rain

We're staying at my in-laws for a week, due to our kitchen being renovated. The rain is keeping us inside all day. Not even able to play in the backyard. Yesterday we got ready, left the house and got half way down the street, when it started to sprinkle. Raincoats and pram covers on. When the rain got heavier, much heavier, we realised we would have to turn back. So, a day at the library and cap-of-machinos after, we ruined. We managed to entertain ourselves, passing the time by colouring in printed pages, and having quick jumps on the trampoline during brief interludes in the wind and rain.

The weather tricked us in the afternoon, when the Sun came out for a mere five minutes, the sky had blue patches and the grey clouds were blowing away. Quickly we got ready - which is never quite as quick as anticipated with a baby and three-year old. A lovely walk down the big hill, then afternoon tea at a lovely cafe/bookshop. Walking home - up that hill - was so wonderful due to the rain that fell onto our faces. Ari was covered in the pram - where he fell asleep at 5pm and slept all night 'til 5am (he got Sam out of bed, not me). Mishi was snuggly wrapped in the sling and covered by the froggy raincoat where she also slept. Sam + I got pleasantly soaked!

This post was finally published 7th January, 2008. Hmmm, still parts of our kitchen aren't quite finished. Those final little bits that are needed for a dramatic conclusion.

having a long blink*

It just happened - that I've been "absent" for a week now. Okay - absent from this blog. I think I've somehow been absent from a lot of things over a lot of years. But, over the past week I've been a lot more present in the everyday of our life. Apart from feeling flu-ish (so therefore tired, unmotivated, lacklustre), I've been spending more time just doing and being with the little ones. I suppose more time living my life, less time writing about it, or reading about others' (apart from my daily update to reality here!).

Mishi had her official six-month day. It passed pretty uneventfully. IE - she didn't learn to crawl, sit, read French or run a marathon. As the days are drifting closer and closer to her not being a baby anymore, I keep thinking I'm not doing quite enough - not the things that I should be doing. She's not eating yet. Though, depending on who you talk to, that's not really any issue at all. All the other babies in our family were eating younger than six months, but the few times I've offered her a little taste of fruit, she's just turned her nose away. So, no rush for that. All it really means is stinkier nappies!

Mishi's first proper swing-sit. She loved it.

And, Ari moves closer and closer to three. Some days I feel like he's the baby; growing and learning that life isn't all about you, that while your parents do dote on you, they also have certain expectations of you! Other days I look at him, and can not remember the baby that he was. Every day he says something new, his speech patterns are changing, his understanding of things increasing.Just a few photos of our past week. More can be found here. (If you are not a 'friend contact' on my flickr account, and you wish to view my family life, then please request to be added as a contact).

A pair of pukeka** birds, building a nest. One (the male?) swam back and forth collecting twigs and things, the other one (the mama bird?) wove them into her nest.

*My sister used to say this when she was little. When asked if she was asleep, she'd say "no, I'm just having a long blink". Other times we'd pretend we were asleep, generally when we were driving home late at night, while driving up our big hill. Mum + Dad would carry us in to bed, and we wouldn't have to brush our teeth. Sometimes they didn't carry us in, waiting to see how long we would pretend. And the award goes to Sylve, who waited and waited and, if I recall correctly, she sat pretending sleep in the car for longer than an hour.

**In Australia these birds are called moorhens, but my Mum used to call them Pukeka as she lived in New Zealand for a while and liked that word more. She also used to call the child health nurses (who visit your house after having a baby) plunket nurses. Conversely, she used to call Kiwi fruits Chinese Gooseberries. I use all these words as well, simply because that's the way my Mum raised me.

looking at you kid

All photos taken by Ari, while on our daily outing.

I've been thinking more and more, lately, why kids have to grow up - well, more why we have to end up losing that part of being a child that teaches us to look more, and listen more, and not put our own emotions and perspective on everything. Children take everything at face value - and learn so much more by it.

Being with a young child is so wonderful, when I am really with him. He sees so much more than me when we're on our walks out and about. I think that I know everything about where we are, or I'm thinking about the next thing that will be happening. Whereas Ari is totally there.

I've started letting him take some photos of things he wants. Trying to teach him how to look at the camera and see if he likes what he sees before he takes the photo. This is teaching me not to be so selective about what I take photos of - of what I look at, and see, and notice. Things don't need to be so perfect or beautiful or sculptural to be "worthy" of being photographed.

how to :: tire out a boy

A beautiful day today. Glorious weather. Lovely morning at markets - almond croissants + fresh strawberries + coffee + sitting in the sun + conversation + watching Ari walking all around the field just because he wanted to. Waving to us from the other side.

Then quiet time for me! Mishi slept for hours :: Sam + Ari went for a walk :: I sat on the couch an read a magazine. I have not read any of my magazines for longer than 5 minutes as of late. It was wonderful. I did not wash up. I did not hang nappies on the line. I did not clean, tidy, sew, imputer. I did not feel guilty about not doing any of these. I lazed on the couch and felt happy.

With the afternoons becoming longer (Winter is gone already), we went for a walk with the soccer ball to the local school. We did this last week with Ash, and everyone had heaps of fun. Again, it was exuberating + fun to run after the ball, throw it to Ari, kick it to Sam. This is a perfect way to tire out Ari before the evening routine of dinner, teeth brushing, stories, songs, bed.

He is learning to throw, catch, kick the ball really well. Chasing it everywhere, giggling crazily, not being too upset if we don't give him the ball every time, or if he doesn't catch it every time.

Arhhhh that childhood innocence of having your parents dote on you, not knowing that in a few short years if you can't catch (like your Mother), you'll be a bit embarrassed! Hopefully, they'll both inherit their father's general sportiness.

At least I'm not the only one. When others at high school were out on a Wednesday afternoon kicking, throwing, running, these are the sports I partook of :: yoga, photography (yes, that was offered as a sport at high school!), drama "sports". I did do tennis for a few terms, to indulge my Mum's fantasy of us being good at it, as she had been.*

When the afternoon shadows stretched across the grass we took home a tired, but happy boy.

*Strange note of how things all seem to fit together, in a small world type way :: Sam was very close to becoming a pro tennis player, as his parents dreamed of. He was very good at it, and could very well have been a great pro. If he hadn't discovered skateboarding. I would possibly never have met him, had he been a pro tennis player. That's how things happen. Though, if I had become a great tennis player, and he was too - then we could have met that way.... hmmmm...

mama drawing

My favourite :: A bird on a skateboard. Can you see that little skateboard, with wheels. Wow. I love it so much.

Ari's drawings over the last few days have been becoming more and more intricate. Suddenly he is putting pupils in eyes, his figures have arms + legs, things are really looking like what he says they are. I suppose all parents say :: feel this, but Ari seems to have quite a talent - when he puts his mind to it. Sometimes he just scribbles, and is silly - which is fine, though it normally happens when I'm asking his to make a card for someone (to show off his talents!).

And lately his drawings are predominately hot-air balloons or fireworks. So, to see him drawing more specific things - and not just one or two, but page after page after page - is so special.

Well, it's just the next step in him growing up. And being our oldest means that Sam + I are going through all that parent pride for the first time. Its like, you don't take real notice and remembrance of what other kids do at certain ages, so when your first kid does it, well it seems so important and as if no other kid has ever done that before. You've all done it - don't pretend you haven't. (I used to work in a mainly kids toy :: discovery shop, I know the parent / grandparent pride that can exist - some really full on).

Anyway, today Ari was drawing me. He hasn't done that before - not actually drawn a person and said this is Mummy. If it hadn't been so amazingly cute, and clever and special I may have been hurt at the portrait - but I suppose the thing is, it was quite an accurate portrait.

Mama portrait - complete with soggy bum. (I'm not sure if that's a tail or a fart coming out!)

Telling us about it - he showed off my hair, eyes, and then - my soggy bum! Take another look at that picture - that little bump down the bottom is my bum. We all had a wonderful giggle about that bottom. Ari gets quite giggly crazy sometimes - and can't stop. And then the long hair, standing on end - well I do have long hair, normally hanging limply down my back or tied up into a bun. Then he drew another picture of me, with spots all over - and hey, I do have spots most all over my body :: freckles.

I guess he has been getting a bit more curious about things, combined with being able to articulate what he wants to know into a question. The other day he asked me why my tummy was bumpy. Because of you two kids my darling. It's called fat. And a few days later he asked me what the spots on my arms were - I tried to think of something more than the usual that freckled kids are told :: "It's the sun's kisses".

I'm not sure what this is, but very cute anyway. Pegged up on the stripey green ribbon.

I've pinned some lovely ribbon up in the hallway and we've been pegging his drawings up. Like a very easily changed art gallery. Its at kid height, which means Ari can see it - but also I can see it from the couch. I think some more thick ribbons are needed, so we can have more hanging space along the whole hallway. It's also something I've just done in my new sewing corner, that is still slowly taking shape. I'll try and show photos tomorrow.

sticky situation

I'm really glad that Sam + I have a very similar sense of humour. We can laugh easily at each other, and very easily at other people - together.

THIS JUST IN:
We have been selling some stickers on eBay lately, and just received an email from someone asking "How does the sticker attach? Does it have a sticky part on the back?" Am I mean, or is this the most ridiculous question?

It's 12.30 at night (morning) - and that gave Sam + me a delightful giggle before we head off to bed. It's always lovely to go to bed with a smile on your face. (Especially when you'll be squashed in between two little bed-hoggers).

trying new tastes

Quinoa+Vege bake with Salad in my favourite bowl w' toasted sesame seeds +almonds.

Lately we've been so bored with the usual :: same-old dinners that we make. Never exactly the same, as we don't ever use a recipe - just general ideas, etc. If it was up to Ari, we'd have pasta every night. It's not up to Ari, thankfully.... Not that I always cook the same meals each night, just the same 'feeling' meals.

Every day - at about 3.30 or 4pm, I start to go through that dreaded thing of "what am I going to make for dinner, again?" I have to start cooking, or preparing at least, at about 4.30 in the afternoon. This gives me time to have lots of interruptions - taking Mishi to bed again, cuddling Ari, playing games, talking on the phone, having two kids::babies asking, asking, asking me for something else.....

I do think of myself as quite a good cook. My Mum was an excellent cook, my Dad is. I learn at a young age how to cook lots of different things. We were all always in the kitchen together, chopping, stirring, tasting, talking. As kids we all had to help, and had different nights where we made the whole dinner. I loved this - I still do love cooking. I just don't love the having to think every night of what to cook. I used to always make stirfry when I was a kid. I loved cutting the vegetables + tofu up into perfectly formed julienne sticks.

The great thing, also, was that my whole family had very similar likes, tastes. We just took on the tastes of our parents. My Dad used to make subji all the time. We would moan "not subji again!" Now - its the thing that Sylve + I want Dad to make whenever we visit him. And we both make it in our own houses for our families - who love it. Dhal as well is another that we all love. I know that I can make it, and actually have Ari + Sam happily eat a whole meal. Add papadums, and everyone's crunchily happy.

So, rather than feeding them pasta, stirfry or dhal every night, I've been on a search (mentally) to think of new and interesting - though not too adventurous for my fussy eaters - meals to make.

And hence, I finally bought some quinoa from the healthfood shop, and finally made it. I remember having it years ago when I was visiting a friend, in France. She made this delicious green vege, creamy quinoa bake. I've emailed her for the recipe - in the meantime :: tonight I made root vege quinoa bake. And, with a few tweaks I can feel that quinoa could be added to the reportoire.

It is such a pretty looking seed (grain), when raw as well as when cooked - with the little sprouts curling around the almost translucent grains.

Quinoa + Orange Root Vege Bake

This was quite yummy, though I think it would have been good with some green leafy something in it. It was simple and wholesome, with lots of scope for changes.

• 1 cup quinoa
• 1/4 medium Pumpkin
• 1 large sweet potato
• 2 medium carrots
• tin tomatoes or 2 large fresh tomatoes
• olive oil
• teaspoon each of cummin powder, tumeric, corriander powder
• 2 -3 cloves garlic finely chopped
• smallish hunk ginger finely grated - this is easiest with a bamboo ginger grater, available from Asain stores
• yoghurt, cheese, milk to add a bit of extra liquid
• salt + pepper.

Rinse quinoa well, using a fine seive. Cover with 2 1/2 cups water. Bring to boil, then simmer for about 15 mins, until all water gone. Leave to side with lid on. Should be cooked, tastes lovely now - can use in salads or as a substitute for rice, couscous, pasta. Take toddler to toilet. Sing to baby, so you have a few more minutes before having to leave half-cooked dinner.

Meanwhile, cut veges about 1/2cm cube. Dice garlic + grate ginger. Heat pan, then add oil and allow to warm a bit. Add spices + salt, then ginger + garlic. Fry lightly. Then add pumpkin, and cook for a few minutes, then sweet potato for another few minutes. Add carrots and stir through, cooking for a few more minutes with the lid on. Add tomatoes and pepper. If you think it needs a bit of liquid at this stage, add some water (or stock). The take baby back to bed for second time. When cooked add some yoghurt - I keep old yoghurt, milk + cheese in my fridge for cooking. Taste for seasoning.

In a large baking dish, spread quinoa along bottom, cover with veges + all the juice. Top with grated cheese - whatever you like. Bake about 30 minutes at approx 220 degrees Celcius. (My oven in broken, so I'm not exactly sure the temperature it is). Until the cheese is nicely golden.

Serve with salad or lightly steamed greens, plus toasted nuts.

PS - I by no means, consider myself to be a 'food blogger' like these two current favourites.

showing off

I'm so super-duper happy, and proud of these two little bags I've just posted off today. They have taken a little bit of time to actually get finished - what with all the baby::kid interruptions! I put thought into all the steps and took things slowly. I actually ironed the fabric before I started sewing, I pressed the seams in place. This is something I never do. I'm not an iron-er at all, I'll only iron my clothes if they desperately need it.

The stitches are straight. My sewing lines are straight. I normally rarely cut straight, which doesn't bode well for sewing straight. But I did this time, I did! I don't know all the technical terms for the stitches I did, but that doesn't matter. The finished products are neat, tidy, pretty....

Sam's even impressed with me. He's sort of showed them off too, and let me talk excitedly with him about how well they turned out. He's even rambled with me, and we've mulled over the possibility that I could maybe, just maybe sell some if I continue to make them as prettily / neatly.

I hope they are received happily. Made especially for the birthday's of my nephew's mum (my brother's ex) and her daughter (my nephew's half sister - who is turning one). I included this same book in the bag for her.

So, hopefully over the next bit of time I can refine the patterns I made + polish the sewing techniques to produce something that I could offer for sale. That really would be so wonderful. As, well, it would be excellent if I could try to contribute to our income while being able to spend the days with my little ones. So, what I'd like to do is make a few more, as practice and for the fun of it. If anyone out there reading this (I think there are a few, couple, one!!?? of you) likes the idea of having one of my practice bags, please comment as I'd love to give some away - possibly like the little "lingerie" purse.

small moments

A drawing of the ferris wheel we want to ride on

It's been a busy, long, fun, laughing, tired, sick, whingy week. I'll hopefully be back feeling on top of it all in the next few days. Ari has chicken pox and seems to have turned into ::the biggest whingy kid I have ever met:: (Ok, not really - but more than I've ever seen him before). At the same time Mishi has decided that she doesn't want to lie down, sit in her rocker, her high-chair, on the grass, on the rug - she just wants to be in my arms. Plus, she doesn't seem to want to sleep for longer than half an hour at a time.

::Am I being whingy now?::

In between all this we've had some marvellous, beautiful moments. After a particularly trying day, I went out for a peaceful, entertaining, adult dinner with two great friends. School friends, who are luckily still wonderful friends now. We took Mischa with us, she was on her best behaviour - cooed, smiled, drank milk, then slept! We had dinner, conversation, laughing, understanding, listening. Then we moved on to a little cafe and had tea and live music and more gentle, relaxing conversation. I don't think I've been out for dinner on my own (without Sam or Ari) in a very long time. It really is a necessary of life.

This weekend Ash was visiting with us, so Sam took the boys round the corner with their skateboards to do a bit of rolling. Ari is learning to stand on his own, and Ash is getting over his fear and doesn't lie on his tummy so much anymore! Mish and I went up after a while to watch them, and encourage. Then we kicked the ball around :: Something I don't do very often at all! All in all a beautiful, glorious day out with the boys. We vowed to do it again more regularly. Me too. Rather than sending Sam out with the boys (to give me quiet time), I really enjoyed myself too.

And then, on Sunday - Ari, Mishi and I spent a lovely few hours sitting and drawing, talking, sewing. (I'll show sewing photos soon. Have a few final touches to put on the presents that I'm making and need to post. But very happy with the results!).

There seems to be so much, and yet nothing, happening in my life. I have lots of plans happening in my mind. And a few, just a small few, I'm pushing into happening. Taking things little-by-little.

I've set up a little sewing table in the corner of Ari's play room. It's really his bedroom, but as he hasn't slept in there for months now, and I took his bed out ages ago, I finally thought about setting up a little corner for myself. I haven't had any time::energy to turn it into the inspirational, crafty corner I want to show. But, I have been using it in my few spare::quiet moments.

I'm really so super happy with the idea of having my own little spot in the house. My own corner, where I can tell the boys not to touch, and I can have my own ideas there. Living in a little two-bedroom house with four people (okay, two are young kids/babies), and a lot of stuff (read :: junk), means that none of us have our own actual space. Yes, yes. I decorate the house, luckily Sam + I have similar personalities + ideas + creative-thought processes.

So, hopefully I'll be able to continue doing a lot more sewing. Which I really love. Generally I'm quick, lazy, wanting immediate results, and I get bored with things easily (a true Gemini). But maybe, just maybe, having this little space where I don't always have to pack up every night - it might encourage and allow and force me to be more dedicated to creating.

::There'll be more catch-up tomorrow. This flu-thing has baffled the cohesion words in my brain::

fractured light

Not too many words tonight. I'm enjoying the quiet (inside my brain - kids asleep) + the stillness of the night + the possibilities of the furniture rearranging I've been doing during baby lulls today* + what that rearranging means*. Just lots of photos.

:: Springs New Blossoms ::

:: My favourite Derwent Colour Pencils ::

:: Glorious organic purple cabbage, from the market ::

:: Ari's chalk + potato soup ::

:: Lavender flowers from our garden +

old man's beard moss Ari brought home for me ::

:: Stonefruit blossom Sylve picked for me yesterday.

I'm loving it in this simple vase ::

*Hopefully more on this, with inspired photos tomorrow...

a few sweet treats

This week we had icecream with sprinkles. Ari poured the sprinkles on - so most of them went on the bench + floor, and now we have no "prink-ls" left. What a pity! He does so love those tiny dots of coloured sugar, and always manages to get them all over himself.

:: This is Ari's little table. We let the kids paint it however they liked. Lots of fun ::

Instead of going out, we had a cafe at home. I really like doing this. Sometimes we set up the table with a little cloth and I serve the boys like a real waitress. They have money to pay, but have to eat whatever is the "special of the day". Of course, our cafes are always tasty and fun. And the waitress is super nice and often joins in on the meal. This is pop corn and chocolate +cherry milkshake, with yogurt instead of icecream. It would have been fun to make the popcorn like this, but we didn't have the ingredients, patience or time to wait for it to be ready. The milkshake was quite tasty, but I think a bit too strong for Ari. All we did was put some milk in the blender with liquid drinking chocolate (well cocoa that was wet and pasty), some yogurt, and some cherry jam. Whizzed up until all "froffy". Then I served it in my prettiest tea glasses out in the garden.

Also, check this fun YouTube out. Ari had to watch it about five times in a row. Hopefully it makes sense to you. It's very Kiwi!

bindi-eye + tie-dye

:: No, not bindii, but bindi ::

We got these quite a while ago, at the elephant installation at the APT5, and Ari just pulled them out today. He looks in the mirror and talks to himself about exactly where to put the bindis. I really like the different placements he does, choosing the colours with particular care. Sometimes - if she's nearby - he puts them on Mishi as well. Which is special for me to see, as sometimes I think he isn't very interested in her. Well, she sometimes is an inconvenience to his life. And that makes sense to me :: he was used to having me all to himself, now he has to share, and she normally gets preference (based on basic NOW needs). He wears these little fabric bindis right up until bedtime.

:: Finally, some tie-dying today ::

We cut the calico up into smallish pieces, I'm not entirely sure what I'll end up sewing with all the bits, but I just wanted more scraps for Ari to play with.

:: Some we put rubber bands around ::
:: a few we drew on with candle wax ::
:: I tied some coriander seeds up in one ::

with the idea of the Japanese art of kanoko shibori dying. I have a vague thought that there is a dying process using rice tied up, rather than the sewing, puckering, intensive work it looks goes into any piece of shibori fabric. Anyway, regardless of my very humble and quick efforts I quite like the results. The seeds made little round patterns throughout the other lines. So next time I'll try to make it stronger and use more seeds, tie it tighter. Not have a time frame dictacted by two little kids!? Thanks Sam for being there and helping as well - and enjoying!

:: My hands are red tinged, despite the gloves ::

corners of my home :: collections

We've been collecting lots of little bits and pieces while on our (almost) daily walks around the neighbourhood. And they're making lovely collections and piles around the house - of course collecting dust!

Ari is at that age where he picks flowers and bit of grass for me. So lovely. I've never forced it on him, so I'm really glad that it's just something he wants to do, of his own thinking. When he went out for the day with Sam + Ben (Sam's brother) on Monday, he came home with some lovely grass flowers for me, as well as some bits of stick covered in moss. The little boy knows what I like.

Last week, as he was saying goodbye to his Grandma, walking her down the steps - he ran over to our lavender bush and picked some flowers to give her. Sometimes he's in the backyard with his dad, just doing stuff and comes running inside with a teeny tiny piece of grass, wanting to put it into a vase.

So, now - we have quite a collection of drying grasses, flowers, leaves. It always takes me ages to throw dead :: dried flowers out. I love the shapes they turn into, the little shriveled up leaves + petals. The different colours they turn into. Of course, some dry better than others - so I keep them for longer. I'm trying to get better at getting rid of them when they're covered too much by dust + spider webs.

I do think I get this from my Mother. Possibly from Dad also. But I remember all the little bits of displays my Mum would have around her house - dried leaves, seedpods, twigs, feathers, entwined with ceramics, bonsai trees, fabric. Thinking about it, my Dad used to have a collection (in his shed) of dried out lizards he'd found around the place + mouse skeletons.

I also have little bowls and containers filled with skeletons, butterfly wings, dragonflies, feathers, bits of bugs, shriveled flower petals. They are just part of our everyday, sitting on windowsills, on bookshelves.

grown up

We've got lots of things planned at the moment. That's what I'm really loving about Ari being a 'big boy'. We can have conversations about the things we want to do, plan fun things, talk together. I love being with him and just hanging out with a big person who has so much to contribute. He's such a grown up little person, as a parent you don't notice it until suddenly its there. Your baby is not a baby, but a kid! On Monday he went out all day with Sam + Ben (Sam's brother) for a long drive down to pick up some beautiful glass plates from this very talented woman. I love that its so easy to be able to wave him goodbye to spend the day not being my baby. I hate the way its so easy to wave him goodbye - it seems like the most tortous thing in the world to wave goodbye to my baby (for a day's outing). Do all you mums agree. I love him growing more self sufficient, easier to be with, but its so sad that he can cope without me.

This was published 7th January, 2008. Each day Ari continues to amaze and inspire me. I feel so overwhelmingly lucky to experience life (the big and the little) through him.

pop pop pop

Poor little Mishi has chicken pox! She's been quite good about it - not too much complaining. Though we did have a *very* sleepless night last night. (Surprisingly I feel much better today on less sleep, than I felt yesterday on slightly more sleep). Amazingly, Mish didn't get any pox on her face - so we haven't had to worry about scratching and scarring. I am hoping that the fact she's had it mildly doesn't mean she can get it again. So far Ari still hasn't caught it - that means he's escaped it three times :: 1 - the friend who Ash caught it from. 2 - from Ash, even though they were spending lots of time together during Ash's contagious period. 3 - from Mish ::

So, after little-to-no sleep last night, I woke up at 6.15am feeling quite energised! And, therefore, we had a lovely day today just hanging around. We discovered a new cafe while out for our walk. Okay, not quite "discovered" - I knew it was there, we'd just never made it in to have a look. Was really quite lovely - the babycino was free -and it had a marshmallow (very important for Ari), yummy little biscuits for only $1, great tables, comfy chairs, friendly staff.... what more can we ask for out of a cafe within easy walking distance from home?! They had cute little cactus in pots as their table decorations - the man at the table near us must have thought me a bit weird photographing our coffee cups.

I love our little walks. Often we end up needing to go somewhere, but we take our time looking and exploring. We do live in a major city, in a suburb walking distance from the CBD - but we still have lots to explore and look at. It is totally different from where I grew up, in the country. But, it's not too bad. There are still flowers to pick, seedpods to collect, birds to listen to, bushes to hide in, parks to run in. So, each time we go out for our walks - we take our time meandering the streets.

Today we planted some seeds. Alright, not actually planted - but put in some torn up cotton wool, in a plastic container on the windowsill. I want Ari to be able to spray them everyday with his little water sprayer, and watch the seeds grow. I'm sure it will be a bit boring for a 2 1/2yr old, but little alfalfa seeds don't take too long to grow. I'm going to try and show you every day what they look like. Are you excited.....? (please pretend to be - just humour me).

So, that's just a little bit of catching up for the moment. My brain has started shutting down. I've been tired, sickish, rundown, low on energy - is this what its meant to feel like :: this having kids thing?

slowing happily

I've had such simple and full :: busy last few days, that I've been early to bed, with little-to-no "impunta"* time. Mishi's daytime naps mean that Ari + I spend time chatting and playing and cleaning together. I actually really look forward to her having long naps some days so we can have time together just being. More and more, Ari seems so grown up, having conversations and observations beyond his 2 1/2 years:: it's so wonderful, and how I hope my relationships with all (I aim :: wish for more than two) my babes continues until forever.Yet, also, I love the moments when Ari sleeps or is with his Dad. And Mish + I have time to sing to each other. We goo and coo together, giggling and smiling. I remember reading somewhere (possibly here) that studies have shown mothers and young babies talk in the same pitch :: frequency to each other.

These last few weeks of being at home and only going out for little walks around the neighbourhood, have felt so nurturing. I'm learning more every day to enjoy those moments when life just happens. To totally involve myself in the experiences of being with my little ones who I adore so much.

This may sound simple for some (most) mothers - and, yes, I always thought it would be for me. With Ari it was. I felt so in 'control' and knowing what I was feeling, doing, being. I felt like we were a wonderful partnership and I didn't need to think about what to do, how to do it. We just happened, and happened good. He was an easy baby, I was a good mum.

Still - I know that I am a "good mum". And both my babes are actually very "easy" little ones. (It is funny when people say how good a baby is, as if the alternative is "bad"). Well, I feel that this time around it took me longer to remember the things I felt so innate, intuitive with Ari. I felt tired, slow, not sure of so many things with Mishi.

I guess I'm slowly, quietly thinking about the fact that I "think" I had postnatal depression with Mischa. I know I only felt it in a minor way - yet, still I know that it affected my early months with being at home with a new baby and young child.

What I'm saying now - is that I feel quite totally over this. And now, I am enjoying the *honeymoon* period of having a glorious beautiful baby girl. I am glowing, singing, laughing, playing, dancing with my sweet, dear treasures.

On other notes - I am adding to, not crossing off items on my list. I think, possibly this isn't really such a terrible thing, as I have been spending precious enjoyment with my babes, instead of "doing stuff". Kids don't care about stuff, do they. Ari just wants me to play with him, and Mishi just wants me to look at her. They both want me to play peek-a-boo, to tickle, to hide under the doona with them, to dance around the lounge room, to play drums in the backyard, squirt water, paint, sing, laugh, look at flowers, and give + receive wonderful squeezey bear::bunny::elephant hugs.

~List~

added to list-

:: make curtains for lounge room doorways

completed from list-

::door snake completed - YAH

::Ashey's frog sewn + delivered (a lovely walk to visit Sylve+Ash)

::I have been doing more drawing with Ari lately. Liberated drawing, not thinking about the results - just enjoying the moment of running a pencil across the paper.

*"impunta" is Ari's word for computer. Mine + Sylve's is "puty". Ashey's is "comp-prunter".

PS - these photos are film, have only just been developed and are quite old. Both babes are now much bigger than this!

pink cake picnic

We met some friends at the park on Sunday for a relaxing picnic. Simple food :: great conversation :: pushing kids on swings :: laughing :: photos (film - so you'll have to wait) :: and :: crazy pink cake.

I made a fairly easy Almond, Chocolate + Peach cake and then had an inexplicable desire to cover it in pink icing. I actually think it looked really beautiful, special, fun + definately something different. It did get a few comments and looks and attention - so whats wrong with that. While we were mixing the icing, it tasted too much like sugar, so I added some orange-flower water which didn't match the cake perfectly, but did have its own unique taste. Who says you always have to match your handbag with your shoes. (Anyone who goes out with me knows that never happens anyway).

So, heres the recipe for the cake - which was really delicious. I think I'll make it again (possibly without the icing!).

Almond, Chocolate + Peach Cake w' Pink Icing

(As with all my recipes, quantities + baking times are not exact. I estimate all my baking from memory of my best results of a basic cake. It also makes it easier for small children to be involved without too much stress!).

I used tinned peaches for this cake, as its Winter here, but fresh peaches would be lovely. Or any other fruit. Also, try different nuts - walnuts, hazelnuts, pecans.

• 100g butter
• 3/4 cup sugar (I always use dark brown)
• 3 organic, free-range eggs - separated
• 1/2 cup cocoa
• 2 cups peaches, diced
• 1 cup almonds, chopped then toasted
• 1 1/2 cups S.R flour
• 2 tablespoons vanilla essence

Beat butter + sugar until rich and thick. Then add egg yolks, and beat well. Add cocoa, vanilla essence and any dry spices you'd like to include. After that's all mixed in, add peaches, almonds then flour and mix by hand until all combined. The mixture will be quite stiff at this point. Beat the egg whites until almost firm peaks formed - then combine gently with cake. Fold until gently until you can't see any white. Pour into lined cake tin and bake at 180degrees Celcuis for 40 minutes, then 220degrees Celcuis for 10 minutes. Or, until cake is just cooked, with a crack firm surface.

Pink Orange-Essence Icing or Barbie Flower Icing

• 1 organic, free range egg white
• 3/4 cup icing sugar
• few drops pink colouring
• 2 tablespoons orange-flower water (rose water would be lovely too)

Beat egg white until soft, then add icing sugar. Continue beating for about 5 minutes, adding colouring + flower water mid-way, until really think and luscious. Spread onto your cooled cake. This icing dries hard and crisp, so if you want to put anything on top (flowers, decorations, etc), do so now before the icing sets. I laid 3 freshly picked lavendar flowers across mine, to break up the pink. (Will try to have film developed late this week, so check out flickr).

learning to juggle

It's quite a skill :: an art, this juggling thing. I'm slowly, slowly getting better at it. Realising that it takes dedicated practice, as well as skill, humour, motivation + a lot of hard work makes it easier to appreciate the balls synchronising. Rising and falling gracefully. It doesn't happen like that as often as I'd like, but when it does - well, it feels good.

Of course, I'm not running away to join the circus :: we are the circus. My babes are the clowns, the lions, the trapeze rope for me to walk. Mostly they are the coloured balls for me to learn to juggle.

My sister (who has one five year old) asked me the other day how I do it with two kids. She was holding Mish on her hip, trying to put Ari's shoes on, and we were trying to get out the door. Well, sometimes I don't do it very well, but it just keeps happening, so the juggling gets a little smoother each day. Some days all the balls fall and roll under the seats :: I have to crawl around picking up all the pieces.

The days when I just be with the babes, in the moment with them, instead of having all these expectations or thoughts about what I want to get done that day. Well, the simpler days are just that - simpler. We have more fun, less hassles, less whinging :: yelling :: grumpiness. Those are the days when the balls are bright rainbows swinging arcs through the air. Those are the days I love. And, juggling is about having fun - you just do the ::hard:: practice to get to the fun part. Same, really as having my babes. I just want to be with them, and have the fun - and let the pther parts just be happening in the background. Each day, I suppose I get a little closer to this aim of learning to just be with them.

The most fun and giggles we've had in the past weeks has been doing the little things that just happen. Making the beds, we play Lanternfish in caves. Hiding under the doona and whispering, with two little ones who giggle and laugh at the silliness of it. Peek-a-boo is a new game for Mishi and still a favourite for Ari - watching them both interact in this simplest of games is such a pleasure.

Spray bottles (only about $1.49 from the supermarket) filled with water and food dye make great painting. We pegged paper onto the little line, and have spent the last few days making masterpieces and lots of water fireworks spraying into the air.

And setting up our own little band in the backyard, with plastic spoons, cardboard tubes.

This post was finally published 7th January, 2008. Of course I still can't juggle. In fact, I think each day I add more balls or flying knives, and include jumps and other tricks into the performance as well. I'm sure it's me, not the little ones who complicate it all so much!

listing...

My friend asked me the other night if I write lists of things I want to achieve (finish!). I used to when I worked as a manager in a retail store, before I had my babes. But, I don't actually do it when at home - what am I going to write ::wash up :: wash nappies :: put clothes away :: hug, play, tickle babes :: try to appease babes......
Well, no. Then, I'd generally not get anything crossed off!
But lists about thing I want to make, do, achieve. Is that too much tempting the depression of unfinished :: never started :: wish I was more dedicated? Or, could it perhaps be the start of finishing, learning how to do more (worthwhile) things with my time, starting all these little ideas that keep plaguing me :: rattle around in my tired, fuzzy mind.
So - here goes. I'm going to put a few out there and hopefully not be judged too harshly when I don't achieve them (all). And perhaps even nudged encouragingly along to finish. These are in no particular order (only the order that aforementioned brain thing spurts out).

:: Make some placemats + coasters. Inspirations here, here, here, + more others.

:: Finish Ashey's doona cover. Yes - I actually only have to hand stitch about five press studs along the bottom. I'm going to finish it tomorrow. (Are you reading this Sylve?)

::Make some more jarmie pants for Ari + for Mishi + possibly even for me.

::Sew curtains for our lounge room. We only have some little tied up bits of flowy fabric in our bedroom, and no curtains anywhere else in the house. (To my defence, I grew up in the bush with no neighbours and beautiful outside that we didn't need to cover up).

::Fix up the back room. A play::craft::hang-out room for us during the day would be lovely.

::Get wedding album together. It's coming up three year anniversary this August. (But a total of nine+ years being together).

::Get framed photos + Ari's artworks onto walls. (Sam... are you taking note?)

::Put all other photos into albums - general family, my overseas trip from years ago.

::Do more drawing, painting, journaling.

::Make an apron for myself. I've had an image in my head for a while now and would love to wear it while cooking.

::Also, make aprons for the kids for - cooking + painting smocks.

::Finish the door snake. It only needs to be stitched closed - currently being pegged in place (which Sam says he quite likes!).

So - I'm going to let you know how I go. Normally, I actually do better when "showing off" for someone. Don't take notice of my self sufficiency and being my own best friend!

Anyone else out there have some extra ideas of things::stuff I could add to my list. Or, lists of your own. I would love that little nudge when you see me dropping::drooping.

self sufficiency + B frog

1:: I have dreams of changing the way we live. Of being more slow, gentle on our Earth, feeding ourselves by our own hard work and/or supporting our local farmers. Firstly, I suppose we would need to get a bigger vegetable patch - or we will starve! These lovely looking eggplant::aubergine were picked yesterday. I watched them grow and grow and ripen. And they are very beautiful - but only about 5centimetres long! And yes, only two in the whole garden. Lucky Ari doesn't like eggplant, Sam and I get one each!

My ultimate fantasy::daydream is to build our own house (ok, my Dad would be building it - but I want to design it with him), with a large garden + paddocks. To have vege patches that we can rotate and grow produce diodynamically, an orchard with citrus, apples, pears, stone fruit, herb gardens, companion planting. Some chooks, a few cows so we can have our own milk, cheese, butter, yoghurt, icecream - alright, I don't yet know how to milk a cow, but I can learn. Backing onto a forest, large fields, with a creek. Is this fantasy too much to expect? Should I give up now, and be thankful for my two eggplants and five lettuce plants?

2:: To be content with who I am right now. As in, sufficiently happy with my self. I go constantly through so many stages of contentment with myself and who I feel I am, have become, will become. Yet - still, I yearn for more than I'm giving myself currently in my day-to-day existence. I want to learn to be happy or at least content with what I am, not what I dream I am.

Also, to raise my children to be self-sufficient. I feel that this doesn't mean to the exclusion of any external help, but with the respect and thoughtfulness of what you are taking on, bringing in, giving out. That your daily living is living with thoughtfulness. That the things you do daily, momentarily, you do so with consciousness and commitment. I want for my children to be strong in their will, being, sense of self. Dedicated to being their own best friend, loving themselves. Yet, also, to being humble and giving and acknowledging you cannot actually be ::self sufficient:: on your total ownself. A community::clan can be self sufficient, yet (I believe) an individual will have a very hard time fulfilling all of their own needs for more than very basic survival.

I was talking today with some beautiful, warm hearted friends about wanting to move away from the city. To give my children something of what my parents gave me. To live with this dedication to making ourselves, our planet, our relationships fuller, stronger, brighter, healthier. We all said how we so dream::wish of living on a patch of hidden-away land, with trees, forest, vege patches, animals, sustainable living.... And (after only talking with Sam about similar ideals yesterday) we decided we will (want to try to) buy some land together and live and build a community, and raise our children together in a loving, caring, teaching, learning friendship.

Idealistic, yes... But, well, that's where most wonderful ideas start. Simply talking. And then we all spend the next few months thinking and planning. And, hopefully (why not, why couldn't it happen?), within a year we can start to put our wishes into action to fulfillment of self.

This is B Frog. Ari named it. I'm not actually sure if it's 'B' or 'Bee'. But I like the name none-the-less. A lot of the babies (dolls, teddies, etc) in our house have fairly standard names. I really prefer not naming them, but Ari is only now old enough to think of names himself - and we couldn't have no names for some babies. Bunny is a prime example - it is a bunny rug :: a blanket with a bunny's head sewn in the middle. He was given to Ari when he was a baby, so we just called it Bunny. One of the best names was for the little baby doll we gave Ari for Christmas. Ash named her Macaroni (he loves silly words), which we shorted to Roni :: quite a good name after-all.

I quite like B Frog. I made it a few days ago. Ari chose the colours :: pink back and butterfly tummy. When he first saw it, he asked why it has ears. Now he calls it pretend Bunny (arhhh, perhaps that's what the B is for). I am going to try and make a few more. Ash asked where his was today - so suppose I have to sew some more!