1:: I have dreams of changing the way we live. Of being more slow, gentle on our Earth, feeding ourselves by our own hard work and/or supporting our local farmers. Firstly, I suppose we would need to get a bigger vegetable patch - or we will starve! These lovely looking eggplant::aubergine were picked yesterday. I watched them grow and grow and ripen. And they are very beautiful - but only about 5centimetres long! And yes, only two in the whole garden. Lucky Ari doesn't like eggplant, Sam and I get one each!

My ultimate fantasy::daydream is to build our own house (ok, my Dad would be building it - but I want to design it with him), with a large garden + paddocks. To have vege patches that we can rotate and grow produce diodynamically, an orchard with citrus, apples, pears, stone fruit, herb gardens, companion planting. Some chooks, a few cows so we can have our own milk, cheese, butter, yoghurt, icecream - alright, I don't yet know how to milk a cow, but I can learn. Backing onto a forest, large fields, with a creek. Is this fantasy too much to expect? Should I give up now, and be thankful for my two eggplants and five lettuce plants?

2:: To be content with who I am right now. As in, sufficiently happy with my self. I go constantly through so many stages of contentment with myself and who I feel I am, have become, will become. Yet - still, I yearn for more than I'm giving myself currently in my day-to-day existence. I want to learn to be happy or at least content with what I am, not what I dream I am.

Also, to raise my children to be self-sufficient. I feel that this doesn't mean to the exclusion of any external help, but with the respect and thoughtfulness of what you are taking on, bringing in, giving out. That your daily living is living with thoughtfulness. That the things you do daily, momentarily, you do so with consciousness and commitment. I want for my children to be strong in their will, being, sense of self. Dedicated to being their own best friend, loving themselves. Yet, also, to being humble and giving and acknowledging you cannot actually be ::self sufficient:: on your total ownself. A community::clan can be self sufficient, yet (I believe) an individual will have a very hard time fulfilling all of their own needs for more than very basic survival.

I was talking today with some beautiful, warm hearted friends about wanting to move away from the city. To give my children something of what my parents gave me. To live with this dedication to making ourselves, our planet, our relationships fuller, stronger, brighter, healthier. We all said how we so dream::wish of living on a patch of hidden-away land, with trees, forest, vege patches, animals, sustainable living.... And (after only talking with Sam about similar ideals yesterday) we decided we will (want to try to) buy some land together and live and build a community, and raise our children together in a loving, caring, teaching, learning friendship.

Idealistic, yes... But, well, that's where most wonderful ideas start. Simply talking. And then we all spend the next few months thinking and planning. And, hopefully (why not, why couldn't it happen?), within a year we can start to put our wishes into action to fulfillment of self.

This is B Frog. Ari named it. I'm not actually sure if it's 'B' or 'Bee'. But I like the name none-the-less. A lot of the babies (dolls, teddies, etc) in our house have fairly standard names. I really prefer not naming them, but Ari is only now old enough to think of names himself - and we couldn't have no names for some babies. Bunny is a prime example - it is a bunny rug :: a blanket with a bunny's head sewn in the middle. He was given to Ari when he was a baby, so we just called it Bunny. One of the best names was for the little baby doll we gave Ari for Christmas. Ash named her Macaroni (he loves silly words), which we shorted to Roni :: quite a good name after-all.

I quite like B Frog. I made it a few days ago. Ari chose the colours :: pink back and butterfly tummy. When he first saw it, he asked why it has ears. Now he calls it pretend Bunny (arhhh, perhaps that's what the B is for). I am going to try and make a few more. Ash asked where his was today - so suppose I have to sew some more!