brave or .....

Over the past few weeks/months whenever I've talked with someone about our new homeschooling adventures they have proclaimed me to be brave. "Wow, I could never do that. You're so brave", generally with real admiration in their tone. My response has generally been "yeah, or stupid". 

I was saving writing about our homeschooling journey on this blog, as I have thoughts/ideals that it's a crafting/making/creative/small business blog. But, I think I need to realise that it's a me blog. And right now the me who writes, owns and is this blog is all about homeschooling.*

Let me start off by saying that so far in this 6 weeks since we left school, and began homeschooling, it has not been an easy or smooth transition. Not that I thought it would, but I had hoped it would be easier than it has been. I think I guessed the kids would settle into their school routine and allow me to sit and be their book-work teacher for at least 3-4 hours a day. And I had crazily assumed that the daily work would just sort of write itself and evolve easily. I mean; my kids can read (one learning, one very proficient) and write, and are highly intelligent inquisitive children. I think I assumed we'd all skip along a path of self-learning and enjoying reading/writing/working every day. 

Ha! Let me say that louder HA!. (Therein lies the "stupid" part. The part that thought it would all happen on it's own! Ha. I hear all our teachers laughing hysterically at that one). 

Well, actually that has happened on many wonderful mornings; we've sat down with our books and a semi-planned idea of what we'd work on. And stayed at it contentedly for a good couple of hours. Beautiful. The kids learning and talking and remembering and being inspired and excited. But then the next day it didn't happen. And another day they wanted to play Barbies / Lego / building fairy houses / on the iPad for an extra few hours. Or the maths work was too hard. Or they didn't want to put in the effort of the English or the research for the project we'd talked about doing. And it's dwindled. Day by day has slipped into a semi-holiday. 

Of course, in our home even on holidays and weekends and Sunday mornings there is life learning happening. Reading and writing and story telling and making and planning and exploring and discovering and researching are always happening around here. We talk about things at breakfast, or recite our times tables in the car, or make up Haiku's when we see a beautiful cloud. Or a play evolves from a remembered snippet of a favourite story. And they curl into bed at night, and we read stories together - sometimes him reading, sometimes her, sometimes me.

And I think all this is good. It's schooling. I believe it would fall under what is generally termed natural learning or un-schooling. And I love that. It seems to fit within our life and days and the kids self-learning personalities.

Aside from my need to be totally dedicated and on top of recording and note taking to assure the board of studies that my kids are learning and doing work (and really - perhaps learning more, and more passionately, than many classroom children); I think it's all good. 

All good. On the schooling front. 

oh but. but but.... What I'm really rambling on about here is: Is it all good on the mama/teacher/carer/cleaner/hugger/bookreader/crafter front. What I'm wondering is. When do I get my break? That moment between teacher and mama.

I love my children. More than the moon and the trees and life. No denying that ever at all. But I'm wondering when I'll be brave enough give over wholly of myself, and be there with them endlessly. And stop wanting/expecting/demanding that time for myself. As I see it needs to be. I'm eager here if there's anyone with experience reading able to give some advice, or take my children for a day or so.... 

Will homecshooling give them everything. But take everything from me?

Wondering if I'm brave enough.

*though I am keen to hear from you, my dear readers, whose thoughts and visits I really really honestly value and respect and don't take for granted. I'm eager to hear if you'd like to read more of this style of style of blogging, or if you've come here to see pretty pictures of things I make? Please do do leave a comment and let me know. I love that blogs, this blog, can be a conversation between friends. 

{images from top: maricor/maricar; rummage, but found here; bottom 2 from my words Pinterest page.} If you'd like to see pretty pictures that I'm posting, head on over and follow me on Instagram. It seems a teeny too much stretch to get those images from my phone or camera onto the computer.

today ::

today ari asked me, as we were driving past the cemetery, what it was.
i explained to him, though i knew he already knew, that it was where some people bury the people they love, when they die.
he then asked me, when all the family people have buried all the people who have died, who buries the last family person, when they die.

i had to stop and think, for a moment, and totally appreciate his thinking. his logical way of working it all out. and i smiled.
i took it literally to mean - the very last person on earth. who will bury that person. or who will mourn that person.
of course. we know
no-one will need to mourn the last person.

children remind you to think about things, don't they.
they take nothing for granted.
accept nothing as it is presented.
ask many questions until they are content that they know for themselves, what it means.
not knowing the rote of learning, the knowledge of learning.

volcano

Volcanoes have been big around here for a while now. Ari draws them, talks about them, looks at pictures of them, talks about them.....

Amongst all the talk, and looking for pictures on the wonderful internet. And trying to explain that my Dad doesn't live on a volcano; actually within the rim of a very extinct volcano.
I moved our blackboard into the kitchen, and the kids have been drawing and writing while I cook and clean around them.
I told him letter by letter how to write the word, after which he drew this fantastic volcano to show us all what it was. Don't you love that blast coming out. Last week he wrote 'lava' too. Sometimes he writes his words from right to left because he's left-handed. Both my brother and sister are left handed, and it seems Ari is the only next generation to be. I do remember a lot of mirror writing from my siblings as we were growing up; them learning how to write with a fountain pen and not smudge too much!
So, I guess we have been doing our homeschooling just while we do our daily living. I think that I've talked a lot about homeschooling over the past year or so, and now Ari says that he doesn't want to go to school and that he wants to school at home.
I think from having read many great blogs, I know this is very possible. I know that Ari, and hopefully Mishi, will be the right sort of children / people for being homeschooled. I'm just not sure if I have the energy or continuation to do it. Make sense? Also, I keep thinking, school is more than just learning. It is about the socialisation and being part of something else - firstly I'm not so good at 'making friends' for myself or my children. Secondly, should they have to be friends with who I am friends with, will they have the opportunity to find their own friends, people who I would normally never have anything to do with - but who are right for my kids.
Just more thoughts on this homeschooling option.

We are going, this weekend, to a Steiner Spring Festival, which I am very excited about. Haven't been to one for many years, and my children have never been to one. Candle making, bead making, silk dying, tie dying as well as music and lantern parades and food and ..... Oh the wonderful things from my childhood. Ari asked her to make a funny face, so he could photograph her - this is her silly face!(I think she's copying from Ari, who quite likes to make the same sort of face).

have I mentioned.....

....that walking is well and truly happening here, now. She was doing that tentative little scurry around the furniture and holding hands walking, for a little while. But while we were at my Dad's house two weekends ago, with all the bigger children scampering and running about, she came home walking. It's odd to see her doing the occasional crawl, now, if she wants to get somewhere really fast.

Her funny little walk - a tiny bit side-ways, with a scuffle sort of stance. She's very confident in it now. Sometimes she still overbalances and tumbles down, but generally she can stop herself from falling quite well.

And she pushes things - chairs, toy prams, wooden trolley full of library books. And can carry things quite well, also. Today when I gave her a plate of watermelon, she just picked it up and walked off down the hallway with it held firmly in her two hands.

Really, she does so much that everyone else does. Not a baby anymore. Last night, Sam asked Ari why there were some crayons that hadn't been put away in the basket with the others. Ari sat on the couch and had a tiny whinge about it. Mishi just walked over and picked them all up and went to put them away.

And potty-training is happening slowly, also. She has just done this herself. We are encouraging it, but by no means forcing it. When she has no clothes on, she just takes herself off to the potty, sometimes she sits down fully clothed -as an indication that she needs to go. And, of course, she needs toilet paper to wipe herself as well.

It's pretty amazing really, isn't it, the way they learn so much by just mimicking and copying and trying over and over until they can do it. I keep wondering if Ari was like this, at this age (Mishi is almost 14 mths now). And I can't quite remember. I guess that he wasn't really up to a lot of things she is, mainly because there wasn't the constant older sibling stimulation that Mishi gets from Ari.

I've been reading a book called Detoxing Childhood. A lot of it is really stuff I know (or should know, and be thinking about), but it's always good to have it there in front of you, again, at the moments when you need to hear it. One part talks about 'learning versus education'. This struck a note with me. So much of what children 'learn' is just our everyday life - we don't, as parents, set out to teach them to walk or talk, we encourage it when it happens, and show them by example. I think this is all falling into my constant thoughts about homeschooling or not.

I think so much of what children are taught at school is so they can an exam and get a good score, so they can go to University. And be told how to think, but also told that they have to think for themselves - but follow certain guidelines. I loved school - went to Steiner School for primary, and just the local high school. But I think, so much of what I learnt about who I am, and where I fit in, and what I do with my life now - comes from my parents, and my upbringing. Maybe more so than from school. Though maybe I'm having midnight rambles......... This was meant to be a post about Mishi walking.

And while she's growing, and shall we call her a toddler now - is she a baby anymore. And she can cope a whole day without me now, without my milk nourishment. Still, when she gets home, she's my baby. She suckles on my nipple for her milk - which is not just food, but always warmth and love. She hums her little going to sleep song, and strokes my face, and looks into my eyes. And her eyelids flicker and her eyeballs roll back into her head. And she sleeps, a baby sleep. Soft, contented, restless, dreaming, growing, learning. And, so too does my bigger baby, the three and a half year old boy baby.

city learning

Even though the countryside keeps pulling and enticing me, we still continue to find advantages of city living. Last night we went for a walk, after dinner, in the glorious afternoon-sun colours of our Summer. We had to go and water the plants at my sister's house - and of course, have a jump on their trampoline. She only lives one long block away, but we managed to draw the five minute walk out. Exploring and learning on the way.

I keep going round-about on this thought process of homeschooling. Keep wondering if it will be something that is good for our family, if we will do it. Last night really reconfirmed to me that it's not will we, but that we already are homeschooling. Each house number, letterbox we passed on our walk we stopped at. Ari and I talked about what the number was, he traced the metal forms with his fingers. We talked about how a 3 looks like a backwards E, and a 5 almost like an S. And yet again, he impressed and surprised me when he could read all but one of the letters on the STOP sign. (The P is a letter that isn't in any of our names, so he doesn't know it as well).

He has been recognising letters for quite a while now. Seeing them on street signs, shop signs, boxes we bring home from the supermarket, at the bakery, on the corner store. Especially he knows an A, I suppose that would be the first letter that most kids learn - the letters in their own name.

So, following on from that, he can write his name - beautifully is I do say so. And other letters and number-forms are slowly following.

For a long time we have been talking about numbers and letters, and it is falling into place for him (and me). His first 'writings' (possibly even more than a year ago) were generally shopping lists, long squiggly lines of words that he told us said pasta or toothpaste or cheese or tofu.

We were always reading when we were kids. It is my hope is see my kids curled up or sprawled out devouring their books, or languishing over images and words. Pity that they don't see me doing much reading these days - I think since Ari was about six months old, I have not been able to focus on any book for long enough to actually remember what the story is about! Maybe one day again, I will find the time and mental capacity for novels, and finish those that I have started.