Last month I moved out of my studio at M-Arts Precinct. It was so wonderful being there, out in the public, in my own (little) space, surrounded by other creatives all doing our own thing. Talking with people in the community who like what I like, and having a space away from home. But I had to move out, back home. Now I’m back in my loungeroom, with things in boxes making mess on the table and looking at the washing up all day.

Why did I move out of that lovely little studio, where the washing up and the dinner prep were a ‘do when I get home’ option, rather than a work around my day chore? Lots of reasons why… but there were lots of reasons I didn’t want to move out.

Usually I make a decision really quickly, then I jump into it and make it work. I don’t stand around trying to decide - I just decide. Mostly I don’t need to weigh up to the pros and cons, I just know inside what I want and it’s (almost) always just the right thing.

It doesn’t mean it’s always easy, or doesn’t take a whole lot of hard work. But it’s not like I stand around looking back wishing I’d done something different… {Of course, not saying I don’t have regrets about certain things, but not about whether I should do a thing or I shouldn’t do it.}

So - why was it so hard this time, to make the decision? And also, why did I leave a studio space and come home to the lounge-room and the pile of washing (both clothes and dishes, let’s be honest here)?

And maybe more importantly how did I actually make that decision? Read on read on….

*also, in the very strange way that the Universe works where we all seem to come into tangents with other people - there are three people in my life who are making / have just made really big hard decisions…. while they’re all different whys and why-nots and outcomes and paths to walk, I feel like (in my mind at least) they all have a similar underpinning. Which could be the most important one of all - and a thing to centre ourselves on at all times. But more on that later.

How to make hard decisions when both options are really interesting, exciting & possible:

one: You have to write it out.

Put all the thoughts down on paper. Get it out of your head in order to mull it over. The pros on one side, the why it won’t work on the other side. Write multiple lists - good & bad for the A option, good & bad for the B option. That’s a lot of getting words out of your head. Thoughts, and wishes and dreams written down.

two: Analyse things on an emotional level.

What is your heart REALLY telling you, when you remove ego and money and other people’s expectations. What’s that tiny whisper saying?

three: the reality

After you’ve really listened to your heart, now think about the reality stuff - the money issues, the family issues, the driving to work or not, the people around you (how do they make you feel). I think the money and the family are the big ones to listen to - write it down. Be honest with yourself.

four: Write down the outcome of either options

What will path B look like? Is it pretty but empty, or lots of work, or letting too many other things drop, or doing lots of driving? Is path A overgrown but an exciting adventure? Or does path A have too many thorns and your family life / finances can’t work with those thorns at the moment. Or your heart can’t cope with more punctures and tears and damage.

Does path A have an outcome longer than the next year? Or do you want it to be only a short outcome? Will it solve / fulfil / resolve itself before then? Is path B something you just need to get out of your system and then you’ll come back to path A? That’s totally ok to do things like that - know that’s what you’re doing, and plan for it - be intentional rather than letting things get away from you. ie: understand you’re doing xyz for the prime reason to fulfil you creatively or propel your career (or prove your worth or ….??) and it won’t make you any money (in fact it might loose you money), or you’re doing abc simply to make money for six months, but it won’t fulfil you creatively.

five: What would you have to give up for either option?

This might be a financial cost, extra time constraints or challenges on your family and home life. Or it might be your own quiet arts practice. Be honest writing down what you’ll be giving up to take this thing on. Or what you’ll be giving up to not take this thing on - perhaps you’re turning down a job, or leaving a job, or giving up a studio, or an amazing opportunity. What will it cost you to not take it on?

six: Which path has the best energy flow for you?

This sounds a bit woo-woo, I know. But truly this is such a big one, and we most often forget it. But honestly which option of choices will drain you emotionally, physically, creatively, even financially (that can lead to other draining things in itself, so it’s important to factor in, but not use as the main reason why or why not). Which path will really excite you and uplift you?

Sometimes you might not be able to know the answer to this until you’re on the path - I get that… that’s what can often happen. But then —reassessing the situation while on the path is a necessary part of the whole process. And turning around and going back home again / back along the path, or jumping off path B to find path A again is totally ok!!

seven: It is NOT a failure to opt-out after you’ve started. It’s ok to try something and realise it was the wrong thing.

Even if that something is someone else training you, or someone loosing out because you took the option. That is ok. Don’t stay on the wrong path out of guilt or obligation.

Intentionally choose your path, and reassess throughout the process / your lifetime. Don’t find yourself in someone else’s perfect life, looking out longingly trying to find your own version of an imperfect life.

Reasons I worked through when I had to decide to leave the studio or not:

• While I loved being in there - surrounded by other artists / creatives and connecting with the community / creatives / customers it actually meant I wasn’t getting to the depths of my core work. The noise and the constant interruptions meant I could never in the whole six months I was there, settle into the flow I need to create work of my true value. I started to feel like I was treading water, and just biding time. I felt my energy draining away as I was always giving, and did not have a healthy balance of quietness for myself.

• I had to make a decision about going forward in the space - staying at the precinct would have meant moving into a bigger studio (increased rent and lease term), and becoming more of a shop space rather than an arts practice space, as a way to way the rent. I’ve always wanted a shop of my own. I know I could have made an amazing beautiful inspiring shop space for people come and visit, and connect in, and do workshops in, and buy things from. Right now I can see it in my head { you can see why this decision has been hard for me - giving up the shop dream once again}

• But ultimately I know / knew that running a shop IS NOT MY PATH. My work that needs to be expressed in the world is not about selling pretty needles and threads and fabrics, or having teapots (yes, there will be a whole wall of teapots and cups for sale in my craft shop!) and books and other delicious things… washi tape, journals, the yummiest stitching threads and scisssors galore. Oh oh… stop now.. My work is about my writing, my stitching, my quietness. That is my journey - right now at any rate. Maybe a shop will come later.

• Finances - finding the rent each month was proving a challenge, and it meant the work I wanted to do in the studio had to be revolve around being an income earner rather than an art-based practice

• My family needs me at home. Going out of the house to work, for the past six months, has been a challenge. We’ve bought more packaged foods than ever before, I’ve baked less cakes and spent less time helping with homework or reading books together.

• The other aspects of my business fall to the side too - while I was meant to be doing work at the studio, the stupid reality was that I always had the wrong thing at home that I needed, or the thing was at the studio when I was at home. I could never work at night (too far to drive back into town to do some work), and my fabric dyeing was always at the wrong stage when I had to pack up and do school pick ups. The logistics of having a studio 20 minutes away from home was not great. So I fell behind on work. I’m only now catching up on a lot of things.

• My website, newsletters and Instagram also strangely fell to the side too. While I had thought I would have more time for Instagram (the business strategy side), I in fact ended up with less, and I couldn’t tend my emails or website as needed as I was always too tired when I got home / or wanted to spend time with my family instead.

• A big one is that my daughter is doing school-at-home (distance education) this year. I need to be home and available for her - emotionally as well as sitting side-by-side and doing school work. I can’t be that mum while I’m at a studio.

While talking with some friends (other creative people) this past month about their own hard decisions one of the really really big things that kept coming up for me - as a reference to my own self, and as my thoughts about their situations as well - was this :

What is your main core reason for being here? How is this path you’re choosing honouring that? Or is it putting a block up?

While we can do anything we like we do not have to do everything.

Saying no to those parts of ourselves is ok. It allows space for the yes things to come through. Since moving out I’ve had more emails in my inbox relating to exactly where I want to continue moving (teaching more intensive workshops, mentoring and coaching, and also I’m dedicating myself back to my writing and photography).

I’d love to know what hard decisions you’ve had to make lately, and how you worked through it? Are you happy with the choice you made or are you ready to jump paths to the tangled overgrown but exciting and adventurous path? I know comments on blogs don’t seem to happen these days - we’re all about the Instagram, aren’t we…. but I’d love to start more conversations here. I (almost) always reply back to blog comments, so do say hi and let me know your journey, decisions, process of choosing.