking similar things as each other. Some similar images and pictures we tell each other about. It's really wonderful, yet totally scary, to be at this point of change. Of new things happening for our family, for our daily lives.

So, you may see me around here lots over the next month, sharing our progress. Or not at all, due to having so much to do and think. And fit it all around the kids' schedule.

These few photos are of me, when I went out last weekend with some girlfriends. I took them in my mirror, with the flash - so not so good. Wearing one of my Maiocchi dresses (from last season), that isn't so breastfeeding friendly. (Don't you just love my expressions!!). The kids and Sam went to his parent's house. I went out for dinner with Sylve, and two long-time friends, one who lives in Germany. We had cocktails and sat with our dinner chatting for ages, and chatted more before dessert, then shared our delicious icecream. And lots of stories and laughs and wonderful times. Small time to be together, but such a special time. Thanks Sylve, Rejelle and Francious.

(peg) friends

Last weekend, Ari sat down at my desk and made some little friends. Mishi was asleep. I sat and folded washing, and finally had an empty washing basket to start the next load with.

It was really lovely sitting on the floor, with Ari beside me creating little people. I spread everything out for him, with some glue and let him make them anyway he liked. Fluffy hair, clothes wrapped and stuck any which way. Lots of character, these ones! I must admit that I helped him with some, I wanted to, as much as him needing me to. See that one with the very stylish coloured hair do - it's a whole heap of ends of threads from my sewing that I twisted into a bun sort of shape and stuck to her head.

We gave these ones to Grandma, as we already have quite a few little friends at home.

Along with these little flowers that I cut from some scrap fabric, and we glued onto coloured sticks, with red bead middles.

Some I made a long time ago, and these three came home from Momo's house a few weeks ago. Please check out her collection. They are going to market soon, and I had to buy some off her before everyone else saw them.

Our little friends are a bit messier than Momo's, but in general, I'm a bit (well, a lot actually) messier than Momo. I wear lots of colour and prints and so do my kids. Momo wears lots of simple and monotone, with minimal prints and her son normally is quite similar.

Very different styles - yet somehow we still have lots in common. And can spend a lot of special time talking and planning and creating and playing, and also just being and not having to talk - that to me, really is one of the most important aspects of friendship; being able to sit quietly together.

We had a little craft night at Sylve's house a few weeks ago, and Momo brought a basket to make more peg people. She made one for Ashey - the only kid who was there, he was wide awake - at his request. And Sylve crocheted him a little sleeping bag for the tiny person. He took it to show and share at school, where they loved it. Maybe Momo and I should organise a school crafternoon.

My two little ones are wonderful friends at the moment. They are playing games together so well. Ari seems to have reached a new level of sharing and Mishi a new level of interaction. They play shops, and take it in turns to be the shopkeeper - buying books or necklaces, setting up a little counter and a scanner and carry bags. You should see the set-up at Grandma's house, where they play shops every single visit.

Today, while I was making more sticky sultana + apple buns, and casserole for dinner, the kids set up a rocket ship in the kitchen, with all the chairs, and played make believe games happily for such a long, wonderful time. Mishi copies so much of what Ari is doing, yet she doesn't do anything she doesn't want to! It's so lovely hearing them talk together, telling stories and making up games. Running alongside, sharing, be loving and kind. Sometimes they both chatter on the old (no longer working) mobile phones; "uh huh. hmmmmm. yep yep. mmmmmm", with stern looks on their faces, flapping you away if you talk or make any noise as they are "on the phone".

I have lots more posts written in my head, they just don't seem to be making it out through my fingers and onto the computer and into blogland. Soon. Unless I forget them all......

give us this day our daily bread

Today :: making bread and sultana buns. Sitting in patches of sunlight to eat and enjoy. Sharing little pieces with siblings. Licking the sticky honey-butter topping. Piling a plate high with buns, in anticipation that we will eat all of them - before Mama says 'no, one each will be enough'.

Bread making hasn't been happening every day, lately, but when it does I vow to do it more regularly. To not buy bakery or supermarket bread. To be able to bake bread for my family is a pleasure, to feed them and nourish them. To warm them with warm fluffy bread. Fresh from the oven, slathered with butter and Vegemite. Memories of the bread that my own Mama made. Memories of her strong arms kneading out the goat's head shaped dough, talking me as she does it. Her body heaving and pushing and pulling. Banging gently against the bench, then easing back again. The rhythm of our days. The rhythm of our bodies - mirrored as I kneed for my family, in the same was my Mother did.

Sticky sultana buns were Ari's request. I'm glad I hadn't vacuumed before the flour went everywhere, but probably I wouldn't have minded doing it again; based on the amount of fun and creativity from both the kids. Simple unsalted bread dough, poke in sultanas as you wish; eat some as you go, of course. Roll and squelch and squeeze and pull and roll again. Prod and poke; form into turtles with pointy noses. Squash up into a mound again. Cut with the new cookie shapes.

Then let Mama 'help' you roll it out into a long straight, fairly flattish shape. Roll up into a spiral. Squash them altogether into the cake tin, and let them rise again in the sunny garden - of course, sit there and guard them; just in case an ant or cat or bird or tiny child want to poke into them!

Top with butter and honey, and bake for 20minutes. Counting down on the timer - learning numbers going backyards much too quickly to keep up. Trying to keep kids occupied for such a long time that it takes to bake bread.

Ziiinnng. Ready. Eating them while still steaming. 'Yummmmmy. I think I need just one more Mama. Just one more. I'll share it.'

And of course, make crazy faces for the camera. Faces so silly that we laugh and laugh, and then have to email them straight away to Daddy at work.

Ahhhh. bread. more than just simply cooked dough.

PS - if you'd like a yummy sounding recipe for Cinnamon Buns, check out Sarah's.

looking for dreams

Today we went for a drive down the coast, to the Gold Coast Hinterland. Looking at houses, land, possibilities of a new home for our family. I'm not sure we found our new home, but we had a lovely day. And some dreaming, and new questions. And, well a very lovely day with beautiful views.

Ari declared that it was a good day for going to the park - we agreed with him. The sweet little park we stopped at, in the middle of 'now where', where we had our picnic and played and played. And Mishi learnt after only a few tries how to climb the big steps so she could go down the slippery slide - backwards, on her tummy!

The park was next to a little creek. We were sure that fairies lived there; creek fairies, and sunlight fairies, and maybe grass fairies.

Peeking down driveways (the real estate didn't want to set up any viewings as we hadn't sold our house yet), and looking at "For Sale" signs, and rewriting real estate advertising - they are good at that aren't they!

We came home, all tired from the long drive. The kids watched a bit of afternoon tv, and Sam checked his car forum (on the internet). I went into the back yard with a coffee, to sit in the late afternoon (and getting quite cold) sun, and soaked up a few pleasures in my current garden. Joined by our cat.

I dreamt of *real* blueberry trees, rather than the straggly stick with a few blossoms that we have. And envisioned the vegie patch, and fruit groves, and the flower and herb gardens.

Sometimes I live on dreams. They are what get me through a day of living in a messy house, or whingy kids (or yelling mum!), or over-due bills. For a while now I have been living in this house and dreaming daily about our new home. I have moved out of this house, in my fantasy world, and now have a large sprawling acreage with space for many trees, and a hiding places for us and the fairies. In an old Queenslander house, with space for my own sewing room, and pot belly fireplace, and studio for Sam and me to *build our dream business*.

Actually, simply space to stop and be still, to hear the birds, to watch the flowers and the vegies grow, to feel the breeze and the water tumbling over our toes. To sit or run or dance or sing as our hearts desire.

A place for dreams to happen, to come true.

:: I've realised that we took no photos of the glorious views, so I'm sorry, you'll have to take my word for how magical the place is. And hopefully there'll be a next time ::

Does anyone know what this plant is? I bought it years ago, as a tiny leafy thing. It dies down each year, and has now sent up this amazing brilliant red bud. The base is like a big fat bulb, with red speckled leaves. I will take more photos as the flower opens further.

red :: apple :: spots

"Give me spots on my apples but leave me the birds and the bees. Please."

Big Yellow Taxi - Joni.

I was singing this song last night, in my head, while finishing up my sewing and watching the rain outside and trees blowing and casting shadows.

Two new dresses - completed. Both yesterday. One for Mishi, one for a little friend.

Mishi wore her little apple shirred dress when we went out visiting our friends. And we spent a lovely day in the warm of their kitchen; warm house, warm hearts. Away from the rain and wind. Simple apple cotton, with little green leaves and black stems. Shirred bodice; same as this dress (which I thought I had blogged about, but can't find).

A fairly easy dress style to make, as it doesn't have to fit perfectly. And it can be worn as a dress, a skirt or a shirt over pants when she gets bigger. Plus it looks super cute on her, with the skirt part flaring out - lots of fun dancing shapes.

The soft red baby-cord dress is a made-up pattern. I roughly traced a dress of Mishi's, but basically made it up step by step as I went along. I did a fair bit of unpicking yesterday, but I think I got that all out of my system and can now make a few more like this without the hassles.

I sewed an invisible zip - and now know how best to do that for future! I made my own spotty binding. It's not bias binding, as I really didn't have the energy at midnight (....1am) last night to measure, cut, sew all that extra. It works just as well being straight-grain binding.

I always figure that for children's clothing you have a bit of leeway in fit and things like that. Maybe for myself I might make the effort of bias binding, but in all honesty I think it worked pretty well the way I did it.

I am so super pleased with this dress. The binding makes it look "real" - as in something that professionals make. It's not too messy; yes it does look handcrafted, but that's the idea isn't it. I know next time I make this dress style it will be neater, bit better, easier, quicker (not an hour to sew four binding parts; neck, two arms, hem).

And, there will be a next time. Quite soon, I think! Yesterday when I told Mishi that the red dress wasn't for her, but for our friend (who's birthday was a few months ago), she got very upset. Mishi stood there, in her new apple dress (!), and pouted and made grumpy noises at me. Not a happy girl. I told her I would be making her one out of the purple cord, and she hugged the fabric and smiled. So, I'll be up late tonight making more dresses.

Hopefully I'll have something to show you after the weekend......

We're going to deliver the new dress today, so maybe I'll manage some photos of people in the new dresses; rather than hangers.

language :: 17 month

Yesterday, Mishi said her own name for the very first time. She was lying down, while I changed her nappy, and she pointed - with both her hands - to her chest and said "Mishi". Today, while she was sitting in the little wooden highchair at Sylvie's house, she looked at me, with a knowing smile, and a tilt of her head and said "Mishi Mishi Mishi". And she smiled at me, with pleasure and delight; and I smiled at her with pleasure and delight and pride.

Each day she says a new word, often more than one word. She is so quick at mimicking Ari, constantly repeating words that he says. Often it's 'pooh pooh', knowing the joke as she says it. She has so many words now, that I'm not sure I can even put them all down here. Some words are more prevalent in our days, while other words appear momentarily as she repeats them. Sometimes she doesn't have words, but lots of little chattering noises, I know she's talking, but can't understand what she's actually saying. Sometimes she just talks and chatters to the dolls or the teddies, and often little singing sounds to herself.

'bird'; one of her very first words.

'no'; generally very emphatically, and lots of humour, and a cheeky smile. And big shaking of her head, more times than necessary.

'bye'; very quietly, and just as often when the person has actually gone. She is saying it on the phone now; sitting there not saying a word, but listening intently and then finally saying 'bye' when we tell her it's time to go.

'chook' and 'duck' and 'sheep' and 'cat' - 'Loulou' (which is our cat's name - and she knows the difference between other cats and Loulou). She says 'Ash' quite often, and 'Ari', but very quietly, not quite saying all the sounds - more like 'Asz' and 'A-i'.

'baus' (bath); 'shwr' (shower); 'tees' (teeth).

And sounds in songs - like in a "Froggy went a Courtin'*"she knows the 'uh-hum uh-hum' bit.

Of course, 'Mama', 'Mummy', and 'Daddy'. Last week she called Granddad (Sam's dad) 'dada'.

Yesterday she said 'knock knock', when Ari was saying jokes.

So many of her sounds I can hear words in, but I think that other people wouldn't be able to recognise it as a proper word. Generally Ari and I can understand best because we are with her all day, and we talk to her and listen to her. Sam too knows her words. And Grandma Mary (Sam's mum) can make out words too because she is really there with the kids, when she's with them - know what I mean?

She really is quite an observant little girl; taking everything in and reacting to things. She finds bits of things on the table, or fluff on the floor, and will take off to put them in the bin. A few weeks ago when a friend was visiting and we were all in our kitchen, my friend said to one of the bigger kids that she would sit on a cushion. Mishi went off into the lounge room and brought a cushion back for my friend to sit on. My friend and I looked at each other with a bit of disbelief.

The same day she brought socks to Ash, that he had discarded in our front room. I had been asking him for quite a while to put them on - it's Winter here. She had heard me saying over and over to him to put them on, and noticed that he was ignoring me. She gave the socks to him and said 'szoks'.

Last night she said 'bub-bels', while we sat on the front steps and blew from the bubble blower. A two-syllable word.

And recently 'flwr' has made it's way into her vocabulary - and she stops and reaches down and picks one, and sniffs it and passes it up to me. Knowing the love I take in being given flowers collected by my babies. Little clover flowers or grass seeds or colourful seedpods.

I'm sure there are more words that I can't think about now. Each day she changes again, and reaches a little higher into girl, rather than baby.

Tonight she learnt how to jump like a frog; crouching right down on the ground and then jumping up to stand-straight legs stretching onto her tippy-toes. A few times she actually jumped off the floor.

She really is so much of herself. Her personality shines through. I can see aspects of who she may be - quite a sweet girl, yet also I know she will have her own will. A very strong will about what she wants and doesn't want. She already knows how to pout, and crying to get her way. She knows how to woo people around her, with her smile and sweet pretty face.

She dances with such abandon, happily clapping her hands or spinning round and round until she's dizzy. Or nodding her head in beat with the music, and bopping her legs about.

It's past her 17month date, and I have been slack with doing these little updates. I find it hard to remember the precious moments at the end of the day - how will I remember them in five or 25 years? She will ask me things about herself as a baby or child, those things that I yearn to know about myself (but my Mother can never answer, and my Father doesn't remember). So, Mishi darling, I hope this is enough for when you have children of your own.

Maybe you could read Amy's notes of her daughter, who is only two months older than Mish. Most of what I read about little Junie, is what I see Mishi doing, or know she will be doing in milliseconds.

*I did a search for this, but couldn't find a version like the two we have - both are quite innocent and don't include the pistol and sword part; but do a search if you don't know what song I mean. It's quite fun. We have this CD (which we love, and even I can listen to on repeat and repeat and repeat) and this one (which Ari loves so much - we know each song, and even the order they play in!).

too many words

I have about four or more half written posts, but they have all meandered off onto so many topics, that I don't know which direction my thoughts are rambling. I've decided instead of trying to reign in my thoughts, that I will just offer you some images (with a little commentary) of our past few days.

My now very tidy dressing table. The before was terrible. I packed a lot of my jewellery into a box; haven't been able to wear lots of it since having kids. Maybe at the new house I'll be able to start wearing earrings again!

Our crazy, yet so lovable Auntie Sylve visited yesterday. She likes a good pose or two!

Making faces. Mishi copies everything that Ari does, which is wonderful - and scary. Ari is wearing a singlet that I screenprinted about 10+ years ago, at TAFE; it was in my throw outs, yet looks great on him.

This is how I like my kids looking. I made the pants for Ari, matches with a plain shirt (rather than the printed logo things he often wears; they are all hand-downs). Mishi's dress is from Seed, with a really lovely Indian-style shirt underneath; a hand-down from Sylve.
The boy eats salad! He made it himself, and then happily ate the whole bowl, declaring "hmmmm, yes, quite yummy".



Trying to get a little bit of embroidery done; didn't happen - too much tree climbing and running and playing.

Embroidery thread + rusty old tin :: more of my Mum's craft boxes, that we are slowly starting to use; rather than letting it rust into oblivion.

Milk. She pats my chest and says "mek", and when she's had enough she pulls away and says "finshd" and smiles - oftentimes when she's meant to be going to sleep.
Playing dress-ups, and doing a show. Packing boxes - we are slowly packing up our house, decluttering to put it on the market. And then move into our dream house :: well, we can dream anyway.

You can see more at my flickr, which I have finally uploaded some more images to.

I made a decision today, that in order for me to keep this blog, and my flickr, updated as often as I would wish; that I will not (CAN NOT) look at other people's blog until I have done what I want on my own blog first. Rather than doing all the blog visiting that I indulge in; I think at the moment my only addiction......