At the moment he is such an intensely sweet boy. He brings me flowers, and little leaves; when we were at a park party this weekend past he went off with all the big boys to look at the jumping-off-bridge, and he came back (the smallest one, wrapped in my sister's jumper) with a cluster of leaves he had picked up for me. They looked like a flower. He handed them to me with a matter-of-factness, yet a simple lovingness as well. And then went on with doing his playing of running around with his cousins and friends.

The other night, while I was lying with Mishi on her bed giving her milk, he lent his head over his bed railing and said "I can't stop thinking about you". Every night he needs me to hop into bed with him, after I've fed Mishi. And he says that I can't forget, I have to make sure that I do lie with him too. Even though he's fast fast asleep I lie down beside his warm and tossing body and listen to his steady child breathing.

He gives me the most delicious kisses. Sometimes little kisses all along my arm. Such sweet tenderness. I truly know that he loves me. Mishi doesn't like to give kisses very often, but Ari always does. And hugs too.

We have fantastic conversations together. In fact, he rarely stops talking. Even in his sleep. He notices everything, observing more than I expect a four-year old to; I know he gets that from me (in fact, I think he's taken that from me, as I seem to have lost it!).

He always knows whats going on, listening and asking. Constantly asking. Wanting to know about so many things. I tell him I don't know, that we'll find out.

Just now, when he went out with Sam to go skateboarding, he came and gave me a kiss goodbye. He lent against me, eyes closed, lips on mine. 'Bye, see you, see you soon.' Such maturity, and depth in his look and his voice.

I can't fathom who he will be, even in year, let alone as a young man, or a father, an adult. I know he will be opinionated, wise, loving, gentle, funny -on so funny that boy of mine.

He seems to have a definite artistic leaning, which is to be expected considering our whole extended family has talents in many creative fields.

Some times he talks little stories, the whole time he's playing or just doing something random he'll be talking out what he's doing as if it's a story bout someone else. Things like (but not these exact words, as I can never remember the exact words) :: 'then the boy went and he talked on the telephone. And he was drawing a picture of a robot. And the boy was wearing a blue shirt.....'. We often have shows to watch, performances in the loungeroom. He and Mishi rehearse; Ari sets up stage lights using things like pieces of lego or some colourful coasters or rocks. We have to sit and watch and listen and clap. Of course we enjoy it.

He is melodramatic too. On the weekend, he fell and hurt his foot. Blood, and scrapes, and exposed flesh. I wasn't allowed to put any teatree oil on it. He lay on the couch for almost an hour, moaning extravagantly. He wouldn't get dressed for the party we were going to, lay there in his pyjamas. Flopped across the couch cushions, calling me to help him. And for days he talked about his blood, that he couldn't walk properly because of his sore. Oh, I remember doing things like that.

He talks about when he's older. How he and Ashy will live together, and will I live with them too. about when he can drive a car. And that I told him I would take him to the snow one day. Yet the other day he asked me why big schools don't have toys (toys are what he calls play grounds, swings and things).

Lately he's been planning his birthday party. Pretending to phone people, on his own no longer working mobile phone (kids nowadays have many playthings don't they?). Telling me what sort of cake he wants. And what games we will play. He knows the street name of the park we have decided to have his party in; and tells people 'the party will be at W*** St'.

He'll come home happy about having been skating, telling me the things he did. And then he'll be tired; dinner time, and bed time. Upset that he can't come out with me and Mishi when I go for craft night. Yet understanding and accepting, and having a lovely time at home with just Sam.

And then falling asleep as soon as he lays his head on the pillow (like I used to). And sleeping, and dreaming...........