before the fireworks

We are (planning) on going to Southbank tonight, to watch the fireworks with Sam's family. A lovely way to see off this spectacular, evolving and tiring year. And to welcome in the possibilities of new beginnings and hopes and wishes and dreams. The rainy weather might wash out the excitement of standing watching smoke, gunpowder, colour erupt up into the atmosphere.

So, on the eve of the new year I have been wanting to write a little round up, a wrapping up of this year. And possibly a few little hopes for the coming one.

It has been one of my most intense years - emotional, tiring, exhilarating, steepest learning curve, loving, caring, growing, growing, growing. I have had the privilege, the pleasure, the luck to be with, watch, listen, feel my babies grow and learn - and to teach me so much more than ever I could teach them. And, on occasions I think I have stopped to take notice and actually learn what they are trying to show me.

Also, I feel that so many of the other relationships in my life have expanded and been so nourishing this year. Sam and I continue to go from strength to strength. Being parents together is one of the most wonderful things that two people can experience. I know that I am blessed to be sharing this with someone so intensely amazing, thoughtful, caring, loving as Sam is (always has been, so I know he always will be). This has probably been near to one of our hardest (definitely most tiring) years, and we have climbed through it together - as a team.

My two sisters have been wonderful companions and helpers these past few years. This year, I feel, we have all developed a truer depth together. A deeper love, understanding, appreciation. And my Dad, I don't talk about him very much in this blog. Well, he probably is one of the most amazing men I will ever know. He is so deeply embedded into who I am, how I am, how I feel, think, act :: want to act, feel, think, know, do.... He is an inspiration for me, a motivation for me. My brother, sadly, I haven't had the same chance to grow and connect with further. I really wish he had more time, yet he works so much, driving for work or to collect/drop off his son for his fortnightly visits. I too, don't take enough time to be with my brother at his house, on his time. When we are together it is simple and easy and fun and wonderful.

One other person who I feel I have grown more with, understood more, loved more, enjoyed more :: ME. This, out of most years, I think has been a year of intense growth and learning and stopping and just being. And loving that just being, the letting go of so many things. Stopping having so many expectations of myself or those around me.

And, onto a few things that I have been mulling over. Hopes for our new year, our family, for myself. I really don't like new year's resolutions, basically because I very rarely end up keeping them. Yet, still I form ideas and try and simplify these to something that I could possibly keep to. So, this year no :: exercise more, eat less chocolate, be tidier...blah blah blah.

This year :: let myself go more, stop more, enjoy more, just be. This year, I would love to sew more, learn to knit, possibly crochet. Take more time for myself in these productive, yet simple ways. Also, long have I been thinking about the possibilities of starting some form of my own business. I aim to really sit and think and plan and formulate and then, actually put into practice, something for me. Mainly so I don't have to go back to work outside the home. So I can work from home and be with my children, while they grow and I grow.

Also, the thing of moving house is getting so intense in my whole soul. I / we need to have a bit more space for being and thinking and doing and growing. We currently live in a teeny two bedroom house, with a scrappy outdoor area. Yes, the city has lots of great parks - but we would love a garden for some homegrown veges, fruits, fun.

So, a few simple things / wishes for the coming year. I see that these are achievable, in as much as I really actually want to do :: be these. Hmmmm, a cleaner house would be lovely too!