when best intentions fall apart or aka losing my stitching mojo
Do you worry and stress so much about your making, that sometimes you don’t start? I do at times. This stems from thinking ahead, of the outcome. Planning what you’ll make, what you want to make, will it be good enough or perfect enough. Will someone like it? Will I like it?
Perhaps it will be a waste of fabric and threads, or a waste of time. I won’t start because it won’t turn out the way I want it to.
This is an anxiety over where to start with my stitching.
Instead maybe you could try to simply remember the joy of the process. The quietness of stitching. Of how you feel when you’re breathing gently, when you’re listening to the sound of needle & thread through fabric. That soft resistance, and ease when it slips through. When one stitch follows another.
You don’t have to look beyond one stitch one stitch one stitch. You keep where you are. One breath, one stitch. One gentle quiet thought of being where you are.
When I let go of the expectation of an outcome and result, I let go of the tension and anxiety. The fear of being wrong slips away.
I pick up my stitching and I begin.
As I stitch a little at a time, another stitch, another moment I find that any anxiety, fear, worry has diminished, moved on. Changed from a held tight body to one of ease, of calm. This means that it’s not a project that I’m working on, specifically, but more a little piece I’m holding in my hands.
To be honest, I am trying to make more of my stitchwork become a finished project, as really there are a lot - a LOT - of samples and stitchings and little things that are sitting in drawers and waiting to be stroked, enjoyed, pulled out…
So I do want to make things, useful things, finished things. Things that I can share and show and do something with, but I don’t want the stress of making them.
I know that the way my brain works means that when I need to plan ahead for what the thing will look like. I need to make a pattern for the project, for the outcome. How will I turn this piece of fabric into this? What steps do I need to do? And that stalls me. That means that my creative process turns into an analytical process.
And that’s not bad, it’s just a different process. When I’m doing my writing, I do the best work - the best words - when I’m simply writing. A stream of meanderings, words, threads of ideas, across a page. Then I need afterwards to go and edit. When I edit, or stop and plan too much, that stops the flow.
Sometimes I simply have words that want to get out, and they aren’t planned. They have come from nowhere and simply need to express themselves.
This is like when I’m simply stitching little pieces. One stitch at a time, little pieces of thread in a needle slipping across some fabric.
Then afterwards I can look at the fabric and see what it can become. I can take some ‘test’ fabric (the ugly stuff) as a test, an experiment, a design idea. And I can use the beautiful little stream-of-thought piece for the ‘final’ outcome.
But in my mind, I know they are both two processes that I need to separate.
Lately I haven’t been doing much stitching at all. I have a lot of projects on the go. They are overwhelming me, they are making me feel like there is too much and I want to get them all done. Or pack them all away and do none at all. And they are big things. Things I need to finish, to take off the to-do list. This means that I’m not really doing anything.
So, instead I am challenging myself to simply take some fabric, thread and needle and stitch. To settle and stitch. To hop off my phone (that stress inducer) and to stitch. To not think too much.
And these are the little pieces that I have been working on. The have been so enjoyable. The fabric itself has been super inspiring and has helped me to simply trail across the page (so to speak). While somewhere in my head I do know what they’ll become, I also know that each piece in my hand as I’m making it is simply that alone. One little piece of story, of art or making.
What will you challenge yourself to make or create this week? To take yourself out of your mind and get yourself back into your heart and hands? Perhaps if you’re part of Stitch Circle Community you’ll share with us there, or maybe you’ll join the (free) community.
