bunny's day

Yesterday was Bunny's birthday. Actually, Ari wanted it to be his own birthday - but I convinced him to let it be Bunny's. There have been quite a few birthdays lately*, and for a not-yet three year old it has been difficult having to wait, wait, wait :: his third b'day isn't until late October.

So - we made special little cherry, chocolate + coconut mini-cupcakes with cherry icing :: made party crowns with mirrored centres :: and finished the night off with sparklers in the back yard. I think Bunny missed out on the fun of sparklers :: he was in bed, or neglected in a corner somewhere.

::Why is it that Bunny is soooo loved, yet left in random places, forgotten, until bedtime and then we have to turn the house upside down looking for him - often wedged between couch cushions, once left at Grandma+Grandpa's house, once left at the kids care room of my yoga centre for an overnight visit ::

I hope Bunny had a lovely fourth birthday :: that's how old Ari declared him to be. He was a quiet little thing all day, happily showing off his crown and new cape that I made for him (Bunny was quiet, not Ari - that would be something to see::hear!).

~ Recipe for Cherry::Chocolate::Coconut Mini-Cupcakes ~

(The following recipe is approximate, as I never follow as exact recipe. I have basic measurements in my head, and go from there, adding different things depending on what we have to use. I know that cake making should be a science, but we don't have too many disasters, so I'm not too bothered to measure::remember exact quantities.)

100grams softened butter ::
1/3 cup brown sugar (I prefer using brown as its what my Mum used to use, so what I know best. Also, I trick myself that its 'better' for us than castor sugar) ::
2 free range, organic eggs ::
1 cup flour (if using plain then 1/3teaspoon bicarb soda) ::
1 cup coconut (today we had shredded, but more often I use desiccated) ::
1/3 cup cocoa powder (I really like the organic dark one, but haven't been able to find it for a while) ::
1 1/2 cups cherries + juice (we had half bottle of morello cherries in fridge, but fresh would be lovely. Use extra cherries as you like. If no juice, then fresh orange juice would be good instead of milk) ::
2 tablespoons vanilla essence ::

~~~

Beat butter + sugar until thick and creamy in mixer. Add eggs one at a time, mixing well between. Add van essence + cocoa powder and keep mixing. Then add coconut. Mix cherries, then flour in gently by hand. Bake in mini-cupcake pans for 20mins or so at 180degrees Celsius or until they look cooked. Makes about 20 mini-cupcakes.

We iced ours with icing sugar mixed with the cherry juice - so it was a lovely pink colour.

Okay, so I'm not really very accurate at writing recipes. But this really is the way I cook - by the feel, look, taste (Ari does lots of that!), smell. Maybe I am lucky to have a little bit of innate cookery domestic goddess in me! Let me tell you, also, that Ari is learning so remarkably well this art of cooking. He's also quite good at washing dishes, clothes washing, folding clothes (he rolls them into funny balls), vacuuming, making beds, sweeping....

I also managed to finally post the present for Rollie - who turned one on Wednesday. I'm quite proud of the pants I sewed him :: black cord, with funky black+white pockets. I haven't made pockets before, and did it all on my own with no instructions**! Also, a little frog from a pattern from the Purl Bee, that I modified. It didn't turn out quite as lovely as theirs, but I'll keep working on the pattern and changing it to better suit me. In the mean-time, I think not too bad an effort. Also included was this great little book that I::we love. We have our own copy as well as another by the same author.

*Birthdays :: Sam + I share a day in May (though I am four years younger) :: Grandma Tessy has one early June :: Ash, then Sylve late June :: Grandpa + Rollie both this week. As well as a few more in the recent months.

**If anyone can tell me a simple::easy way to put pockets into pants, I would love your help. The ones I made were simply sewn into the side seams - but I would love to learn how to make proper pockets.
***Also, if someone could please tell me how to put the picture in the link of my books, CDs, etc. I like the look of that, but can't seem to work out how to do it....

out of our mouths #2

"I'm a behaviour"



"Lets warm the icecream up on the stove" ::he then proceeded to warm it up in the sun for a little while.


Ari - aged 2 1/2 or so.

anatomy of a day

We've been in a bit of self-imposed isolation::hibernation for the last three days. After being away for three::four days at my Grandmas, I needed to just be at home quietly for a bit with the babes. Well, not quietly as such, but slowly :: softly :: calmly :: or trying anyway. We've had a bit of whinging and yelling and then lots and lots of cuddles. Ari saying don't yell at me :: me saying don't whinge at me - I know, I know ~ I'm the adult I should know better. Well, sometimes I really want him to know better. But its also been lovely to just be slow, and not have too many expectations of our day :: time.

We made grapefruit + lemon icecream, inspired mainly by Stefani's scrumptious looking mint icecream. Our freezer seems (that's me being optimistic!) broken - so it didn't actually freeze properly. Not creamy and smooth :: but utterly delicious none the less. And, actually, I like icecream in Winter. Ari + I sat on his little wooden chairs on the back landing bit and soaked up the sun eating our icecream slushie.

I've been sewing, trying to finish little things for my nephew who turned one today. Well, I didn't get it finished + posted in time - but I know that's okay. It will (hopefully) be loved when it arrives, that the lateness is forgotten. I love having the birthday being extended into a week or more. One day a year is simply not enough is it?!

I've just this week started a little extra bed-time story routine with Ari, which he seems to like. Normally Sam (or I) reads stories on the couch (as Mishi is asleep in the room we all share), then Ari + I hop into bed and I sing songs, stroke his head, whisper, tell stories and ultimately just sit quietly :: depending on how tired he is, how long it takes for him to drift off to sleep. This week I've started talking more about my Mum. Just little snippets of things I remember at that time :: nothing has continuity and it doesn't matter what I talk about. I think that I'm going to keep doing it for a long time. I really enjoy it, and I guess Ari does too - as he kept asking me to continue the story about Michele. (He doesn't very often call her Grandma Michele, as he never knew her on this Earthly plain).

My family doesn't talk about my Mum very much. I wonder how long it will be until we feel the rawness of her death ease off, and feel that we can talk happily about her - without bringing up sadness for each other. I miss not talking to her, because she always had an answer - or knew how to help me come to an answer myself. My Mum was the bestest Mother, my dear friend, my "spiritual teacher", my.... We were - still are - so lucky to have had her in our lives. She guided me to be the woman and mother I am.

So, talking about her with Ari - in a darkened room where I can have the thoughts and memories of her to share with my babes - has a clarity and contentment that I feel deeply.

Today we ventured out down the street, to meet Sylve + Ash at a coffee shop. Ash is all spotty from his chicken pox. I so miss them both when we don't see them for a few days. I love that we live such a short walking distance away, that our boys are so close in age and they love each other like brothers, that we Mums both love both boys as our own sons, and very importantly :: that Sylve + I love each other eternally, unconditionally :: like bestest friends, sisters..... We know each other so well, but also, we are so similar in so many wonderful ways.

The only photos I've taken this week were on my Ricoh (film) camera. I don't suppose I'll be seeing them for a while - as we don't very often get out to the photo shop. I've been trying to take photos of the trees out the front door, in the golden Winter afternoon light - but the digital camera gets so fussy about having low-light. Yet, that is really one of the lighting conditions I love shooting in. So, I suppose I'll have to use my beloved camera more often. The firm click of taking a photo is so satisfying and final.

So, now that its super late at night and I feel exhausted and sick - I should probably go to bed. Yet, the exhaustion I feel isn't going to be freshened or replenished by a nights sleep. Its the exhaustion of a Mother with two little children and very little spare time. Or simply - the exhaustion of a Mother :: Full stop::

out of our mouths #1

I've started collecting::remembering little snippets of things we say that when I think about them, they sound bizarre (or sweet). When we ask Ari where he got a particular saying or heard something from that he's just repeated to us - he says it came from his mouth. Kids are so literal about everything, I love that. Adults start to need naming and explaining things, whereas kids just take things as they see::hear them.
"Lets pick snot" ::Ari, with his finger jammed up his nose, said very casually to Ash the other day in the car::
"A brick is not a toy" ::Sylve said to Ash, who was pushing a brick around the sandpit where little kids where playing::
"How could you have lost your pyjama top, when you were wearing it?" ::Anouk to Sidi, while I was talking on the phone to her one night::
"No, not a cute shirt. A cool shirt" ::Ari's response to me asking Sam to dress him in a cute shirt to go out for dinner. He puts his sunglasses on upside down and thinks he's a cool dude::

That's all I can remember for now, but I'll try to file those little moments of conversations we have, somewhere in my brain where I can find them again! I would love to hear your moments of silliness, cuteness or simply "can't believe I just said that".

a few firsts

We've just been away for a few days at my Grandmas house down the coast. It was lovely + hectic. We also spent a great fun day with my sister, Anouk + her two little ones. So there was :: Dad, Anouk, Sylve + Ash, Sidi, Ari, Rollie, Mishi + me ::

Here's a few photos from that day -

::beautiful lunch in the new dining room::

(this is actually how the kids spent most of their lunch - standing and looking or playing, rather than sitting and eating and communicating as we would have loved).

::birthday cake for Rollie::

::talking + playing + smiles::

::having her first "ride" on Granddad's Norton::

::wonderful party bags::

Anouk made 15 for Rollie's party, but he had an ear infection, so no party! We luckily got to take our bags home - filled with homemade playdough + bubbles + balloons + chocolates for the adults.

::reading::

::and slept::

We saw three glorious sunrises from my Grandmas lounge room floor :: no energy for photos at 4.30am after "sleeping" sandwiched between my two babes::

Now we are on chickenpox watch for the two babes. Ash came up with spots Saturday mid-day, and we are hoping that Ari + Mish don't follow. Hopefully Mishi will have immunisation from my breastmilk - but Ari has nothing. (None of my children are or will be immunised by a doctor''s needle).

We came home to an almost perfectly tidy house - which we practically demolished as soon as we walked in the door! I'm going to continue blaming the kids for ALL the mess.

colour week

I've just found that Kayte is doing a ::color week:: and thought that it would be lovely to join in. Ok, it is already Wednesday, and I'm going to be busy for the rest of the week - so :: I've done all the colours in one day.

It's looking a lot like Summer around here :: But, here in Australia, its actually Winter ::

Monday :: RED :: maple leaves

Tuesday :: GREEN :: agave plant

Wednesday :: YELLOW :: wattle

Thursday :: ORANGE :: grevillea

Friday :: BLUE :: winter solstice-day sky

leaf walks

We've been collecting little bits of craft stuff for Ari. ::coloured cardboard :: bubble wrap :: boxes :: egg cartons :: fabric scraps :: and the other day we walked down the street to gather up some of these beautiful leaves. Ari didn't want any photos of himself, so just lots of the glorious colours and shapes of the maple tree. We don't see lots and lots of these in Australia, especially not the city, but have one large tree down our street. When the leaves turn every year from their green through to goldens, reds, browns it reminds me of the trees my (childhood) piano teacher had all along her driveway. I hardly notice the tree throughout Summer, as all the greens just meld and blend together. (Also, the tree is at a corner, where you concentrate on looking down the road :: towards our home).

We had a wonderful time gluing the leaves + fabrics + paper scraps. And the seedpods - round little puffs, spiky funny looking things - are currently congregating on a little blue patterned tray I bought on sale years and years ago.

I've been away for a few days at my Grandmas house, and coming home this afternoon I noticed that almost all the leaves have fallen off the tree. Now its silver trunk is shining bare and beautifully naked. Its a glorious thing - seeing the empty branches of a sculptural tree.

It really was lovely coming home this afternoon :: being away for three nights with a baby and young one + my sister and her son + my Grandmas small house = ::a long holiday:: We slept on the lounge room floor, and I'll tell you - the sunrise every morning over the ocean was quite spectacular (but sorry, I wasn't quite up to taking photos - after having to change nappies + baby clothes + kids clothes at 4.30am).

While away we had a fun + loving + family day with my other sister, Anouk + her two babes + also my Dad. So, there was :: me, Ari, Mishi, Sylve, Ash, Anouk, Sidi, Rollie + Dad :: pity my brother couldn't have been there too - but he doesn't have the luxury of being a primary carer for his son - instead he works five days a week. We had lunch and birthday cake, and stories and photos and talking and walking around in the "country" (well, Mish + I slept - they walked).

I know for sure that one of the greatest things about having my babes is that my sisters have their babes similar ages and we spend a lot more time together. We have all (+ do currently) worked part-time jobs over the last few years since having children - but we seem to spend a lot of time together enjoying our sisterly relationship + being with all the children.

I know that the Dads miss out on so much not being able to be part of their baby's lives so much. And while it is often/sometimes really difficult being at home with kids, I would never change it - and I never (well, okay some times) feel envious that Sam has to go to work, while I stay at home with Ari + Mishi.

I thank my sisters for this experience of being able to learn and know them more, better, different. Its special watching them be mums and being included in their relationships with their babes. And having their feedback for my own mothering. We are all quite similar in our mothering styles - and that is due so much to our own mother. For me to say she was the best mother is a bit cliche + also an understatement. I know that all my siblings feel this way + my Dad also - that my Mum was one of the more amazing, beautiful, wise, insightful, caring, unique, inspirational woman we will ever know. Its very hard for me to put into writing how I feel about her - also, how I remember her! After more than four years that immediateness of who she was isn't so clear and easy to define.

handmade love

Just wanted to share with you the beautiful soap my sister, Sylve made for me. She gave it to me a little while ago - all wrapped up, she said it needed setting time. I've only just opened it to discover this wonderful package of rose petals + pink-clay earthy hand formed soap. Smells heavenly + feels so lovely. Thanks Sylve!

Also this new dress that I simply had to buy for Mischa. Okay, it won't fit her for about 5 or more months, but it was on sale, and I'm going to enjoy looking at it until that time. It's handmade by Tibetan artisans - "lovingly crafted and ethically produced in the foothills of the Indian Himalayas". Check out their beautiful website. So many special pieces.

And these sweet little mittens that a friend crocheted for Mischa while we were having breakfast the other day. I'm so impressed and very envious of people who can do that sort of thing in a matter of minutes only - they took her maybe 15minutes or so to complete. She hand-dyed the organic wool as well. So talented.

My own homemade loves ::my babes:: have been tiring + joyful at different times today! But always my loves.

just a little bit

I've been thinking more and more consciously, and the silent thoughts are pushing closer to the fore. I was raised by *hippie* parents, and I feel that I really am not carrying on with the ideals, thoughtfulness, consciousness with which I was entrusted. Perhaps its that my children are becoming older and therefore easily slipping into something I may not wish them to be. Perhaps its the fact that being a new-age greenie is so talked about, so many people are starting to change their lives and learn to live a different way. I'm not sure, perhaps as I get older I am feeling slower and more connected to something else. Or - not feeling so connected, and wanting again to have the closeness and care of nature, earth, Gaia. I have always thought of myself as a *greenie* or environmentalist, but looking at my current lifestyle - I know that I cannot fall back on how my parents are (were) for who I am now.

I'm wanting to try and live more simply, softly. Following a local, 100klm, organic, in season diet (which I know will be hard in some ways, and alreay in other ways I am following). Limiting the rubbish and excess that comes into our lives. We already don't get plastic bags at the supermarket, we use those *great advertising + very trendy* green bags all the supermarkets sell as well as these great bags purchased recently. But - if I look at my shopping in these "environmental" bags, I see bread bags, cheese packets, biscuit packets, pasta packets, yoghurt tubs, tins, bottles....... Many of these items I can make myself :: pasta :: bread :: yoghurt :: biscuits :: cakes :: And many we should (can we really...?) learn to live without. And, some, well - I know there will be some we simply won't want to sacrifice :: coffee :: milk :: chocolate :: cheese ::

All our fruit + veges come from the local organic farmers markets - which we have been going to for about five or so years. I really love talking to the farmers / growers, knowing that everything has been picked only a short while ago and not been in cold storage for months or travelled on big ships from other countries. And its wonderful having things come into season and specialness of short growing seasons. Also, there seems to be so many more options of varieties :: pontiacs :: king edward :: kipfler :: dutch creams :: sebago :: desiree :: nicola :: purple congo ::

Photographs taken 21Nov, 2007. Produce from our garden.

golden glow

There's a tree on the property adjacent to my Dad's land that has a magical glow at certain times of the year. I remember walking home from school (oh, a long time ago...) on Winter afternoons and the afternoon sun showering the tree with golden light. Looking out my window yesterday, this (different) tree caught my eye in a similar way. The Winter light is so beautiful and warming (when out of the wind!). The setting sun seems to spot-light trees in a glorious shimmer, almost like fire. And then, with the wind whipping the trees about - well, it glitters and sparks. Of course, Winter sun sets quickly to a darkening cold sky. Tonight is a blue moon - very clear and crisp night.

We celebrated Sylve's birthday yesterday by going out for a really special breakfast with some friends. The cafe we went to was a favourite :: the food was delicious, service lovely, conversation interesting, company delightful. And Sylve liked the tools that Dad + I gave her as a present. I had planned on making a little roll-up pouch for the screwdrivers to sit into, but didn't get it done in time. I'm sure I could do it quite easily, and she'd love it regardless of being late or not.... We'll see.

When we were out at dinner tonight the waitress brought a baby bottle of milk to me for Mischa. It was meant for a different table with a baby, but she just got confused. I felt almost offended, or.. something. I felt like jumping up and saying - quite loudly + proudly - this baby is breast feed, no bottles here. Of course, I didn't! But I was quite shocked at the thought of me being handed a warmed up bottle to feed my baby, when I had my own perfect milk *on tap*. I guess the breastfeeding topic is quite bright in my consciousness.

Well, that's it - by the time you're reading this June will be over for another year! Craziness really. And, we all do it and feel it every month, year. The speed at which the days whittle away towards the next cycle. I suppose the thing of always doing, doing, doing hurries us along. But, really, even the days when I do not so much, it still ends up at the afternoon sun colours before I feel it should.

These are a few close-ups of the Grevillea in our front yard. Wonderfully it continues to grow and flower, despite us actually doing anything to help it along. That's the reason natives are so worthwhile in any garden.

Oh - I just realised that you probably now think I go out for meals all the time. I don't. Dinner tonight was because Ari is having a sleep-over with Sylve + Ash, we were going to go to the movies ::something we do so infrequently:: but there wasn't really anything on we could compromise on, or worth seeing!

why...

Today Ari asked me that eternal question - "Why is the sky blue?" I couldn't answer him, don't know how to explain. I know there is an answer, but I don't really understand it myself, well not well enough to correctly explain to a 2.5yr old... does anyone else? It's these little things about him that constantly remind me he really is not a baby anymore. Okay, yes at close to three, he's not officially a baby - but he's my baby. All you Mums + Dads know what I mean by that. He'll be my baby at 15, 21, 45 - if I'm lucky enough to still be around then. But also, today - the *need you Mum* was more than most days, just his way of letting me know he's not yet ready to not be a baby. He is a big brother though, he keeps reminding me. They want to be so grown up, yet still so little in so many ways (so do I, now I think of it). Ari was so upset a few days ago when Ash said he was bigger - I just said I was bigger than Ash, so there!
And on the topic of growing - do babies have a growth spurt at 4.5 months? Today Mish slept for no more than 20minutes at a time, and drank lots and needed lots of cuddles and me time. I forget when Ari went through different baby stages. Yet, I feel like I should know it all as I'm not a first time Mum. Make sense?

Since moving the bed from Ari's room, and turning it into a playroom, I really want to make it a *real* playroom. I've been starting to collect + buy (get Sam to) crafting supplies, as Ari is just getting to the age where he wants to do cutting, pasting, making things + he can do it a bit more himself. I want to set his room up a bit more organised, before we need to bring his bed back in. Face it - he can't sleep in our bed forever! These are a few places that are inspiring me on my plans for his room. 1:: 2 :: 3 :: 4 ::
I suppose I really need a whole house organise (purge), as I'm feeling totally overwhelmed by the constantness of seeing *stuff* (::mess), and picking it up only to have it replaced with something else. Or, worse - not having the energy to pick it up!

Today we made Hickory Dickory Docks. Using round plastic container lids, thumb-tacks, paper hands. I made one thinking he wouldn't be able to do it on his own - and he got mad, upset, saying that I'd made that for myself not for him. So, we have two clocks now. Don't you just love his numbers, he counted them out right up to 12, with a few double ups just for good measure. And that one really long hand.

He watches PlaySchool and they have the time-telling there. So, TV really does teach kids something. Actually, I watch the show to learn how to make stuff. And , of course I love singing along with all the songs. We used to watch it when we were kids - Sylve up until high-school (sorry Sylve!!). Our favourite was always George when we were young, now I really like Justine.
We were a bit house bound again today. The rain has stopped and it was gloriously sunny, but also really windy and cold. For some strange reason Ari wanted a frozen yoghurt icecream this afternoon, an even stranger reason is me letting him.... We sat on the front steps in the sun, with the wind blustering us, eating frozen yoghurts!
So, needing lots of projects + activities, as well as organisation (don't forget the energy) to keep Ari going through this Winter. He seems to have finally stopped his day-time naps, though I still keep persisting. Yesterday he fell asleep at 5.30pm, curled up beside me while I put Mish to sleep. Sam + I had a lovely evening with no kids! Which was topped of nicely by Sam's brother and his girlfriend bringing round chocolate cake with cream + berries for dessert. We ate it too quickly to take photos.

rainy day hugs

It's been a rainy do-nothing day here. Feeling bit run-down after lots of *stuff* or happenings lately. Had to hang wet clothes on the wet line, in the rain. I broke our washing machine, with a full load in it! So had to wring out half washed, sopping clothes. Hopefully Sam can fix it, otherwise I'll be washing nappies by hand - in the bath.

Went to a really intense yoga class this morning. Which would have been okay if we hadn't been a bit slack with yoga lately! I feel like I'm letting my body down so much by not having a regular yoga practice. Not just my body, but my mind and soul. And also my teacher. He's such a wonderful teacher - my teacher, as in spiritual teacher (or something). I feel so lucky to actually have had two teachers (so far) in this life. One - my mother, who I want to just ramble on about sometimes, and other times not even mention or think about her. Well, mainly don't want to think about the emptiness she has left in my / our lives.... And two - Jamie. Who is soft and strong, pushes during class, knowing where we should be at, what we can achieve.

When Sylve does her yoga, she looks so much like Mum. Has the same feel, energy, dedication (at times) that Mum had. Sylve is stronger (looking) than I remember Mum. But, I didn't know my Mum when she was in her twenties.


Here's a few lovely photos I took of the babes today, having a great smiley hug. Mischy was playing peek-a-boo today with her blanket. She's growing up too quickly. I feel like I was watching it all so much more with Ari, because I didn't know what I was doing in the same way that I know now. Yet, sometimes (often) it feels much harder now that it did with Ari.

Sorry for this jumbled post... I'm off to bed, and having written this - feel I should (well, that I want to) post it.

what I don't like about digital

For so many years I've used film, and love it. I love my Ricoh camera, and the anticipation of getting photos back from developing. I love the looking and analysing and thinking I should have done this or that, or... sometimes - that this photo is near to perfect, or at least a great shot! (The photo above is on film, one of my all-time favourite photographs that I've ever taken. My prayer flags caught up in a tree outside). But the reality of children means that film is expensive and its much harder to get the great shot in only a few - or even one - take. Plus, I don't get out to my photo developer often enough - so would never see the photos printed.

Thus - to join the 'gang' - I have a digital camera. We bought it last November, after lots of research and thinking. While I would have loved a Digital SLR, the budget didn't stretch that far, but I think what we got was a pretty good compromise. Since then, I haven't used my manual camera very much, but I also have a stack of photos of most situations. Good + bad!

So, its pretty excellent having the camera - the convenience of being able to afford to take random + numerous photos, as well as letting other people use the camera.

I guess the real downside is... well, I think actually there are quite a few -
::I miss the feel of my camera, the sound of taking a photo - the looking through the viewfinder and focusing and checking the light-meter. My camera is very similar to my Dad's one, which I so love using. Mine if lighter and a bit more modern. (Dad's camera is probably more than 30yrs old). But my Dad's Pentax is what I learnt to take photos on.
::Digital is very fussy in low-light situations. And I really love shooting in minimal light, on film. Getting that soft graininess. Digital just doesn't focus properly at all in some low-light conditions. So, I know that I'm missing out on some great shots because of it. I hate using the flash in most circumstances. It makes people look washed out, or too shiny, makes things not look real.
::Digital is making me lazy. I'm not really taking the same photos that I used to with my Ricoh, as I know that the results aren't the same. And also (as we don't have a printer set up at home), I know that I'm not going to see the results. Which brings me to -
::Never having the photo in my hand. Good or bad, having the photo in your hand from the developer is a great feeling. You can share, show, send (via the POST - rather than email... really, wow..). We just seem to have all the photos on disc, where most of my family never get to be reminded of the time together.

BUT - I'm learning my camera more and more, and like using it. Maybe I should read the manual in more detail, then I'd know a bit more about it! I take take movies and experiment and let the kids take photos. And, of course - all kids now just want to look at the photo straight as soon as you've taken it. These are a few photos I've just taken tonight, which I really like - using the sepia setting on the camera. It seems to work better in low light, and hides a lot more flaws.

That first photo of Sam is just wonderful. He was trying to stop me taking the picture - I can see his smile in his eyes.

Its been a pretty busy weekend. We're all exhausted. After a fun day of shopping in the city, we went to Winter Solstice Festival at Northey St on Saturday. Then, today we spent standing in lines for face-painting + food + rides at the World Refugee Day Community Festival. Both the festivals were free events and quite fun, just tiring and long...

Of course, the day of shopping wasn't free - never is, that's why we don't do it very often. A few little splurges for the babes + essentials for me (I've been wearing the same two maternity bras from when breastfeeding Ari). Seed was having a sale, and their stuff is so pretty.(They have a pretty boring website. I was expecting beautifully styled photos of all products). Like things I would love to be able to make, oh, if only I could actually sew properly. We settled on one little jumper for Mischa. Ari got socks, a froggy raincoat + a lovely set of Babushka dolls from Maiocchi. (I'll take photos of the shop next time I'm there. Their second store is just so lovely, pretty, well-thought out). Ari loves the little nesting dolls, with the teeny-tiny baby inside. I'm sure he's probably already lost pieces...

(Sorry, having issues with layout - formatting again! Maybe this is not the best place to have my blog if its going the be so irritating for the layout to work... urghhh. Any tips, anyone?) Also, sorry such a long post - I do tend to ramble.

working + living

We are very lucky that all our babes are quite similar in age - ranging from age seven to (almost) 5 months. So, all the cousins will be able to grow up together. And us siblings cherish the moments we have with each other, as well as watching the moments they have together.

I suppose loosing your mother makes you really appreciate family and loved ones that little bit more. And knowing that those times together are so precious - work doesn't matter when you can have a laugh and play with people who you love!

I've been thinking about going back to work for one day a week. It's retail - fashion - and very lovely and fun, a good chance to 'dress up' and all that, but then I don't want to miss out on any moments with my babes. And, I don't think that Mish (or myself, to tell the truth) are ready for expressing breastmilk and learning how to drink from a bottle (for her) and have someone else feed my babe (for me). I guess I feel very jealous at the thought of someone else giving my little one that nourishment - even if it is Sam. That is a bond I have with Mish alone. But, then, I am also so ready to have my own moments of space and time. I feel its happened so much quicker (this needing quiet, alone time) this time around (my second baby), than with Ari. This NEED to have thinking time. Of course, there is such a constantness with two babies - children, that I never anticpated. I know I am so very lucky to have two 'easy' babies, but they are still little ones with needs, and I'm a bigger one with some needs that I can't put off all the time.

Yet - this is the eternal mothering dilema. Or, actually not really eternal. As not so long ago - and currently still in so many cultures - babies and children and daily life are all so much more integrative. Rather than 'work' and 'home' life. Why don't I live in a clan, or at least some form of close-knit community?

This post was eventually published 7th January, 2008. I did not/have not gone out into the workforce. I continue to enjoy the aspects of being an at home mum to my little ones. Though I feel that this is the year for me to make an at home business/work.

solstice fires

Yesterday was Winter Solstice, with the fire lighting....

As well as Ash's 5th birthday....with the candle lighting.

Sylv had a lovely party to celebrate. Lots of talking and laughing and eating - generally enjoying family time. My eldest sister, Anouk came up to visit, with her two little ones, and stayed with us for a few days. The time always goes too quickly, yet is so important to be able to enjoy together. We love watching the interaction and infectious laughter of our babes. More photos.

I've finally started a bit more sewing. I have so many ideas in my head, but never the time. As I don't have a dedicated spot to sew I have to set up on our dining table, which means spurts of inspiration and lots of tidying. And a two-year old who doesn't really understand the concept of a sewing needle.

I made a door snake tonight out of some beautiful linen-like fabric I brought back from Thailand many life times ago. After all this windy wind we've been having, we need something for our front door. But, its a very hungry snake and the 1kg of soybeans I bought wasn't enough to fill it up. So, currently I have a half-full tube waiting for finishing details. I think Ari wants me to sew eyes on it, or something like that. He thought it was a strange thing to be making - a snake... but being a child, accepts things easily.

I also sewed some 'jarmie pants for him. I've had the flannelet fabric (yellow with orange stars) for ages, but hadn't got around to making a pant pattern. Thank you Anouk for letting me use your pattern. Ari wanted to wear the pants to bed tonight, without any elastic or hems - so I suppose likes them.

Hopefully the sewing moments continue, as I want to try my hand at making some patterns similar to this or this (when I showed Ari the website before bed, he wanted me to make them straight away!!). I'll let you know how I go -drawing my own pattern shape and choosing the fabrics. I said to Ari that we'd make one for Ash as well, but he wanted to keep them all for himself! I have so many other thoughts clattering about in my head, I hope this blog can start to be inspiring in it own crafty way (like the many that I read almost daily!).

Anyway, its goodnight now. We're heading into the city tomorrow. Finally a new (maternity) bra for me, and we'll go to the library and get a card for Ari (and pay off our fees!!), and hopefully find some lovely stories.

favourite sounds (+ sights)

Sibling cuddles + smiles.....

Big brother kisses. Its always lovely when Ari wants to give Mischa a cuddle, holding her on his lap. He's so loving to her sometimes....

I've been thinking about the sounds / noises that are special to me, or make me happy or thoughtful or content or....
::The slurping, guzzling, piggy noise Mischa makes when breastfeeding.

::Ari singing his beautiful songs - current favourites of his are "Baa Baa Black Sheep" and "Song a Sing of Sixpence" (he often gets his words back-to-front). Also, I really love it when he walks around reciting stories we've been reading or the talking CD's we listen to. It really surprises me, as I didn't realise he was taking that much notice of the CD - doing so much other stuff at the same time. Today he was walking around saying "Lock up your gold" and "Gordon's got a Snookie", from this wonderful CD that we listen to so much. We also do a lot of talking about "Whoosh went the wind. The balloon. Emily's Balloon". I'll talk more about this sublimely beautiful book another time, definitely a favourite of ours. Another of my all time favourites (from childhood), which I seem to have passed onto Ari is Wilfred Gordon MacDonald Partridge. Julie Vivas' illustrations have to be amongst the best ever!

::The little giggle Mish makes when we kiss kiss kiss her cheeks. She's so receptive and interactive at the moment. Poking out her tongue and smiling and really interacting with people.

::The sound of our gate, when Sam's home from work. Usually we run to the door to greet him.

::The rain I can hear spattering onto our roof. I have nappies on the line, but that doesn't matter at all when its raining!

::This CD has been on repeat - both in the CD player and in my head. (Though of course I can't think in music, but I remember the feeling this gives me). Please listen to this music, it is so hauntingly fulfilling. I love the name of this, as well as the cover art.

::The silence of both babes being asleep at the same time, during the day. When I don't have any really pressing chores to do. (None of my chores are ever really pressing - which is why we live in a mess most of the time!). But, when I have that silence, I need to not be washing up or vacuuming or cleaning. I need to be having my quiet time too.

This fruit + licorice + dried mango flower was afternoon tea - with a cup of warm milk (cardamom chai for me). This proved to be a very successful way to get Ari to eat fruit, asking for me to make him another flower. He didn't want me to photograph it - trying to eat it straight away, snuggled up on the couch.

(The formatting is really frustrating me. Sorry that its not all lined up, but I've given up trying to made it look proper.... Yes, I'm a bit of a perfectionist is wanting the spacing to be all correct + the same.. But its simply not happening).

lions + lemon drinks (or parties + protests)

Ashy's party outfit was excellent. Sylv did a wonderful job - I think he was the best dressed at the party by far. Ari wouldn't wear his outfit - which made Sam quite mad + upset as he had stayed up late cutting, gluing and painting. Hopefully someone (little) wants to be a turtle some other time. I wanted to wear the turtle shell, but it was simply too small for me! The party in the park was a lovely day, filled with kids running and playing and adults talking and lots and lots of food. I didn't take as many photos as I wanted to, as Mish was having a "need cuddles" day - and I can't focus on her and the camera (other side of the lens) at the same time! Then we (the family) went back to Sylv's house for tea + fruit platter, and building of the Lego presents.

This is Lion Ash amongst the legs of my brother, my sister + me in the bottom right hand corner, feeding Mish. I really like this photo, such an unusual perspective. Thanks Jamie for taking party photos for me, and looking at things from the childrens' viewpoint.

The Save Shoalwater Bay march was good to be part of, but unfortunately not a really excellent rally protest march. We didn't march through the city, or actually very far at all - so didn't make a lot of impact. But - we were there, dressed in our '50s finest, and marching for such an important reason. Things like this happen in our backyards all the time. We need to put a stop to governments thinking they have the right to acting like this.

I think I'm starting to get a little bit sick. I can feel the sore throat tickling and clogging. Sam made me a lovely lemon, ginger + honey drink - made with luscious and juicy lemons my dad brought up from home. Home for me is always the place I grew up in, not the place I currently live in. I do wonder when I will start to think of this home as home in the same way. I guess I'm lucky enough to have two homes. Really the best way to not get sick is sleeping when my babes sleep, which means - good night.

friday favourites

I've just decided to post a 'few of my favourite things' to end the week. I may not have time or energy over the weekend for computering. Saturday we will be going to an Anti-War March, and Sunday is Ashy's birthday party. Its a dress-up party, and I still have to make Ari's costume. Ari is going dressed as a turtle, and Ash as a lion - he wants to be the king! Will have photos to show next week.

In the meantime, here's a few of my special photos or subjects:

My photo board, above my desk. Has a small selection of very magical images of very special people. And, yes, it is just boring cork board - I would love to have the artist abilities to turn it into something like this, or even a staple gun to cover it in fabric! In the meantime, the daily love I receive from looking at these glowing family photos is more than enough...

He was being a bit cheeky this day, not wanting to be part of the group photos. So, instead I took these and ended up with some classic shots. Ash is wonderful to photograph. Firstly, he is such a great-looking kid, secondly he loves posing and playing it up for the camera, so is very easy to get good images of. That full-faced grin is his usual 'smile photo face'. It doesn't hurt that his mum has an excellent sense of style - for herself and him.

I think that soon Mish is going to start the funny little bumping of learning to crawl. I keep thinking that I remember nothing of Ari's babyness, but then Mish seems to remind me by doing it all over again.

My sister just passed this amazing top along to me. It used to be my mums, but I don't have any recollection of her wearing it. Yellow really was her colour, nor is it mine - so I probably won't ever wear this top. But I will enjoy looking at it everyday. Its silk, with little mother-of-pearl buttons. Check out the flickr photo for notes.

Just a simple photo of the random things on my dining table, one day. The little crane coin purse is a favourite find from ebay. The peacock card I brought home from my overseas adventure (years ago). I'm still slowly reading the InsideOut magazine.

Sylvia gave me the flowers for my birthday. They ended up lasting more than three weeks. The final one still on my alter table. Oriental lilies are amongst my most favourite of all flowers. These particular ones were an amazing deep pink, with an intoxicating perfume. I loved changing their water and recutting / rearranging the stems. The angels hanging in the window are handmade two-and-a-half years ago, by a group of friends in my backyard. They are Steiner based. We've had them dancing in our window, and I'm not sure I ever want them to go. I love the memory of the day, as well as the memory of my Steiner primary education.

making + eating

Licked Clean.....

Yesterday Ari and I made a delicious little date + chocolate loaf, while Mischa slept. Ari really loves cooking, especially mixing + whizzing. He's actually very good at it, for a not quite 3 year old. Measuring out the ingredients, breaking the eggs, turning the mixer on and off. I think by the time he's 5 he'll be able to make a cake on his own, as he seems to remember the process of cake making.

I don't really follow a recipe (though I have at least 25 recipe books and stacks of Donna Hay magazines) for making cakes. I remember the way my mum used to make cakes - or explain to us. I really love the rhythm of mixing the butter + sugar into a lovely thick, rich mass, and adding the eggs one by one. After that, we add whatever flavourings (yesterday it was organic dark cocoa and dates), then the flour and if more liquid needed we generally use juice. The problem with him loving baking - well whizzing - so much is that we need to bake quite often, and make sure we use the mixer. This is part of the wonderfulness of being able to be at home with my babes, and set our own time-scale for doing things.

(Hopefully the next time I show kitchen photos, it will be of my renovated kitchen.)

And today - a cold Winter day of being all rugged up. Our cat spent the morning curled up beside the heater. We spent most of the day in our slippers and ugh boots (I'm not going to go into the politics of being able to call them ugh boots or not - its what we have always called them). We rearranged Ari's bedroom, turning it into a play room, which he + Ash spent the evening enjoying. Ari has been sleeping in our bed(room) since Mish was born, so I figure he won't be going back to his room for a while yet - its much colder in his room. Plus, really why would he want to be there on his own, when the rest of his family are curled up in one big bed together.

My sister took Ari for a few hours this afternoon, for me to do some tidying. Every time I get Rolfy* out, Ari wants to vacuum - which takes so much longer, but is much more fun! Mish slept, while I spoke to my Dad (on the phone), and spent quiet tidy + thinking time. Quiet time here is very rare. Then, of course, everyone arrives home at the same time and the turmoil of the evening tumbles on until bedtime. Goodnight.

*my lovely little yellow vacuum, it really seems to have a personality. Which at the moment seems to be having a mental breakdown!

filled with collections of my life

(Added:) This little collection of my daily viewing (above) has a beautiful old inkwell bottle, a sublimely simple Dinosaur Designs tall blue bottle, a great and unusual handled bottle I brought home from France. The drawing in the background is part of an artwork from school. The turtle bowl in front was made by my mother's hands, with her beautiful drawings - I so love the feeling of this bowl, the peace it gives me to eat out of. It's filled with my morning porridge + stewed apple.

I'm finding so many beautiful ceramic artists (well, their websites - rather than the tactile realness of them), who are inspiring my creative thought process. I keep looking at these, this, and this - would love to add to my morning tea ritual, so serene and soft. Also, this little set, as well as her bowls. These whimsical designs are so cute and silly, yet solid forms of clay.

This is a great little Flickr group that I've been watching for a while. This one is a particular favourite. Though each time I look at the group I see another beautiful vessel - which has been making me notice objects around my house more. We have so many little cups, vases, bowls, jugs, bottles, boxes, trays around our house that are filled with little collections of our life. Our daily experiences, grouped into a .... well, I suppose the parts of our house do really make up parts of our life. Most people decorate their houses bit by bit, adding and subtracting - as in 'life'.

(Added:) These are some still life groupings - assorted bizarreness (two-headed doll we dug out of back yard dirt, dead butterfly + grasshopper + roses + feathers + little paper balloons + bees Ari and I made one day with metal stems. They look lovely fluttering about in the breeze).

Increasingly, I'm wanting to do something more productive with my hands. Possibly because my mind seems to be so taken up by the beautiful - yet incessant - sounds and words of my babes. While there are things I can do right here at home, I keep thinking and wanting to do some sort of ceramics course. Not so much to learn how to - though of course that's really what I need - but mainly to have the feeling of clay in my hands. And of course, the memory of my mother on her wheel and forming shapes with clay with her hands. Yet, the memory becomes more faint - as I realise I didn't really take enough notice when she was there doing it. And, as most things in life - its too late to watch her now, to appreciate the shapes forming under her warm, competent hands.

Thinking about my mother always makes me think about my own mothering. I suppose it does for everyone, yet is possibly more so when I can't speak to her about any of it. So many things I'm curious about - silly things like how old I was when walked, talked, about breastfeeding, mainly just about the fact of being a mother. Now that I have my own daughter, I feel that I'm already hoping for a relationship and friendship with her like I had with my Mum.

(Added:) I've included these two photos in the vessel Wednesday theme as sometimes I feel like a vessel, without much in it. This is my Year 12 major artwork. A plaster cast of my body, tied up. Often I feel a bit like that. There are other parts to it that I'll photograph another day. ::whoops - one just got deleted.

(I've just tried to upload photos and its taking way too long for close to mid-night after the overwhelming day I've had. So, check back again to see the photos. The name of this post relates to the photos - in a way!).